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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25226437">I'm a Member of the PTA</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yours_The_Author/pseuds/The%20Author'>The Author (Yours_The_Author)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Undertale (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AKA Matt, Actual School Issues are Discussed, Allergies, Also Known As Otto, Alternate Universe - Storyshift (Undertale), Ambassador Frisk (Undertale), And the Government too, Anger Management, Arts Student Gloria, Arts Student Linda, Arts vs Sports, Brownies without Chocolate, Bullying, Butterscotch Cinnamon Pie (Undertale), Characters Playing Animal Crossing Game(s), Child Frisk (Undertale), Coach Undyne, College Student Visitation, Conductor Mettaton, Cosplay, Counselor Mad Dummy, Dadster, Detention, Dumb Names, Elementary School, Fantastic Racism, Fat Shaming, Field Trip, Fire Mop Dancers, Flashback from a Previous Chapter, Flower Pot Flowey, Flowey Doesn't Always Attend Meetings, Flowey can Tap into his Omega Powers Because of his Time as Asriel, Flowey the Head of the PTA, Flowey's Secret is... Complicated, Fresh Asriel, Fresh Chara - Freeform, Fresh Mad Dummy, Fresh Sans (Undertale) - Freeform, Fundraisers, Gardener Asgore, Gaster Uses Both Sign Language and Normal Speech Simultaneously, Gaster and Linda are on Decent Terms, Gaster is a Homestuck, Gen, Ghost Chara (Undertale), Gloria's Daughter Mary, Gloria's Husband Peter, Gluten Allergies, Gluten Free Brownies, Grief/Mourning, Grillby's Up Top (Restaurant), Halloween, Hardboiled Egg, Headstands, Helen's Son Hunter, Historically Accurate Thanksgiving, History has its Eyes on this School, I don't know, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Incorrect Phrases, Independence Day - Freeform, Janice and Pete's Daughter Rose, Janice and Pete's Son Neal, Janice's Husband Pete, Janitorial Dancing Troups, La Cucaracha, Lemon Square Magazine, Lemon Squares, Lesbians, Linda Slowly Gets Better, Linda has been Divorced Three Times, Linda's Son Sam, Literally Everyone Loves Papyrus, Matt for Short, Matt is Mad Dummy's Secretary, Matt; Mad's Mad Mack, Mayor of Ebott: Elijah Banks, Mentions of All Girls College, Mentions of Cancer, Mettaton EX is a Patron of the School, Monster x Human School, Mr. Worchester, Muffet's Pet, Mute Frisk (Undertale), News Reporter Alfred Deanston, News Reporter Katie Messer, Nicknames, Nonbinary Chara &amp; Frisk (Undertale), Official PTA Person with Official Business whose Only Purpose is to Progress the Plot, Olympics, One Temmie is a Member of the PTA, Only Frisk can See Chara, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, PTA Gloria, PTA Helen, PTA Janice, PTA Sans (Undertale), Papyrus (Undertale) and Spaghetti, Papyrus's Cooking is Slowly Improving, Parent Temmie, Part Time Janitor Author, Peacemaker Frisk, Poetry Month, Post-Accident W. D. Gaster, Principal Eric Richards, Proud Undyne, Puns &amp; Word Play, References to Shakespeare, STEM vs STEAM, Science, Science Fair, Science Technology Engineering Arts Math, Scientist Sans (Undertale), Scientist W. D. Gaster, Sign Language, So Sorry (Undertale) - Freeform, So Sorry is Regarded Oddly Due to His Origins, So Sorry is a Good Guy, Spaghetti Eis, Suicidal Thoughts, Teacher Toriel (Undertale), The Author - Freeform, The Author Celebrates her Birthday Sometimes, The Author Makes an Appearance, The Day Undertale Came Out is the Day The Monsters Were Freed, The Egg is Her Child, The Fresh and Storyshift AUs are Only for One Chapter Don't Worry, The Huge International Fancy Pants Dancing Company that Pays Big Bucks, The Other Temmie is the PTA President, The School's Funding is... Weird, Time Skips, Toriel Likes Shakespeare's Plays, Toy Knives, Training Dummy is/was a Secretary, Underappreciated Napstablook, Undyne can Bake, Unspecified Child Anna, Unspecified Child Audrey, Unspecified Child Liam, Wisdom Teeth, You Feel Your Sans Crawling On Your Back, career fair, geeettttttt dunked on!!! (Undertale), head canons, implied child neglect, just a little bit, pet death, references, roll credits, what do they do?, you don't know</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:14:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>38,216</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25226437</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yours_The_Author/pseuds/The%20Author</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm a member of the PTA<br/>I'm a member of the PTA<br/>There with the Frisk in the evening<br/>Fighting the s'burban moms (s'burban moms)<br/>Come on, dear teachers<br/>Come on, parents<br/>Late for the meeting and you'll miss the verbal wrecks<br/>Cover your kids ears because there is a show today<br/>Become a member of the PTA!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alphys/Undyne (Undertale), Chara &amp; Frisk (Undertale), Flowey &amp; Frisk (Undertale), Frisk &amp; Sans (Undertale), Grillby &amp; Muffet (Undertale), Papyrus &amp; Sans (Undertale), Sans &amp; Toriel (Undertale), W. D. Gaster &amp; Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>166</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The List</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Howdy. It's me, Yours The Author, or just The Author, if you please.<br/>I've had this story posted on my fanfiction account for a long time, and I've decided I'll be slowly putting up on AO3 as well. It probably won't be more than a chapter a day, but I'll get there eventually. This is a series of oneshots, mostly unrelated but within the same universe. I suppose it could be considered "not your typical PTA Undertale story", but I don't want to sound too bold. It doesn't really have an "end", either; it's kind of just something to do when I just want to post/write something.<br/>This first chapter isn't really a chapter; it's "The List". The Undertale Characters who appear in this story will be seen here with a brief explanation of their roles/traits. The tags are probably a little more useful, but I like to keep things consistent. The OCs aren't listed, but maybe one day I'll post them on this list, too. We'll see. Maybe I'll make a separate List for them.<br/>I'll post the first actual chapter tomorrow. Look through this and see if it's something you'd be interested in. Until then!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>PTA Sans: The primary choice for PTA shenanigans. Dunks everyone and has a PHD in several sciences. Best nightmare of Linda.</p>
<p>PTA Toriel: Teacher of the school Frisk attends. Often can't attend due to grading but comes when she can. Bakes the best pies.</p>
<p>PTA Papyrus: Assistant gym coach with questionable cooking skills. Literally everyone loves him.</p>
<p>PTA Asgore: School gardener. Does not typically attend meetings, but still volunteers for events. Works closely with the mayor of Ebott Town on the Monster x Human school.</p>
<p>PTA Undyne: Gym coach for literally all the sports. Suplexes the meeting table when no one eats her snacks.</p>
<p>PTA Alphys: Most highly respected scientist in the field of robotics but is studying other fields to assist monsters and humans who want to study other sciences. Rarely comes to meetings, but always comes with Undyne when she does.</p>
<p>PTA Mettaton EX: A patron of the Monster x Human school; is a strong advocate of STEAM classes. Classic and NEO forms do not attend meetings.</p>
<p>PTA Muffet: #1 bake sale queen; co-treasurer with Grillby.</p>
<p>PTA Flowey: Head of the PTA. Acts as Frisk's ears, eyes, and occasionally mouth. Possesses some of Omega Flowey’s powers.</p>
<p>PTA Frisk: Not a PTA member but is brought along sometimes due to time constraints. Usually does homework and ambassador work while the others talk.</p>
<p>PTA Chara: The demon who comes when you bad mouth Frisk. Likes chocolate.</p>
<p>PTA Temmie: President of the PTA, which is different from the head of the PTA. Usually not present, but rules with a democratic paw. OH MOI!!1!</p>
<p>PTA Gaster: Frisk's science loving void grandpa. Grandpa Gaster void sneaks up onto the snack table by accident and takes Sans' place when he's unwell.</p>
<p>PTA Grillby: Expert caterer. Doesn't typically attend meetings due to the rumor that he works part time as a dancing janitor. Co treasurer with Muffet.</p>
<p>PTA Napstablook: Always comes to meetings. Always.</p>
<p>PTA Mad Dummy: Counselor at the school. Hands out free toy knives. Has anger issues</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Don't Touch Me, I'm Frisk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My first chapter for this story, written all the way back in 2016. My, how times have changed. Also the only chapter to feature Linda complaining about Frisk using sign language. I /was/ just starting out, mind.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Frisk, stop signing and use words." Frisk blinked and looked up from their homework at Linda blearily. That day, Toriel was busy grading papers at school, and everyone else was busy with their own work to come look after Frisk at home, so Sans had to bring them with him to the PTA meeting. This happened every so often, and couldn't be helped. Frisk didn't mind much, but it was rather exhausting to block out all the noises of a meeting while they were doing their own work. Honestly, it's like no one knows they have a job. Like, geez, man.</p><p>Everyone in the room sighed quietly, Linda included. It was starting to get late, and everyone just wanted to go home and be chill. But Linda had to go and not be chill anyway, because conflict. Flowey didn't even bother looking away from the window he was staring at, and just shifted around in his PTA pot with a rustle of his leaves.</p><p>Sans rolled his eye sockets and said, "Linda, it's the third quarter, you already know that sign language is a certified form of communication. Quit your whining. Besides, they weren't evening signing; they were counting for a math problem. Go back to work, Frisk." Frisk nodded and scribbled an answer on the paper.</p><p>"Well, if they're as <em>great</em> as you keep saying they are, how come they have to count on their hands?"</p><p>"You were doing that this morning, Linda. I know because <em>I </em>had to go shopping with <em>you</em> for box tops."</p><p>"I wouldn't have had to count if <em>you</em> hadn't fallen asleep on the counter."</p><p>"<em>You</em> wouldn't let me have my coffee."</p><p>"<em>You</em> shouldn't need coffee because <em>you</em> are a skeleton."</p><p>"It doesn't work like that, Linda."</p><p>"Everyone keeps saying that, but then they don't explain <em>how</em> it works."</p><p>"Well, I'll tell you..." Frisk gathered up their things and walked towards the exit of the classroom.</p><p>"And just <em>where</em> do you think you're going?" Linda asked, standing abruptly from her seat. Frisk signed something over their shoulder about finding a quiet place to work. "I don't know what you're <em>saying</em>—" She began to stalk towards Frisk. Sans, who was sitting next to her, grabbed at Linda's sleeve.</p><p>"Don't touch Frisk," he said, his voice growing a bit in pitch. Flowey suddenly turned his attention to the two humans and monster, eyes widening. The other parents, monster and human alike, sat up and looked at each other. <em>This</em> was new.</p><p>Linda ripped her arm away from the skeleton and continued to follow the child. "If you won't control them, I will!" she called to Sans over her shoulder.</p><p>"Listen to the Smiley One, Linda," Flowey said, his voice a bit higher than normal. "No one touches Frisk."</p><p>Alas, Linda did not heed their warnings. Poor, stupid human.</p><p>Linda snatched Frisk's hand, about to whine something about using words, when Frisked whipped around, eyes wide with fury, opened their mouth, and</p><p>"DON'T <em>TOUCH <strong>MEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEE<span class="u">!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</span></strong></em><span class="u">"</span></p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>Frisk skipped out of the room.</p><p>"...The meeting is adjourned." Flowey toggled the controls for his remote controlled red wagon toy and stretched his leaves towards Sans. "Pick me up, Smiley One."</p><p>Sans lifted Flowey out of his wagon and hurried out of the room.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don't Actually Think #1: Flowey has a "PTA pot", which is just his normal flower pot with a tie sticker on it and a name tag.<br/>Head Canon I Don't Actually Think #2: Frisk sounds like Calvin the Computer from Don't Hug Me, I'm Scared; which is why they only speak when they want to.<br/>-<br/>You'll see as time goes on that the "Head Canons I Don't Actually Think" become more "Head Canons I Actually Kind of Think". I was taking a silly approach to this in the beginning, but nowadays it's taken a little more seriously by me. This is also one of the only times someone complains about sign language. After this, it becomes more accepted, and probably becomes a language class requirement at the school.<br/>Also, yes, Flowey gets around at PTA meetings via a toy wagon that's remote controlled by him. He takes great pride in his ride. He also has nicknames for everyone aside from Frisk and most of the humans. Hence, "Smiley One" for Sans. You'll see more nicknames as more characters show up.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Lethal Irony</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>An expansion on the world of I'm a Member of the PTA; featuring Gloria, a mom who's trying her best; Mary, her eager-to-make-everyone-happy daughter; Helen, whose entire personality revolves around lemon squares; Mad Dummy, who didn't have a role in the story yet (we'll get to him later); a ghost that always comes to meetings (always); and Pete, who shows up for one joke that only half makes sense- this becomes a recurring theme with him, but he does develop a personality... sort of. Eventually.<br/>See you at the bottom of the page.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gloria was waiting outside of the monster x human school that her daughter was attending. Gosh dang was she not feeling well. Despite her pledge to not go out to that new monster restaurant, Grillby's Up Top, for a nightly drink, she still had a headache about as bad as good old fashioned hangover. It might have had something to do with that flaming bartender with the amazing mopping skills...</p><p>"Mom. Mom. Hey, mom. Mom?" Gloria blinked her droopy brown eyes and looked down at her kid, Mary, who she was picking up from art club before the PTA meeting.</p><p>"What. What. What is it. What?" Gloria responded in a voice that revealed how sick she felt.</p><p>Mary held up a small paper box for Gloria to see, oblivious to her mother's predicament. "When you go to the meeting today, can you give this to the head of the PTA? I heard he was a flower, so I thought he might like this..."</p><p>"Yeah, sure. That's fine." Gloria took the box and cradled it absently in one hand.</p><p>Mary grinned, "Thanks, mom." She turned away from Gloria and skipped inside towards the cafeteria, where the meeting was going to be held that day. Gloria sighed, rubbed her head with her free hand and followed her daughter slowly.</p><p>The two of them were close, really, but Gloria got tired very easily of the shenanigans that went on in her life ever since her husband left the state to go back to college. A little drink now and then helped to keep her sane, she told others when they asked. Mary herself, though a bit naive on occasion, was responsible and kept her mother under control, making sure to slowly decrease her mother's dependency. It was a sweet story, but it's not the one you came for.</p><p>They entered the cafeteria just in time for the meeting to start, though there was a slight delay because a monster, an angry doll the size of a small child, was causing a ruckus at the snack table.</p><p>"These lemon bars are awful!" It shrieked.</p><p>"Hey!" said Helen, the maker of said lemon bars.</p><p>Sans the skeleton, who was accompanied again by his kid, Frisk, was gently pulling the other monster away from the snacks. "Yes, Mad Dummy, everyone knows the bars are awful."</p><p>"I'm right here!" Helen whined.</p><p>"But you don't have to eat them if you don't like them. Just be chill."</p><p>The monster, dubbed Mad Dummy, grumbled angrily and hovered towards his seat at the meeting table next to the quiet ghost that always came to the meetings. Always.</p><p>"Okay, people, settle down," called Flowey, the head of the PTA. Today, his PTA pot consisted of a light blue tie sticker and a cartoony name tag that read, "Howdy. I'm Flowey. Flowey the Head of the PTA." He picked up the remote control for the red wagon toy he liked to travel in and revved the engine a bit for attention. Gloria sat next to Mary, who had sat next to Frisk and Sans. Mary nudged her mom with her shoulder and pointed to the box she was still holding.</p><p>"Oh, excuse me, Flowey," Gloria called, raising her hand. "My daughter brought something for you." Mary shrunk in her seat.</p><p>Flowey narrowed his eyes and nyoomed over to Gloria. "What is it?" he asked warily. Gloria shrugged and set the box in front of him, used to this behavior after weeks of meetings.</p><p>Flowey lifted the lid of the box and peeked inside. "Bzzz! Bzzz! BZZZ!" said the bee that came out of the box.</p><p>Flowey screamed bloody murder and toppled off of the wagon, dropping the controls so hard that the reverse switch activated and made the wagon ram into Helen's chest. The ghost who always came to meetings quietly moaned, "oh, nooo..." and floated into the ceiling while his cousin shouted at him to get his idiot-self back here this instant or no ghost desert.</p><p>"OH, GOLLY. OH, GEEZUMS. I'M ALLERGIC! GET IT AWAY!" Flowey shrieked, scrambling as well as he could in his pot with his vines, spilling dirt all over the table.</p><p>"Bzzz..." said the bee.</p><p>"EEEEYOOWW!" IT STUNG ME! IT STUNG MY VINE! IS IT PUFFY? DO I LOOK PUFFY?" Flowey wrapped the injured vine around Frisk's head to make sure they could see the wound properly, lifted them into the air, and started shaking them by the head. "<em>DO I LOOK PUFFY?</em>"</p><p>Sans grabbed the plant and the human and yelled, "For Pete's sake, could someone call a doctor already?!" Pete ran to the nearest landline.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Mary blubbered through her tears. "I thought... because he was a flower—"</p><p>"Don't cry," Frisk signed. "It was an honest mistake."</p><p>Mary continued to cry, Gloria doing her best to comfort her while she recaptured the bee in the box. It was going to take a lot of nice cream and cold beverages to fix the mental state of those involved.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head canon I don't actually think #3: Asriel was allergic to bee stings, and the allergy remained when he became Flowey. Oh, cruel irony.<br/>-<br/>Sooo... Professor Layton and the Unwound Future came out on mobile yesterday. I have the original DS version, so I don't plan to buy it, but the boys are looking /soft/. "Why are you talking about Professor Layton in the End Notes of an Undertale fanfic?" You ask. I shush you gently from the ceiling; there is an apple in your hands now. Use it wisely.<br/>Questions, comments? Leave a comment and tell me what you think! I'll see you later. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Joi to the World</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Some references: Doctor Who (Physics quote); Big Bang Theory (something ramming repeatedly ramming into a door as a way of knocking); Whatever that show was that said "Official flower business", don't actually know which one; Doctor Who (we know who you are).<br/>The references are mostly in the beginning, but eventually the actual story makes its way to the front.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Winter. Wwwwinter winter winter. Winter. I hope you're writing this down," said Flowey. The man he was driving next to sniffed and wrote something down on his clipboard. Flowey adjusted the controls on his wagon toy and faced the door to room eleven. The door was shut. The man waited. Flowey backed up his wagon before driving forward and hitting the door with a light thump. He backed up and hit the door again. And again. Over and over...</p>
<p>The door finally opened, and a goat woman as tall as the man greeted them. "Greetings, sir. You must be the official PTA person with official business whose only purpose is to progress the plot. I am Toriel, a teacher at this school." She smiled down at the sentient flower. "How was the tour, Flowey?"</p>
<p>"Fine, I guess," he replied, shrugging his leaves. "I mean, as fine as a tour of a school can go."</p>
<p>"That's good to hear." Toriel stepped back into the room and gestured to the man. "Please, do come in. Everyone has been awaiting your arrival—"</p>
<p>"HEY whoa whoa," said Flowey, revving his engine. "Who's the head of the PTA here?"</p>
<p>"Of course. Forgive me, Flowey."</p>
<p>"You get a warning. Now pick me up, mom."</p>
<p>"I am not your mother."</p>
<p>"Denial."</p>
<p>Toriel sighed and bent over to hoist the flowerpot and wagon combo. The man walked past them into the room, clipping a short and irritable sigh.</p>
<p>"BEEP BEEP BEEP!" said Flowey. "Official flower business! Get out of my chair, Linda!"</p>
<p>Linda grumbled something about letting monsters run the PTA and the children's safety as she stomped away from Toriel's teacher desk and into one of the student desks like the rest of the parents. Toriel placed Flowey onto the desk and squeezed into a tiny desk between Sans and Linda, who were glaring at each other spitefully.</p>
<p>"BEEP BEEP," said Flowey as he beeped the horn on the controls. "Howdy, folks. I'm Flowey. Flowey the Head of the PTA."</p>
<p>"We know who you are," the parents chorused in unison. Flowey stuck his tongue out.</p>
<p><em>"Anyway</em>, we have a special guest today from the state government, the official PTA person with official business whose only purpose is to progress the plot." The man stood next to the desk and looked important and stern and stuff. He wore a name tag that read, "Hi, I'm the official PTA person with official business whose only purpose is to progress the plot." It was amazing how he managed to fit that all in there.</p>
<p>The man pointed at the chair behind the teacher's desk. "May I take this?" he asked.</p>
<p>"Yeah, sure," Flowey waved him off. The man pulled the chair next to the desk and sat in it.</p>
<p>"I'm here to observe how the PTA meetings at this school take place and to make sure that it's all within regulation," he said. "For the record, I'd like to establish that... er, Flowey here is the wholly recognized PTA president, yes?"</p>
<p>"No," said everyone.</p>
<p>"The PTA president doesn't come to meetings," Flowey said. "The head of the PTA does. That's me."</p>
<p>"Aren't those positions the same thing?" the man asked.</p>
<p>"No," everyone said again.</p>
<p>"You sure got that wrong, buddy," Flowey said with a wink and a giggle. He leaned closer to the man. "Mix those positions up one more time and I'll end you." The man shivered at the fangs and black eyes that had been flashed at him by a flower.</p>
<p>"That may pose a problem, then," he cleared his throat to steady himself. "I have to talk to the one who officially sets actions the PTA votes on into motion."</p>
<p>"Well, golly gosh darn gee!" Flowey rolled his eyes. "<em>Maybe</em> if you had actually <em>said that</em> over the phone, we wouldn't have this issue, would we? Luckily for you, one of the parents here has them on call and can get the president in here."</p>
<p>"It's not even a real parent," Linda said loudly. "It has a hardboiled egg for a child."</p>
<p>"NO!1!!" A voice shouted from the back. "Tem is pROUD pARENT!"</p>
<p>"Yes, yes, we know," Flowey shouted back. "Can you just call the president?"</p>
<p>"HOI!"</p>
<p>"Their child doesn't even attend this school! Oh, what am I saying, it's an egg, eggs don't attend school. Stupid monsters..."</p>
<p>"Do you want to have a bad time, Linda?"</p>
<p>"Shut up, Sans!"</p>
<p>"HOI!!1!" A new voice that sounded identical to one of the parents in the room stopped everyone in the room. The man, who had been about to write something scathing on his clipboard, stopped and looked up at the still open door. Whatever it was, it was definitely a monster, he noted quickly on his clipboard. It skipped on its four paws up to the teacher desk and jumped on top next to Flowey.</p>
<p>"Hoi!" It said again. "PTA prez-E-dent Temmie is here!"</p>
<p>"Okay, the president's here now, are you happy?" Flowey asked the man.</p>
<p>"Mmm, yes," he said. "I'll be talking to them after this meeting, so please continue on with your normal schedule."</p>
<p>"Sheesh, what did you need the president for <em>now</em>, then? Whatever, like I was telling you in the hallway, we still need to discuss which winter play we're going to put on before break."</p>
<p>"<em>Christmas play</em>, you mean," Linda sniffed. "It is Christmas break, after all."</p>
<p>"Linda, we agreed last week that the official title was winter break, not Christmas break." Sans grinned not-happily at her.</p>
<p>"But it does happen around Christmas, not those other holidays," Helen piped up. "But that's not the point. I agree with Linda's notion from last week that we should do a nativity scene."</p>
<p>"The nativity scene <em>is</em> nice, ladies, but we should keep in mind that some families don't celebrate," Toriel said calmly. "Perhaps we should select a more inclusive and child friendly play."</p>
<p>"The nativity scene is <em>perfectly </em>child friendly!" Linda said indignantly.</p>
<p>"I never said it wasn't."</p>
<p>"You just want to put on some <em>monster </em>Christmas play, don't you?" Helen grumped.</p>
<p>"Monsters don't really have any Christmas plays, since we don't celebrate Christmas. We have similar decorations because of a seasonal event revolving around a story about giving gifts to a monster with trees for horns that were decorated by some unruly teens."</p>
<p>"What a vulgar story," Linda said, putting a hand to her chest, "and you want to recreate it for the <em>children</em>—"</p>
<p>"It's a beautiful day outside," Sans said, looking dramatically at the ceiling.</p>
<p>"Now listen to me you little—"</p>
<p>"NO! PTA prez-E-dent says... no foight! 'Kay?" Temmie stomped its front paw firmly on the table.</p>
<p>"But, Ms. Temmie..." Linda began.</p>
<p>"No foight! All agree, say 'HOI'!"</p>
<p>"Hoi?" some of the parents said, more as a question than a response.</p>
<p>"'Kay, 'kay, no foight!" The president, now confirmed a female, the man noted on his clipboard, vibrated intensely.</p>
<p>"Y-you're avoiding the problem!" Helen stammered.</p>
<p>"Yes," said Linda. "You just want to look like you won't pick sides. But <em>we</em> already know whose side you're on, don't we? It's all the same with you monsters."</p>
<p>Temmie made a strange smirk at the two ladies. "Is this a joke?" she asked coldly with a sharp sound on each word. "Are you having a chuckle? I'm the one with a degree, a successful business, <em>and </em>the presidency." The ladies sat down and looked at their laps. "That's what I thought."</p>
<p>The meeting continued on normally after that, the president making occasional interjections and vibrating noises. It was eventually decided that there would be a chorus in the stead of a play. Judges were decided, (two monsters and two humans, to the displeasured faces of some of the parents) and the meeting was adjourned. The official PTA person with official business whose only purpose is to progress the plot declined talking to the president afterwards, claiming to have "seen enough", which was just as well as the president had left due to vibrating too intensely. The man stepped outside the classroom and leaned against the hallway, muttering, "Monsters," before finishing the notes on his clipboard. <em>Despite the arguments between the humans and monsters, it cannot be denied that the PTA is efficient enough at making decisions to not be forcefully ended. So it seems, the monster x human school will remain in good standing." </em>The man frowned and reread his words. "Perhaps... I could word it... differently..." he placed the pen on the paper and was about to write when it felt like there was something on his back. He jumped away from the wall and saw a hole, and in the hole he saw a face. It was a Temmie.</p>
<p>"Hoi," it whispered. It took the clipboard with its mouth and pulled it into the hole. "You will regret this." The man blinked. The hole was gone now. The man slowly walked out of the building. The clipboard was returned to the state government building later on, along with the PTA grading paper. The notes had been left untouched.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head canon I don't actually think #4: OSP = One School Pairing: monster x human school.<br/>-<br/>This may seem like a silly little "head canon", but it actually ended up becoming the name I used to refer to the school from this point on. I was originally planning for the actual name to be "Ebott Elementary", but then I thought, "that's kind of boring. Now the monster x human school, /there's/ a name." And thus, it was done.<br/>When I posted this on my fanfiction.net account, someone left a review saying that The Official PTA Person with Official Business whose Only Purpose is to Progress the Plot could be nicknamed "Otto". I thought it was fitting, so his name is still /technically/ The Official PTA Person with Official Business whose Only Purpose is to Progress the Plot, people in the future will refer to him as Mr. Otto, or The Official PTA Person with Official Business whose Only Purpose is to Progress the Plot. The government is weird in Ebott Town.<br/>Fantastic Racism is found within a lot of these chapters, but its intensity fluctuates every so often. Sometimes it's worse, sometimes it's better. It just depends on what I'm feeling when I write one of these.<br/>Oh, and as for Flowey and Toriel's banter about Toriel being his mom... There's a sort of answer for that, but it's like, /way/ later in this collection.<br/>Anyway, I'll see you around. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. A Gentlemanly Game of Table Stickball</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The title is a reference to the Paradox Space comic, "The Inaugural Death of Mister Seven", which is one of the best comics in Paradox Space. "The Adventures of Lady Grimm" are a lot of fun, too, but the first one is going to be what is mostly referenced, aside from Homestuck in general. By the way, I wrote this all the way back in the year 2016, back when Homestuck ended. I mostly wanted to write this chapter as a way to express my feelings about the whole thing, and for posterity's sake, it's at the bottom of the page of the fanfiction.net posting, if you want to take a look. Of course, that was before PesterQuest and The Epilogues and Homestuck 2: Beyond Canon, so some of the questions I posed may be answered soon... or not. Anyway, I'll see you at the bottom of the page.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gaster burbled into the room. Despite visiting the PTA meetings on occasions before now, he was still considered an anomaly to most of the parents and teachers attending. It seems that some things don't change, whether you're in the Void or not.</p><p>"Dr. Gaster," a mother, Linda, if Gaster recalled correctly, approached him warily with a grimace on her face. "How... delightful to see you here. I presume Sans has gotten sick if you're here, then?"</p><p>"Indeed," Gaster replied softly, signing his words simultaneously. "I believe it may have something to do with his insistence on working late hours. I shall have to discuss that with him this evening."</p><p>Linda nodded, only sort of listening. "The meeting will begin in a minute, so you may want to hurry if you want something to eat. Or can eat, now that I think about it..."</p><p>"Yes, perhaps I will do that. I occasionally enjoy consuming eatables." Gaster nodded politely at Linda before his head and hands slid with squelching sound to the other side of his body. Sadly, his time in the Void had done a number on his ability to focus on his physical relationships with the physical world, so it was much easier to remain a gooey black blob with hands and a face than force himself into something more presentable. Perhaps one day...</p><p>Gaster reached the snack table and reached for a plastic knife. He cut a nice sized brownie square and set for himself on a napkin. He was about to turn away when a thought flashed across his face. He slowly cut the brownie into four smaller squares, then cut another square in the bottom left corner of the top right square. He cut another brownie into a triangle with an odd rectangle sticking out of the top. Putting the brownie pieces together made them resemble a house of sorts.</p><p>Oh...</p><p>That's right.</p><p>"Gaster, stop leaking all over the snack table!" Flowey yelled from across the room.</p><p>"My lemon squares!" Helen cried.</p><p>"My brownies!" Linda shouted angrily, stomping towards the void grandpa. "Now, you listen to me, monster man, I don't care how many doctorates you have, you—" she stopped short. "Dr. Gaster...?</p><p>Gaster turned his head to her slowly, most of his body melting all over the snack table and floor. From his blank, cresent shaped eye sockets, black oil seemed to slip slowly down his chin. He didn't speak, but his hands moved, "I don't know..." His body sank into the floor and disappeared, leaving oil slicks where he had melted.</p><p>"Freaking fantastic," Flowey grumbled loudly. "Well, we still have a meeting, so everyone take a seat."</p><p>-TIME-SKIP-</p><p>The meeting ended with little upset, and the parents began to file out of the meeting room. Linda picked up her brownie dish in disgust, trying not to touch any of the monster slime that freak of a freak oozed everywhere. She pressed her lips tightly and left the room, intending to throw the dish away as soon as she got home. She passed a teacher's common room in the hallway and heard a quiet clicking sound from the closed door. Linda paused, wondering if she had imagined it when she heard it again, followed by an even fainter rolling sound. Linda placed the ruined brownies on the floor and quietly opened the door. The windows were dark. The room, darker. The monster in the room, yet darker.</p><p>"Dr. Gaster?" Linda said, almost incredulous.</p><p>Gaster turned to face the mother. He seemed a bit taller, and it almost seemed as if he had arms and a dark coat instead of a blobby body and floating hands. "Ah, Linda..." he said quietly. He set down the object he was holding to sign to her.</p><p>"I'm not deaf, I can hear you," Linda clipped a bit sharply.</p><p>Gaster nodded and reequipped the object, but his fingers twitched and tapped the thing anyway. "Of, course, I know. Old habits die hard, they say." He turned away from her and leaned over the table in the middle of the room.</p><p>"...You missed the meeting," Linda said more quietly.</p><p>"I know. I deemed that I was... unfit for the responsibility today."</p><p>Linda stepped further into the room. "What are you doing?" she asked.</p><p>Gaster shuffled to the side and the light from the hallway fell on a table with green felt on top with balls of different colors randomly placed on the felt.</p><p>"Back in the Underground," he explained, "someone at the lab I worked in found something like this in the dump and brought it back. We probably would have just used it as a normal table, but, luckily, it came with instructions." He rubbed the object in his hands, which was now revealed to be a long stick that was almost as tall as he was. "When I wasn't working on the Core, I was practicing this game. Eventually, I became quite the professional player of Table Stickball."</p><p>"What?" said Linda.</p><p>"Oh, my, have you never played? It's quiet simple, really. You just keep hitting the roundcircles until they're all swallowed by the empty sockets—"</p><p>"Pool, Dr. Gaster. The game is called Pool, <em>not</em> 'table stickball'."</p><p>Gaster was silent for a moment. Then he sighed. Then he sighed again. With each sigh, his limbs and coat melted slowly back into a blob. "Forgive me. I know the game's name, it's just..." He sighed one last time, reverting fully into the form he had arrived at the school with. "It's a very long story."</p><p>Linda shifted her weight and looked at a wall. "I don't have to go anywhere tomorrow," she said, "and tomorrow is a weekend, so there's no school. I have time."</p><p>Gaster's eye sockets blinked impossibly, and then he slowly smiled. "I would be happy to tell you. Do have a seat." Linda grabbed a chair and positioned it near the still open door. Gaster aimed his stick at one of the roundcircles and hit it with a satisfying click. "It's a story about a boy and his friends who play a game together..."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head canon I don't actually think #5: Gaster is more math and science nerdy than fandom nerdy, but he does have a secret love for Homestuck (Which I don't own).<br/>-<br/>Not joking, the official summary of Homestuck is: A tale about a boy and his friends and a game they play together. In other news-- Here's some other notes I made about this chapter from all the way back then that still apply:<br/>I like to think Linda really is a little too hateful of things and people that are too different, but I also like to think that she truly is a mother at heart, and wants to look after others, even if she tends to go about it the wrong way. I also think that she and Gaster would get along, at least much better than she and Sans. Of course, he's still a monster, so she can't just treat him /too/ normally. No, no, that would be ridiculous. I josh, of course, but that's how she would see it.<br/>So anyway, did you like it? Leave a comment if you did; I'll see you later. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Happy 400th Death Anniversary</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter, like the last one, was written in the year 2016, which was the 400th anniversary of someone's death. Whose death? You'll have to read to find out!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When the monsters were trapped in the underground, they became something of a time capsule. All of their technology, books, and buildings were based off of what had been considered the norm before the barrier was created. The only access monsters had to the material evolution of humans was whatever fell into the dump, which was usually the least optimal of human creations. Still, the monsters made do with what they had and what little they could learn.</p><p>Toriel, like almost all of the monsters, had a love of books and reading. While she was mostly known for reading joke books and snail fact books, there was one human authoring in particular that she had a fondness for. Naturally, since the books came underground via the dump, she had never managed to read one of this writer's works in its entirety, but she loved each word nonetheless.</p><p>When the monsters were freed from the underground, she had learned with delight that many humans shared mutual feelings about this playwright, and had millions of copies of nearly all of his works. She bought one of all. Since Toriel had surrounded herself with people who understood her passion, she was quiet surprised at the response she received when she proposed putting on one of these plays to the PTA.</p><p>"Absolutely not!" Linda stated.</p><p>Toriel blinked. "Why not?"</p><p>"Because that's much too difficult for the children," Linda replied. Helen nodded next to her.</p><p>"Besides, <em>I</em> heard that Shakespeare didn't even write his own plays," Linda crossed her arms and smirked. "He stole them from the nobleman who wrote them and claimed them as his own."</p><p>Toriel stood from her chair and set her palms on the table. "That simply isn't true," she said indignantly. "There is no proof that anyone else wrote Shakespeare's works. And saying that Shakespeare is too hard to learn is just going to hurt the children in the long run."</p><p>"Just because there isn't proof of something doesn't mean it's not true," Linda replied, "like the fact that monsters would eat people when they fell underground—"</p><p>BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!</p><p>"Hey, HEY, order in the cafeteria!" Flowey shouted, smacking the horn on his toy wagon with a tiny hammer like a gavel. "There will be no smack talking in my meeting!" Linda tsked and flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder. Flowey drove between Toriel and Linda and shifted his gaze at them, his eyes dark and fanged mouth turned in a frown.</p><p>Toriel sighed and slowly sat down. "I apologize, Flowey," she said.</p><p>Flowey nodded curtly and turned to Linda, who remained silent. "You too, Linda."</p><p>"Fine," she said. "I'm sorry… that you're a monster." Flowey growled and summoned siome friendliness pellets.</p><p>Helen quickly raised her hand. "Perhaps we should put it to a vote. All in favor of making our children recite a difficult, boring play full of violence, raise your hand." No one raised their hand. "Alright, and those in favor of giving our children a much easier, happier play that they will have fun with, raise your hand." Nearly everyone's hand went up. Helen smirked at Toriel. "We have a majority."</p><p>"That was clearly a biased vote!" Toriel protested.</p><p>"Oh, sorry, dear, sometimes monsters don't get their way. That's life," Linda smiled as sweetly as vinegar. "And look at the time; it's time for the meeting to be over."</p><p>"Hold it!" Flowey beeped his horn. "The meeting is over when I say it's over!"</p><p>"You can't keep us here!" Helen said loudly. "We have places to be!"</p><p>"I have to make dinner!" A father shouted.</p><p>"I have a date!"</p><p>"I have to pay the babysitter!</p><p>"My project needs to get done!"</p><p>"My watermelon!"</p><p>"ALRIGHT!" Flowey shouted angrily. "MEETING DISMISSED! EVERYONE GET OUT!" Flowey sighed as everyone exited. "Sorry you didn't get your play, Mom."</p><p>"It's alright," Toriel sighed and picked Flowey up in his wagon, "and I'm not your mother."</p><p>"Mom, can we have watermelon after dinner?"</p><p>"Very well."</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Lalala~ Time Skip!</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>"What's wrong, Tori?" Sans asked. He and Papyrus had come over to Toriel's house for dinner that evening. Toriel was moving her dinner around her plate quietly. Flowey, now out of his wagon and simply in a pot on the table, spoke up.</p><p>"She's sad because the PTA didn't vote to do a dumb play that she liked. They picked one that was even dumber." Frisk batted lightly at Flowey's petals and wagged their finger in a scolding way.</p><p>"Oh, really?" Sans asked. "What was the play?"</p><p>"William Shakespeare's <em>Romeo and Juliet.</em> I thought it would be an excellent play for the children to perform for the school fundraiser, but, clearly, I was alone in that thought." Frisk patted her arm.</p><p>"Gee, that's too bad," Papyrus said as he got a second helping of pasta. "Mettaton would have liked that. He played a damsel in distress once when Frisk was underground, and he did magnificently."</p><p>Frisk suddenly lay one hand open upwards and smacked their palm with their other fist.</p><p>"What's up, kid?" Sans asked. Frisk raised their hands to sign, then paused to look at Toriel.</p><p>"Do you want me to leave the room, my child?" she asked. Frisk nodded.</p><p>"Well, I suppose…" She got up to leave. "Just don't make a mess."</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Yadada~ Another Time Skip~</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>"Thanks for having us over! Nyeh heh heh!" Papyrus skipped out the door to his bright red car.</p><p>"Thanks, Tori," Sans said with a wave.</p><p>"Anytime, Sans. You and Papyrus are always welcome. Oh, by the way, what did Frisk say when I left?"</p><p>Sans winked. "That's a secret. But don't worry, I promise that you won't be quaking with… Shakes-<em>fear.</em>"</p><p>"SANS!" Papyrus yelled as Toriel burst out laughing.</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Yadapop~ Month Long Time Skip!~</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>"May I open my eyes now, my child?" Toriel asked as Frisk pulled her along by her arm. Toriel was covering her eyes with the other arm. "It was starting to get dark when we left the house, and it has been nearly five minutes…" She stopped talking when she bumped into Frisk, who was now pulling at her sleeve. "Open my eyes now? Alright…" She removed her arm and looked around, gasping when she saw the sign.</p><p>They were both standing outside A Nearby Theater, the local theater with a dumb name. A sign hanging above the two sets of doors leading inside read: <em>A Nearby Theater proudly presents Shakespeare's </em>Romeo and Juliet<em>, staring the students of Ebott Elementary, and featuring Mettaton! All proceeds go to Ebott Elementary!</em> The line to buy a ticket was a mix of monsters and humans, talking excitedly to each other.</p><p>Toriel wiped her eye and knelt to hug the human child. "I love it, my child. How on Earth did you manage this?" Frisk pointed behind her at the approaching Sans.</p><p>"Heya, Tori. Hey, kiddo. This whole thing looks like a success, no <em>tears</em> about it."</p><p>Toriel quickly scrubbed at eyes and chuckled softly. "Sans! I didn't know you liked Shakespeare."</p><p>"Eh, I didn't think much about him, but then Frisk here showed me some of his comedies. I've got to love a guy who can make so many puns in ten lines."</p><p>Toriel clapped her hands. "Well, I certainly cannot wait to see what the students—"</p><p>"What is <em>THIS?!</em>" A shout made them jump suddenly and turn to see Linda stomping towards them. Her car window was rolled down, and her son, dressed like a lamb, could be seen inside looking mortified.</p><p>"Linda," Sans said with a broad grin. "Didn't expect you to come."</p><p>"Why is there another play? You can't have two plays for the school! The school can't afford this!" She glared at Toriel. "<em>You</em> did this, didn't you? You and that flower put this on without telling anyone. The school board won't allow! I'll tell on you both and you'll get kicked out of the school!"</p><p>"Actually, the school didn't fund this. This was entirely paid for by Mettaton and his troupe, and they'll be donating all the money earned to the school. So, yeah." Sans' grin got even bigger.</p><p>Linda sputtered, "You can't have a rival school play!"</p><p>"Shouldn't have talked smack, Linda."</p><p>Linda shouted in frustration and stormed back to the car.</p><p>"You might want to hurry," Sans called after her, "your kid's starting to look a little <em>sheepish</em>."</p><p>Linda screamed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head canon I don't actually think #6: Toriel has a huge passion for Shakespeare. She mostly teaches monster history, but she's been hoping to start a Shakespeare club at the school someday.<br/>-<br/>So what was the play the monster x human school PTA ended up choosing? Little Bo Peep. I don't actually remember what happens in that story; all I remember is that she lost her sheep. That's it. I /could/ look up the story on the internet myself... eh. Maybe later.<br/>I was taking a class about Shakespeare in high school when I posted this; I remember it fondly. We all contributed a little money and bought a cake, and our teacher cried a bit. Good times. The whole class was a good time. Take a Shakespeare class if you get the chance (and like Shakespeare; it helps if you like Shakespeare).<br/>Would it have been a good idea for an elementary school to perform a romantic tragedy? (Looks at the world) ... Eh.<br/>Anyway, I'll be back soon. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. The Absolute God Who Comes When DUMMIES are Bullying, Dude</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is the chapter where the UnderFresh and StoryShift AU tags and characters apply. It's the only one that does so. Someone suggested this way back when, and my sleep deprived brain decided to roll with it. I said it before, and I'll say it again: I AM NEVER DOING THIS CHAPTER'S AU EVER AGAIN. Technically, this AU would be called PTA StoryFresh, but since no one in their right mind would do anything with it, it doesn't really matter. But if it /did/ matter... then Sans would be the king of the Underground, Asriel and Chara would be the boss monster bros, and Mad Dummy would be... I don't know, the bar tender or something. I don't really pay much attention to the StoryShift AU beyond the basics, and even then, I don't know a lot.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was the nineteen ninety's or something. There was totally a PTA meeting going on and stuff. Linda, the super un-fresh mom, was wearing her totally lame clothes and being totally lame.</p>
<p>"Alright, everyone, it's national Anti-Bullying Month, and I was thinking that we should make organized and informational posters that help explain why people shouldn't be bullies."</p>
<p>All of the boring and totally lame parents in the uncool meeting room nodded. And then, a hip and most definitely FrEsH voice totally shouted, "NOT RADICAL!"</p>
<p>Linda sighed in an un-fresh breath. "Sans, no shouting in the meeting. And I thought I said that those clothes and that language were completely inappropriate and that you shouldn't wear them."</p>
<p>Sansy-Fresh, the totally hip and fReSh skele-bro king stood up, revealing his fresh duds in the colors of only the freshest of rainbows, man. He pointed a neon fingerless gloved hand at her and shouted, "That's also an unradical decision!" Sansy-Fresh jumped on the table and moonwalked to the center.</p>
<p>"Get down from there!" Linda shouted, being not cool. "I'm calling security!"</p>
<p>"Listen up, bros! Bullying is a super serious and uncool thing to do, and lame and colorless posters won't do a thing. Super UnRaD!"</p>
<p>"Got a better idea, you crazy punk?" Linda snapped with a super bulky and slightly fresher mobile phone in her hand.</p>
<p>"Yo, you bet'cha I do!" He shot her a double pistols-and-a-wink. "Liggity-listen here! Kids today don't do unrad things like reading or whatever, ch'yah?"</p>
<p>"Plenty of children read! Or at least the good ones-!"</p>
<p>"And bullies so un-fresh that the kids who are being bullied are too skitty-scared to tell other dudes, riggity-right?"</p>
<p>"Well, that's their fault, then. They should just grow up and—"</p>
<p>"Bro, that's harsh. Man, why can't we just all up be loving and fresh together?" Sansy-fresh wiggled his false eyebrows and lifted his radical You-Only-Live-Once shades. "SaY tHaT aBoUt KiDs WhO gEt BuLlIeD OnE mOrE tImE aNd IlL GrOw <strong><em>you </em></strong>Up." Linda shrieked and dropped her phone on her foot.</p>
<p>"Any-wiggity-way, bros, this is MY totally fresh plan…"</p>
<p>Some Days Later, During School Hours…</p>
<p>A girl pushed another girl to the ground, and the two boys at her side began to kick at the grounded child. Super unrad.</p>
<p>"You're so lame!" One of the boys sneered at the fallen girl.</p>
<p>"Yeah, you like those stupid monsters, so you don't have any friends!" said the other boys.</p>
<p>The leader girl crossed her arms and glared at the crying girl on the ground. "I don't like your attitude, ch'yah? Those monsters are super uncool, and so are you!"</p>
<p>The littler girl cried and covered her head with her arms. She cried for help…</p>
<p>"Hey, little bros, what the higgity-hey is this noise?"</p>
<p>But someone came.</p>
<p>The bullies turned to find a small, furry goat monster in rad threads, with an even radder rainbow colored scarf around its neck.</p>
<p>"What are you supposed to be?" The lame girl asked.</p>
<p>The goat monster set its hands on its hips. "I am the Absolute God of Hyper-Fresh, yo!" He lifted his star shaped sunglasses. "WhY aRe YoU bEiNg BuLlIeS, yO?"</p>
<p>The lame kids screamed and ran away. The monster lowered its shades. "Turbo-tastic!" It offered a hand to the little girl who was gaping up at him like she was totally a fish. "Are you alright, my lady-bro?"</p>
<p>"Um," the girl said, taking its hand. "Yes?"</p>
<p>"Turbo-tastic!" I'm Asriel, the Absolute God of Hyper-Fresh! I'm a member of the radical Anti-Bully Squad!" He struck a pose and she giggled.</p>
<p>"Thank you for saving me," she said shyly.</p>
<p>"Yo, yo, yo! Is that my rad-bro Asriel?" A voice called from behind the two.</p>
<p>"Yo! Chara! You should have seen me, man!" The girl turned to see the freshest group of monsters in the entire school: the Anit-Bully Squad. Chara, the one who Asriel was doing a sick secret handshake with, was actually a human, with a neon green hoodie, pointy shades and rainbow colored knee-pads. Behind them was a skeleton with a backwards cap, shades and neon pastel duds. Behind that monster was what looked like a bro-beaten training dummy with round shades and painted pink and orange with spray paint.</p>
<p>"Radical, bro, radical," Chara smiled at their bro. The skeleton had turned his attention to the little girl.</p>
<p>"Hey-yo, dudette, what's your name?"</p>
<p>The girl shuffled her bland and not-so-fresh shoes. "I'm Anna."</p>
<p>"Awesome name, little bro! Man, do you know why those not radical bros were all up and bullying you?"</p>
<p>Anna looked down. "They think I'm unfresh because I don't wear the clothes they do, or talk like them. And I like the monsters, too, so I don't have any friends."</p>
<p>"Pah!" said the dummy, hovering in the air and boogying around. "They're totally all dummies, dummies, DUMMIES! People like us don't need friends! Who needs friends…" A neon purple Toy Knife appeared in Anna's hand. "When we have KNIVES?!"</p>
<p>Anna looked around at her knew Fresh friends and her super fresh present. "Thank you all so much!"</p>
<p>The Squad gathered around for a tubular group hug.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head canon I don't actually think #7: Mad Dummy is a counselor at the school. He gives the kids free toy knives, and helping the kids helps his anger management.<br/>-<br/>The head canon here was just a sort of last minute thought I put in. It occurred to me that Mad Dummy didn't have a place in this PTA AU, so I gave him one. We'll actually see him in action in a later chapter.<br/>So... I hope you enjoyed this nightmare, because I didn't. I'll see you in the next one. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. A Special Guest Message</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>When I first published this, it was less of a story and more of a way to sneak an author's note into the middle of a chapter to talk to someone I was having an issue with. After a while, I realized that this wasn't fair to people who weren't that one person, so I erased the note and made this a proper chapter. A short chapter, but a chapter none the less.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The PTA meeting was full of chittering and chattering. Parents whispered to each other, some more excited than others. Linda had her arms crossed and was brooding quietly. Helen kept glancing between the snack table and the door to see what would happen first: the arrival of the guest and someone eating her lemon squares.</p>
<p>Flowey was pensive. In place of his usual PTA pot, he was sitting in a brand new Flowey pot and wearing a tiny bow clip on his stem like a bowtie. He kept adjusting the white polka dotted red bow and glancing at the door of the meeting room. Any minute now…</p>
<p>The door opened and everyone stopped talking. From the outside, there was quiet talking, and then some grunting as a huge monster squeezed into the room.</p>
<p>He was dressed in a long purple cloak that engulfed everything but his head, with huge golden shoulder plates that gave him a sharp and square look. His head, seeming much smaller than the rest of his body, was covered in gold hair and white fur, with a shaggy beard, floppy ears, and a kind smile on his snout. Between his two large horns was a small gold crown that blended in with the golden hair on his head.</p>
<p>Some parents, mostly monsters but some humans as well, stood to greet him. He waved them off. “Please, there is no need. I am no longer a king in action but in title. Treat me as you would any other guest.” Asgore Dreemurr, the ex-king of monsters, turned and gestured for a smaller man to enter. He had dark skin that radiated warmth despite the unusually cool day, and wore a blue suit with a red tie. He smiled brightly at everyone.</p>
<p>“I’m glad to see so many parents here for the good of their children,” the man said. “For those of you who don’t know, my name is Elijah Banks, and I am the mayor of Ebott Town. I’m here with Mr. Dreemurr and his wonderful assistant, Frisk Dreemurr…” Here, he paused to gesture at the young human who had almost gone unnoticed by the parents when they entered the room. Frisk waved at everyone, and a few parents (again, mostly monsters but some humans as well) waved back at them. Elijah continued, “I’m here with these two to give a talk about how important the monster x human school is, and how important the choices you each make for the student and staff body are for the entire world. So, without further ado, I would like to begin. Frisk, if you would?”</p>
<p>Frisk nodded and stepped between the ex-king and the current mayor. They lifted their hands and waited. The parents who were hard of hearing leaned forward so they could see the tiny human’s hands.</p>
<p>“I remember when monsters first appeared on the surface a while ago, after being trapped for so long that we humans nearly forgot their existence,” Elijah began. “I myself thought someone was pulling a prank on me when I was told that monsters were coming into our town with requests of peace. That was when I was introduced to the king of monsters, Asgore, and the human he had chosen as his ambassador, Frisk. I was a bit confused and almost a little frightened, but it didn’t take long for me to realize that these people were just that: people, looking for peace and opportunities. I worked closely with the leaders of the monsters—their king, their ex-queen, their royal guards, and so on—and we established as peaceful a treaty of equality as we could as quickly as possible. It took a lot of meetings with other government officials, other world leaders, and so on, but we’ve eventually come to where we are today. It’s not perfect, but we’re working on it. And that’s where you come in.”</p>
<p>“To conclude,” Elijah finished, “monsters and humans <em>can</em> coexist, and this school is proof of that. I’m very proud of you all for taking the responsibility of keeping the school’s interests in line with your children’s wellbeing. It’s not easy, I know, sending your children to a school that seems so different from the one you experienced as a child, but this is for the benefit of everyone. And perhaps, one day, we’ll have a world where everyone can truly live equally. Thank you for your time.”</p>
<p>All of the parents stood and applauded. Sans leaned next to Linda. “Nice speech, huh?”</p>
<p>“Hmm,” Linda replied, eyebrows creased in thought.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #8: When Asgore gives speeches at embassies and things like that, Frisk translates for him. Frisk likes this a lot, to the point that they offer their signing abilities to other officials and school-wide events, when they have the time.<br/>-<br/>And now, a little about the mayor of Ebott Town:<br/>Elijah Banks. A name I came up with on the spot, but a character I actually like. I imagine him to be really smiley with blinding white teeth and dark skin that's always warm, even if he's been in a freezer for a few hours. He can also rock a good suit. He's the one who worked closely with Asgore and Toriel to create the monster x human school. Very serious about education... and fun!<br/>I'll be back with another one soon, so until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Fire Mop Dancing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Remember Gloria? Today we'll be going into Gloria's backstory a bit, and delving into her friendship with Grillby. When I originally set out to write this chapter all the way back in 2016, it was supposed to be focused on Grillby, but at the time, he didn't have a major role in the PTA, so I didn't have a lot to go on (he is now co-treasurer and a caterer of the monster x human school). Gloria, on the other hand, had potential that I explored in one go. So here you go.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gloria opened the door to Grillby's Up Top and shut it behind her quietly. Some of the customers turned to her and waved politely. It probably wasn't a good thing that Gloria was starting to become a usual at the restaurant. She kept her head low until she reached the bar and flumped down on her usual stool. Oh, great; she even had her own stool now. She sighed and rested her elbow on the dark wood and her chin in her hand.</p>
<p>Grillby, the dapperly dressed fire monster bar tender, cocked his head at her as if to say, "Again?"</p>
<p>Gloria waved off his look with her free hand. "Not tonight, Grillby. I just need a place to relax. Got any non-alcoholic stuff back there?"</p>
<p>Silently, Grillby walked through the fire exit and returned with a bottle of grape soda. He pulled a short glass from under the bar and filled it to the brim before sliding it to the middle aged woman. She gulped it down.</p>
<p>"What happened to me, Grillby?" Gloria began. A puff of sparks wafted slowly from Grillby's head like a deep sigh. "Just hear me out. I used to be young, with my whole life ahead of me, dreams and all that jazz. Thirty years later, I'm sitting at a bar owned by a literal hot head—" A shorter puff of sparks, like a snort of laughter, "—drinking a shot glass of grape soda and having a stupid PTA meeting to go to tomorrow. I just… thought things would be different, you know?"</p>
<p>Grillby took the shot glass and began to wipe it down with a cloth. Gloria reached into her giant purse for her wallet. "Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm not happy with some of the things in my life. I've got a smart husband, a beautiful girl… say, aren't you a father? That little green fire girl that goes to the monster high school is yours, isn't she?" Grillby nodded. "So you know how it is. You wouldn't give her up for the world, right?" Another nod. "Yeah…" Gloria sighed, looking out of the corner of her eye and imagining her ever excitable Mary. "I guess… I just thought I'd be doing more, not just be a stay at home mom, you know?"</p>
<p>It had only been eight o'clock when Gloria arrived at Grillby's Up Top, but it had grown later into the night and the bar was now mostly empty, save for a few monsters and the one-sided conversers.</p>
<p>"Let me tell you something," Gloria said suddenly. She set one hand on her hip and leaned casually against the bar. "Back when I was in college, I had a figure that wouldn't quit, and fancy foot work, to boot." Grillby stopped wiping the bar and looked interested, or as interested as fire can get. "Boy, let me tell you, I was the head of my class, got my major in dancing arts, everyone knew who I was as soon as I started moving. I just knew that as soon as I got out of college, I'd join a dancing troop, any dancing troop, and spend the rest of my life dancing the night away. Then I met Peter, and we eloped together, all the way down to the Ebott area before we finally settled and married. I figured that I'd make Ebott Town famous for my dancing, but then one thing led to another, and Mary was born. I love that child, but she was a lot of work when she was a baby. Peter had to be at work constantly to make ends meet, so I was bogged down with the baby, and the pregnancy had given me a good dozen or so pounds, and…" Gloria fiddled with her shirt. "I guess I just forgot how to dance. And now, with Peter going back to the college we met at to get a masters in architecture, I'm left to wait down here, wait for the check to come in the mail, and make sure Mary doesn't turn out wrong."</p>
<p>Gloria looked up at Grillby, who was nodding slowly with his arms crossed. When he noticed her looking, he pointed behind him at sign that showed the closing time of the restaurant. "Aw, geez, is that late already? Sorry Grillby. I'll be going. Thanks for listening to me ramble." Grillby nodded again and walked through the fire exit. Gloria picked up her purse and put her coat on. She sighed and looked around the dark and empty room. It was so late at this point that by the time she got home, she'd still have a huge headache in the morning. <em>And, on top of every other problem I've got,</em> she thought, <em>I've got a headache magnet like nothing the world's ever seen.</em></p>
<p>She was about to leave when she suddenly heard a thumping sound. She quieted her breathing and listened carefully. It was a consistent thumping, and not so much a physical thumping as the vibrating thumps of heavy base music. She looked toward the fire exit.</p>
<p>Normally, people, especially humans, wouldn't be able to use the fire exit because they weren't made of fire, but the exit was left open just a crack. Stepping quietly and in time to the beat, Gloria made her way to the exit and peeked inside. Beyond the door, a brightly lit room and the sound of some kind of rock music seemed to beckon her to come in.</p>
<p>Gloria leaned further into the room and looked around, doing a double take when she saw Grillby. He was dressed the same as he had been before, and he was now mopping the floor. The way he was mopping the floor is what made Gloria jump. He gripped the mop handle with both hands and swept the mop head side to side against the floor, in time with the thumping. Also in time with the thumping, he would lift both of his heels and turn them to the side, then rest on them as he lifted the toes of his shoes, and keep going like that, changing from left to right every few beats. Suddenly the music would change, and he'd swing the mop around like a fire dancer and kick his legs out high and spin. Gloria gasped audibly.</p>
<p>Grillby jumped five feet and the air and dropped the mop, flames roaring wildly as he searched for the noise. When he saw Gloria, he quickly reequipped the mop and began to mop normally. Gloria continued to gape. Grillby kept mopping until he realized that his secret had been discovered and he lowered his head in shame.</p>
<p>"So the rumor…" Gloria said in awe, "that you work as a dancing janitor…"</p>
<p>"It's true," Grillby's voiced whispered quietly. His head lowered further.</p>
<p>"You're going to want me to keep this a secret, aren't you?" Gloria asked. Grillby nodded. "Alright, I will. But on one condition."</p>
<p>Grillby looked up at her in a way that seemed to bitterly ask, "Money, perhaps? Black mail, even?"</p>
<p>Gloria reached out her hand. "Hand me that mop."</p>
<p>Grillby looked incredulous as he slowly handed her the mop. The music was still playing. Gloria held the mop against the floor and cocked her head to listen, tapping her foot to the beat. From her foot, the beat moved up to her hips, and from there, moved to the mop, swishing quietly against the wood boards. Soon, she was shaking and shimmying around the room, swinging the mop around her, first like a dance partner, then like a limbo rod, then like a mop.</p>
<p>Grillby stood in awe of this human woman. Never before had he seen a human dance with such passion. Sadly, it couldn't last. The music finally ended, and Grillby clapped quietly as Gloria let out a loud whoop.</p>
<p>"I feel alive again!" she exclaimed, tossing the mop away and hugging herself. Grillby suddenly stopped clapping and snapped his fingers to get Gloria's attention. He pointed at a camera on a tripod that had gone unnoticed during the whole shebang.</p>
<p>"Sure, keep the video," Gloria said.</p>
<p>Grillby cocked his head as if to ask, "Are you sure?"</p>
<p>"Grillby, it's midnight. I'm a tired forty two year old mother who just danced for the first time in nearly twenty years and I don't know if I can even see straight because I'm so tired. Keep the video. Do whatever you want with it. I'll see you tomorrow."</p>
<p>Gloria gathered her things, waved goodbye, and walked out of the room and out of the restaurant. Grillby watched her go before he went up to the camera and clicked the stop button.</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>Some days later…</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>"… Normally, darlings, I would offer MTT Brand concessions to sell at the last junior soccer game of the year, but unfortunately, my company just got a huge marketing deal in Japan, and my snackage will be in short supply until a new equilibrium of production and selling can be reached." Mettaton EX tossed his hair as he sat back down between Undyne and Frisk at the PTA meeting. "I hate to disappoint you, dears, but it looks like I can't help you this time around." Frisk patted his arm gently.</p>
<p>"Hmmph," said Linda as she crossed her arms. "It's all fine to me. <em>I</em> wouldn't let my child eat any of your monster food, anyway."</p>
<p>"You're missing out, Linda darling," Mettaton replied.</p>
<p>"Yeah, punk!" Undyne said loudly. "His snacks are better than your brownies any day!"</p>
<p>"How dare you?!" Linda shrieked.</p>
<p>"Order in the courtyard!" Flowey shouted angrily. "There will be no metaphorical food fights out here!"</p>
<p>That day, the PTA had decided in a rare unanimous decision to hold the meeting outside in the courtyard because of the lovely weather. Everyone had made a makeshift circle out of picnic blankets and ate their respective snacks as they watched the conversations bounce around.</p>
<p>"Okay, look," said Flowey. "If Robobo over there can't get us anything for the soccer game, then I vouch for the original plan of having Miss Tuffet and Lava Boy cater to the event." Linda raised her hand. "Yes, Linda?"</p>
<p>"This doesn't solve the problem of monsters serving food that could be dangerous to the human children. Why don't we get someone like—"</p>
<p>"Because Grillby's Up Top and Muffet's Parlor both offer human and monster food, and they're our best sponsors, and we've been over this for the whole school year: MONSTER FOOD ISN'T DANGEROUS TO HUMANS." Flowey smacked his head with a leaf. "Literally the whole school year, Linda. It's not my problem if your ears don't work."</p>
<p>Linda put a hand to her chest. "<em>Well,</em>" she huffed. "Monster or not, I don't want my child to be served by someone who might be…" she shuddered. "A <em>dancing janitor</em>."</p>
<p>Murmurs went around the picnic circle. Mary looked up at her mom. Gloria suddenly raised her hand. "That's just a rumor, Linda. Stop trying to hurt people with stuff you hear on the internet."</p>
<p>Linda turned up her nose. "Well, I suppose you <em>would</em> defend one of your own, wouldn't you?" Some of the parents who hadn't known this information gasped.</p>
<p>Grillby had a privacy contract with his dancing troop that would keep his alter ego a secret, but Gloria had no such connection with the company. When Grillby had sent the video recording in to his higher ups, Gloria's dancing had been sent as well and was soon spread around the internet. This video clip of Gloria shaking it out had also reached the eyes of a few other dancing troops as well. Gloria smirked at Linda.</p>
<p>"At least <em>I've</em> got a job with The Huge International Fancy-Pants Dancing Company That Pays Big Bucks, <em>and</em> I've got a child who loves me instead of fearing me, <em>AND</em> I'm still with my first husband while you just divorced your third man."</p>
<p><em>OOOOOOOOOOOH,</em> everyone shouted. Flowey whooped and pumped his leaves in the air. Mettaton kicked his hot leg high. Undyne suplexed a nearby picnic table. Frisk put on a pair of heart shaped sun glasses and made a thumbs up. Mary jumped into the air and hugged her mom around her waist. Linda's mouth dropped open.</p>
<p>And the glorious Gloria, along with everyone there, shouted:</p>
<p>"<em>GEEEEEEEEET DUNKED ON, LINDA!"</em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head canon I don't actually think #9: Grillby works part time as a dancing janitor. The company he works for has no name, and its very existence is a rumor, only existing on the internet in a hidden website. Being a dancing janitor, while unusual, is considered completely scandalous in Ebott Town and other small towns. Why? No one knows for sure; it just is. Dancing janitors definitely aren’t strippers, though, so that’s not the reason.<br/>-<br/>I imagine that being a dancing janitor wasn't a job people in Ebott Town and other small towns thought existed, but when the rumors that Grillby was one himself started going around, people just assumed it was something scandalous. It didn't help that Grillby is naturally embarrassed to share his unconventional hobbies. Why is Grillby a dancing janitor if he has a successful restaurant? I think it's more of a hobby thing than a thing he does for money, though dancing janitors /do/ get paid a lot.<br/>-<br/>The company that hired Gloria, The Huge International Fancy-Pants Dancing Company that Pays Big Bucks, isn't a janitorial dancing troupe, but a plain and simple all-kinds-of-dancing troupe. Since it's international, Gloria can just record herself at home (Grillby probably gave her a standard but good quality recording camera to start her off) and then receive bi-weekly/bi-monthly payments. She'll also get to travel around the country during summer breaks to dance live or be an instructor. Mary and Peter are very proud of her.<br/>-<br/>Grillby and Gloria are good friends, mostly from Gloria's trips to the bar but even further due to Grillby and Gloria's dance night. On her birthday, Gloria comes to Grillby's Up Top after hours so they can dance with mops and do what they're passionate about. When Peter comes to Ebott Town on breaks from college, he talks dad troubles with Grillby, and their friendship grows from there. Grillby's daughter, Fuku Fire Girl (pretty sure that's what she's called), babysits Mary sometimes.<br/>-<br/>Leave a comment and tell me what you thought of this! I'll see you later; until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. "Mad" Spelled Backwards Can Hold Back Floods</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Turning away from PTA shenanigans for a bit to work out some inner frustrations. Back at the end of junior year, in my JROTC program, I was co-head of decorations for the Military Ball we'd hold every year, and there were some... frustrations, on everyone's end, including mine. I wrote this as a way to vent. I've graduated high school about three or so years ago, but I still don't want to look at my instructor. Not that I have to, since he moved away, but I'm stubborn and will stick to my convictions. Anyway, see you at the bottom of the page.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Neal walked into the Student's Office and blinked at the small training dummy that was sitting at the secretary desk. This was going to be a long day.</p>
<p>Offices always made Neal nervous, even if he wasn't in trouble. Doctors, dentists, it didn't matter who used the office. The fifth grader recalled a time when he was even younger when he'd been called down to the principal's office to get an award of some kind. Of course, no one had told <em>him</em> that, and he ended up crying just outside the door because he thought he was in trouble. Yeah, that's how bad it was.</p>
<p>He blinked again at the dummy. It was a head shorter than him, and was set in front of a computer as if it could actually use it without arms. It didn't seem to notice that he had arrived.</p>
<p>"Um," Neal said quietly. The dummy remained silent. "I'm here to talk to the counselor. Is… now a good time?" The dummy, clearly, was not much for conversation. "Why am I talking to a dummy that can't talk?" Neal asked, more to himself than to the dummy. The dummy tired of Neal's questions and floated out through an open window. (You won! Receive 0 EXP and 0 Gold!)</p>
<p>Neal watched the dummy go. He couldn't say he blamed the dummy that much. But now his path was clear, and a door with the word "Counselor" on the cloudy glass leered in his direction. Neal sighed. "Better late than never," he muttered to himself. He hesitantly opened the door.</p>
<p>"DUMMY!" A loud voice made Neal jump. In the counselor's office, a small room that barely fit a large wooden desk, a lamp, and a tiny wooden stool greeted him, which was more than what could be said for the rest of the room. Another training dummy, this one much more obviously sentient, was hovering in the air and swinging his base around angrily. He was throwing knives at a dart board on one side of the room. Nearly all of the knives hit their mark, while a few spiraled to the side and bounced off the wall, to which the dummy would shout, "DUMMY!" and throw the next knife even harder.</p>
<p>"Mr.… Dummy?" Neal said. The dummy became distracted and missed the dart board again.</p>
<p>"DUMMY!" the dummy shouted again before turning to Neal, angry red eyes making Neal flinch. "What do you want? I'm busy!"</p>
<p>Neal was about to speak again when he noticed a picture of a blonde woman taped on the dart board with several knives in her face. "Is that Mrs. Linda from the PTA?" he asked.</p>
<p>"That is a DUMMY, is what it is!" The dummy landed on the floor and began to jump up and down angrily like a big boot. "It's thanks to DUMMIES like her that my cousin is getting replaced next week!"</p>
<p>"Your cousin, sir?"</p>
<p>"That's right!" The dummy jerked his head in Neal's direction. "My cousin is also my secretary. But thanks to that DUMMY that you see here, he's going to get replaced with someone because 'It's an object' and 'can't have a job'. Like that's stopped anyone before! It's stupid, stupid, STUPID!"</p>
<p>Neal looked at a knife that was stuck deeply in Linda's ear. "Is this legal?"</p>
<p>"Silly boy, anything is legal if you keep it a secret."</p>
<p>"That's rarely a good thing."</p>
<p>"Neither are DUMMIES like her!"</p>
<p>Neal decided to drop it. "Sir, I came to talk to you about… well, me."</p>
<p>The dummy sighed dramatically and jerked his head at the tiny chair in front of his desk. "Fine. Have a seat, boy." Neal sat in the seat. The seats exaggerated tininess and the desks exaggerated largeness made Neal feel smaller than he ever had been. The dummy looked at the tiny laptop screen on his desk. How did he use it without arms? "Let me see, let me see, let me see… ah, yes. You are Neal, son of Pete from the PTA."</p>
<p>"Actually, my last name is—"</p>
<p>"Anyway, my name is Mad Dummy! Since you are a student, you may either refer to me as Mad Dummy or Mad Dummy! The same rule applies for anyone who talks to me!"</p>
<p>"Um, yes, Mad Dummy, sir."</p>
<p>"Now then," Mad Dummy leaned forward and looked at Neal. "Tell me who the DUMMIES are." Neal looked confused. Mad Dummy rolled his eyes. "What seems to be the problem, dear sweet human child?" he asked sarcastically.</p>
<p>"Oh," said Neal. Then he looked at his twiddling thumbs. "It's my teacher, I guess, who is being the dummy."</p>
<p>Mad Dummy nodded as if he had expected such a response.</p>
<p>"It's just… I know he's just doing to be 'helpful' or whatever, but it's not working and he makes me mad."</p>
<p>Another nod. "Elaborate, boy."</p>
<p>"You see, in class, we've been working with each other to host this 'fifth grade finale', where we all come and eat food and have fun before we go to sixth grade. And every fifth grade class has to do something for the finale, like sell tickets, make posters," Neal puffed his chest a bit with pride, "and <em>my</em> class is doing decorations!"</p>
<p>Mad Dummy continued to nod, eyes shut. "Yes, yes, yes, I have heard of this event through the fruit rope. Keep going—"</p>
<p>"Um, fruit rope, sir?"</p>
<p>"The gossip grinder, boy."</p>
<p>"Do you mean the grape vine and the rumor mill?"</p>
<p>"Whatever, whatever, WHATEVER! Continue the story!"</p>
<p>"Yes sir. Um, well, it turns out decorating is a lot more complicated than I thought. Everyone had different ideas, and then we had to pick what we liked best, and then we had to actually make all of it. The pieces are scattered between all of us, and we keep forgetting stuff or just think that someone else was doing what we were supposed to do! And that leads to constant arguing or just plain shutting down and refusing to talk. We've kind of silently agreed that we'll just do our own thing and then stick it together at the end. But then our <em>teacher</em> comes in…"</p>
<p>Neal paused to take a breath. Mad Dummy was watching carefully. "Apparently, we're not doing it the way he thinks it should be done. He keeps going on and on about how we should be breaking into smaller groups or gathering together for big meetings. So he decides to show us what he wants done. He makes all of the main committee members who are in charge of the different parts of the finale, like ticket sales, escorts, decorations, bring some desks to the front of the room for everyone else to watch and points out all of the issues that the leader doesn't have solved. I can see the tears she's holding back, and the class just <em>laughs</em> because they thinks it's funny to watch us all argue!"</p>
<p>Neal's hands balled into fists. "And even though I'm part of the decorating committee, he didn't think I needed to be up there because my position is 'debatable' because I'm not as prominent compared to everyone else! I ended up sitting on the floor near the circle to catch his attention, and he didn't even look at me! I wasn't even worth his time of day! And even if I did try to confront him, he'd just think I was being funny and get this stupid smile on his face. I hate that smile. And it's not like he's trying to make anyone feel bad. He actually thinks he's helping!"</p>
<p>Mad Dummy hopped once to catch Neal's attention. "Alright, alright, alright. I think I know what to do." Mad Dummy leaned over to his computer. "What's your teacher's name, boy?"</p>
<p>"Mr. Worchester… sir, <em>please</em> don't tell him what I said! I'll get in trouble!"</p>
<p>"No, no, no. Nothing in this room leaves this room unless I let it. I'm not telling your teacher anything. That is for you to decide." A whirring sound came from behind the door Neal had come in from. "Boy, go the printer behind the secretary's desk and bring me what I printed."</p>
<p>Neal hurriedly exited the room and found the paper sitting in the printer. He set it on Mad Dummy's desk before sitting back in his chair. On the dart board, the knives quivered and unstuck themselves from Linda's face and hovered around Mad Dummy. He stapled Mr. Worchester's face over Linda's and hovered behind Neal. One of the knives landed in Neal's hand.</p>
<p>"Is this real?" he asked.</p>
<p>"Yes. Now throw it at the picture."</p>
<p>Neal looked hesitant. "Are you sure this is okay?"</p>
<p>"Probably not by your DUMMY school rules, but it is in this room! Now, throw it, throw it, THROW IT!"</p>
<p>Neal held the knife like it was a dirty tissue and look at the dart board. Mr. Worchester had that smile on his face. He could practically hear his voice as he droned on for half hours at a time about how little time was left before the deadline. He threw the knife. It went way to the right and landed on the floor.</p>
<p>"You do not play sport, do you, boy?" Mad Dummy asked. "Come on! You can do better than that! Like I always say…" Another knife hovered near Mad Dummy. "Who needs friends…" The knife zoomed forward. "When you have KNIVES?" The knife stuck Mr. Worchester in the nose. Neal flinched.</p>
<p>"Um…" Neal looked down at his feet. "I don't know if I can do this, sir."</p>
<p>Mad Dummy sighed. "Very well, very well, very well." The picture lifted from the dart board, crumpled into a ball, and landed in a trash can. "It's just the board now. Now throw the knife!"</p>
<p>Neal took one of the knives from the air and threw it a little harder. It bounced off of the board and landed on the ground. Mad Dummy was in the air and kicking his base excitedly. "Better, better, BETTER! Do it again!"</p>
<p>Neal kept tossing knives as Mad Dummy flew around in the air and shouted encouragement. Finally, there was just one left. Neal took the knife and studied the board. He pulled his arm back and let the knife fly. It spun a bit in the air before hitting the bottom edge of the dart board and dangled down by its point, like a beard. "Eureka, eureka, EUREKA!" Mad Dummy exclaimed.</p>
<p>Neal jumped excitedly. "I did it! I really did it!" He then looked up at Mad Dummy. "Do any adults know about this?"</p>
<p>"No, no, no, and if you keep your mouth shut, it will stay that way." Mad Dummy settled onto the floor and sighed deeply. "That always calms me down. How do you feel, boy?"</p>
<p>Neal thought for a moment. "Better. I'm still a little stressed about the finale."</p>
<p>"Are you sure you don't want to throw knives at the picture?"</p>
<p>Neal shook his head quickly. "I don't want to <em>hurt</em> Mr. Worchester, I just want him to be less of a jerk."</p>
<p>Mad Dummy nodded thoughtfully. "You know, I haven't had a student yet who has thrown a knife at the picture. I guess that means something."</p>
<p>Neal looked at the clock. School was almost over. He turned to leave the room.</p>
<p>"Wait a moment, wait a moment, WAIT A MOMENT!" Mad Dummy shouted. Neal jumped and turned around. Mad Dummy was looking in a drawer in his desk. "This is for you!" A small, pale blue toy knife landed in Neal's hand.</p>
<p>Neal gripped the plastic handle and smiled at Mad Dummy. "Thank you, Mad Dummy! Good bye!" he said before he walked out of the office.</p>
<p>Mad Dummy settled into the sudden quiet of his office. "Good bye, Neal."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head canon I don't actually think #10: The other training dummy found in the Ruins is Mad Dummy's secretary. It handles things like scheduling and other minor paper work.<br/>-<br/>Did the training dummy get laid off? Probably. It's not like no one tried to plead in his defense, far from it in fact, it's just that the training dummy doesn't like to talk and couldn't defend itself. Mad Dummy, naturally, was mad, but the training dummy found a new line of work as a model at a shopping mall. Who became the new secretary? Probably someone like A Generic Male Guy. How did the finale go? After much stress, as well as it could have. Everyone who came said they liked it, while the fifth graders cried in a corner because of whatever went wrong. Such is life, it seems.<br/>-<br/>I like to think that Mad Dummy and Undyne could occasionally get along, since they're both very passionate. Maybe Mad Dummy could act as a substitute coach in case something happened to Undyne and Papyrus? It's not likely to happen, but I can always dream.<br/>-<br/>So, what did you think? It actually took me more than a day to write this all the way back then, and by the time I finished my anger had cooled a bit. I can't seem to stay angry for very long. I was disappointed in myself then, but now, I just like to forget about it. Our decorations were really cool, though. Anyway, I'll see you around. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Bonding Over Brother-Bones</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The one everyone's been waiting for: the one with Papyrus. It just occurred to me that there aren't a lot of these. I'll have to fix that in the future. Anyway, enjoy.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"The Great Papyrus has arrived! Nyeh heh heh!"</p>
<p>Everyone in the teacher lounge turned to the doorway and smiled politely at the tall drink of water that was Papyrus the skeleton. Behind him, Sans waved lazily at everyone and said, "Heya."</p>
<p>"Papyrus," Linda said, coming to shake his hand since she was closest to the door. "It's very nice to see you again." She looked down her nose at Sans. "Sans."</p>
<p>"Nice to see you all here," Sans said loud enough for everyone to hear. "Linda," Sans said to the mother.</p>
<p>Papyrus, meanwhile, was pumping Linda's outstretched hand excitedly. "Hello, Linda-human! Hello, other parents!" A small chorus of hellos came from the gathered adults.</p>
<p>"We were just about to start, so do have a seat." Linda led Papyrus to the circle of chairs that had been made.</p>
<p>"Hey, Papyrus, look at that," said Sans, "it's the circle of <em>strife</em>."</p>
<p>"SANS!" Papyrus yelled as everyone groaned. "Stop plaguing everyone's lives with your ridiculous puns!"</p>
<p>"Sorry, bro, I'll eventually <em>come around.</em>"</p>
<p>Papyrus smacked himself in the face and looked at the other parents apologetically. "Please, do excuse my brother and his bad jokes. Shall we start the meeting now?"</p>
<p>"Yes, we shall," Linda replied.</p>
<p>"Oh, goody!" Papyrus clapped his hands. "Sans always says that these meetings are frustrating but fun! Like puzzles!"</p>
<p>Linda glared at Sans, who shrugged and winked. "Anyway… our main topic for today is the issue of free lunches."</p>
<p>"Sounds good to me," said Sans. Papyrus nodded.</p>
<p>"There's more to these lunches than just the fact that they're free," Linda said and crossed her arms. "The school has to pay for the lunches, and that gets very expensive. I propose we cut the free lunch program and put that money to better use, like textbooks."</p>
<p>Sans let out a drawn out sigh. "Linda, do you even know who the free lunches are for?"</p>
<p>"The students, of course."</p>
<p>"Which students?"</p>
<p>"The…" Linda thought for a moment. "The students who don't have time to make their own lunch."</p>
<p>Sans put his skull in his hands while some of the parents looked at each other awkwardly.</p>
<p>"No, Linda. That's not it at all."</p>
<p>Linda frowned and opened her mouth, but then Papyrus spoke up, "so who are the free lunches for, Sans?"</p>
<p>"The students who can't afford to buy their own food. In some cases, free lunches are the only meals students get during the week."</p>
<p>"That's terrible!" Papyrus shouted.</p>
<p>"It is," Sans said, looking at Linda.</p>
<p>"W-well," Linda stuttered. "I suppose we could install a system to identify which students need free lunch so we can cut down how many lunches we need…"</p>
<p>"That's a good idea!" Papyrus said as he stood up. "But I think I have an idea to feed those students who can't buy lunch <em>and</em> not have to pay!"</p>
<p>"How?" Sans and Linda asked simultaneously, glaring at each other afterwards.</p>
<p>"SPAGHETTI!" Papyrus slammed a huge drainer full of pasta into the middle of the circle. Wait, where had that come from?</p>
<p>The parents look at each other nervously.</p>
<p>"Ah," Linda said warily. "That's a lovely idea, Papyrus, but I don't think many parents will have the time or money to always make food for students. Over time, the cost of making enough food for a school full of students will hurt the parents who help out."</p>
<p>"Oh," Papyrus look a bit disappointed. "I do see your point. However," Papyrus regained his composure. "As the Great Papyrus, I will not allow any child to go hungry! Therefore, <em>I</em> will be the one to cook for the students! I always have plenty of spaghetti to make, and it would be my pleasure to be of assistance! Speaking of spaghetti, that's my meal for the meeting! I hope you all like it! I've got a good feeling this time!"</p>
<p>Before anyone could say otherwise, everyone had a paper plate full of noodles.</p>
<p>Linda examined her plate. The noodles looked to be rather soggy, which was an improvement (sort of) from the usual burned meal she would be given. She swirled her plastic fork in the noodles and took a small bite, scrunching her face up in expectancy. Wherever Papyrus had been keeping the pasta, it wasn't in a warm place. The noodles were cold and wet, the noodles tasting more like water than pasta, and she shivered as she felt the slimy cold bite slide down her throat when she swallowed. The other parents seemed to have a similar experience.</p>
<p>"Well?" Papyrus bounced up and down. "What do you think? With such passionate expressions, it must be good!"</p>
<p>"Well, it's definitely edible," Sans said.</p>
<p>Papyrus put a hand on his chest modestly.</p>
<p>"The presentation isn't too bad," Linda said slowly, watching Papyrus's reaction. She had his full attention, and Sans' as well. "But it's also cold and flavorless."</p>
<p>Papyrus looked crestfallen. "But I didn't set the pot on fire this time! Where did I go wrong?"</p>
<p>Sans was watching Linda closely. Linda shivered again, but regained her posture. She was not about to be bullied by a tiny skeleton.</p>
<p>"The pasta is cold because you didn't store it in a place where it would stay warm, like a crock pot. The flavor is probably because you let the noodles soak in too much water on too low of a heat. Also, it's just noodles, which is the way it's usually served to small children who are picky." Linda felt the Sans crawling on her back. "Usually, the noodles are served with sauce and meatballs, which are cooked separately and carefully so as to make a complete dish." Linda looked behind herself at Sans. "Get off my back, you freak."</p>
<p>"Okay," said Sans, and he stopped crawling on her back.</p>
<p>Papyrus was resting his jaw in his hand and nodding thoughtfully. "I see… I think I understand now!" he struck a pose. "Next time, using this information I have learned, I shall definitely create the perfect spaghetti, a dish that will truly be worthy of the Great Papyrus! Nyeh heh heh!"</p>
<p>"Hey, it's seven o'clock; it's time to go home," Pete called suddenly. The parents began to grab their things and leave.</p>
<p>Papyrus shook Linda's hand. "Thank you for your advice, Linda-human! Perhaps I will see you at the next meeting! Goodbye!"</p>
<p>Linda waved as Papyrus ran out the door with the leftover spaghetti. "Heya," a voice said behind her.</p>
<p>"Sans." Linda turned and looked at the other skeleton. "What do you want?"</p>
<p>Sans held up his hands in surrender. "Easy, Linda, why so hostile?"</p>
<p>"You were crawling on my back… again. Why do you do that? It's so creepy, but I guess that's just the way it is with monsters."</p>
<p>"Don't make me regret saying what I have to say more than I already will," Sans said darkly, the lights going out of his sockets.</p>
<p>Linda shivered again. "Then what do you want?"</p>
<p>Sans sighed. "I just wanted to say thanks. For, you know, being nice to Papyrus. That's the only decent thing I've ever seen you do. And thanks for being nice about how to improve his spaghetti. He really tries, you know."</p>
<p>"Oh," Linda said, looking away. "Well… you're welcome, I guess."</p>
<p>Sans nodded. Being the last ones there, they put the chairs back in their proper places before walking out the door.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head canon I don't actually think #11: Papyrus call other humans "NAME-human", so as to not get mixed up by just calling them human. Frisk will always be either "human" or "Frisk", whichever comes out of Papyrus's mouth first.<br/>Head canon I don't actually think #12: Sometimes, usually if his brother is involved, Sans will crawl on peoples backs so he can hear everything they say and react accordingly. It is not appreciated by anyone.<br/>-<br/>Why wasn't Flowey at the meeting?<br/>...<br/>Ssssh...<br/>-<br/>Anyway, if you like this, you can check out some of the other things I have posted on here, or look me up on fanfiction.net to see even more stuff I've yet to post here. I'll see you around; until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Sugar? Y-yes, Please!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The first PTA chapter I wrote featuring the only pairing: Undyne and Alphys! See the bottom notes for more information about stuff. Also, slight warning for /very/ slight weight-shaming. It's confined to a single line, but I figure it's better to let people know.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Heeeeere's Alphys!"</p>
<p>The PTA sighed as they turned to the door of the gymnasium, also known as Undyne's home court. The sport coach was standing next to the wide open door and holding her arms in Alphys's direction while making jazz hands. Alphys was filled with discomfort.</p>
<p>"Undyne, p-please don't do that." Alphys rubbed her hands together as she shuffled into the gym.</p>
<p>"No way, nerd! Everyone's gotta know that we're here now! And speaking of being here, I brought tea cookies! NGAAAH!"</p>
<p>Undyne pulled a plastic dish full of cookies from behind her back and threw it overhand at the snack table on the other side of the gym. It landed on the table and slid, but managed to stop after knocking only a single other dish to the floor and taking its place.</p>
<p>"My lemon squares!" Helen wailed.</p>
<p>Undyne laughed as she threw herself onto a plastic chair in the circle, Alphys sitting next to her and sweating apologetically at everyone.</p>
<p>"So!" Undyne gripped her knees and leaned forward. "What's the situation?"</p>
<p>Flowey, who was sitting in his PTA pot in one of the chairs, sighed dramatically. "Well, if you had actually been here on time, you'd know that we're doing another fundraiser."</p>
<p>"Again?" Alphys said curiously.</p>
<p>"Sheesh, with all the fundraisers we do, I'm starting to think that this government funded school doesn't get funded at all," said Undyne, crossing her arms.</p>
<p>"Shh!" Flowey shushed. "Anyway, this time, we're going to do a cooperation with a local blood drive."</p>
<p>"Huh?" said Undyne. "Like… a car race? With bloodshed? That sounds awesome!"</p>
<p>"Ugh, how vulgar…" Linda muttered.</p>
<p>"What can you expect?" Helen replied. "They keep hating on my lemon squares."</p>
<p>"You punks got something to say to me?" Undyne growled. Helen and Linda shut their mouths.</p>
<p>"A-actually, Undyne," Alphys piped up, "a blood drive is an organization where humans donate blood to give to people who need it."</p>
<p>"I thought all humans had blood?"</p>
<p>"They do, but some humans have illnesses that make it hard for them to make healthy blood, so healthy humans donate a little bit of their blood to them. It's a controlled process so that the blood remains safe during the transfer. It's actually an interesting concept that could change some medical procedures for monsters!"</p>
<p>Undyne let out another bout of laughter and slapped Alphys on the back, which sent her into a coughing fit. "Fuhuhu! Look at you, getting all passionate about your nerd stuff, you nerd!"</p>
<p>Alphys's face turned red, though from coughing or blushing, no one knew.</p>
<p>"BEEP BEEP!" Flowey said, waving his leaves around randomly. Everyone looked at him. "Wait, dang it, I don't have my wagon horn, this looks stupid. Anyway, yeah, it's like Dr. Dumb-little said: Blood donations. For humans. Yeah."</p>
<p>"What did you call my girlfriend?" Undyne hissed.</p>
<p>"ANYWAY, I think the best location for the drive would be in the gym, since there'd be plenty of room for all of the equipment that they'd need. It'd be held over the weekend, so there wouldn't be any games or practices going on, Undyne."</p>
<p>"Hmmph," said Undyne, leaning back in her chair. "How do we get the money?"</p>
<p>"Honestly, she makes it sound like a robbery," Janice muttered.</p>
<p>"What did you say, punk?"</p>
<p>"Hey, I said 'BEEP BEEP'! 'BEEP BEEP' means 'QUIET'!" Everyone looked at Flowey again. His eyes went dark and he gave everyone a fanged grin. "The next person to speak out of turn gets burned out of here. Literally. Capisce?"</p>
<p>No one spoke.</p>
<p>"Excellent." Flowey laughed darkly. "Now, there's a fee that the humans have to pay to donate blood. Seems really backwards to me, but it's not my jurisdiction. We get to split the profits with the drive after we're done, as long as we fulfill some simple requirements. One, we provide a large, relatively clean space for them to operate in. That's the gym. Any objections?"</p>
<p>Some parents looked around, but no one objected.</p>
<p>"Alright, good. Two, we pay any advertising costs for things like posters. I figured we'd just print something off in the teacher's lounge and tack them up around the school. Any questions?"</p>
<p>Gloria raised her hand. "If we print at the school, the school would have to pay for it anyway, which is why we're raising money."</p>
<p>Flowey nodded seriously. "We can set up a group of parents here who have printers, set a certain amount of posters to be printed, and split that amount amongst the group. How's that?"</p>
<p>Gloria nodded in agreement.</p>
<p>"Alrighty then. Lastly, we have to pay for concessions. After the humans donate blood, we have to give them a place to rest for a bit and some snacks to eat to regain their energy. I think it would be best if we all brought in something easy that we'd buy at a store, like small bags of chips, little granola bars, water bottles, sodas, and other things like that. Are we in agreement?"</p>
<p>Linda raised her hand. "<em>I</em> actually think that we should bring in homemade goods, like we do for bake sales. And we should also only serve sugar free and gluten free food to promote health."</p>
<p>Before Flowey could respond, Alphys practically fell out of her chair as she tried to get up. "Y-you can't d-do that!" She stammered.</p>
<p>Linda glared at her. "And why is that?"</p>
<p>"B-because," Alphys adjusted her glasses hurriedly, "homemade food could contain allergens that could cause dangerous reactions while donors are still recovering! Store bought goods will contain the list of ingredients so that people can immediately know if it's safe to eat! Also, most store goods will definitely contain sugars!"</p>
<p>Linda crossed her arms and kept glaring. "Can't you see that that's what we want to avoid? Just because people are donating blood doesn't mean they don't care about their weight." She cocked her head slightly at Gloria, who flushed angrily.</p>
<p>"A-a-actually, the sugar in juices and small snacks is practically a <em>requirement</em>, because the sugar helps with making more glucose to deliver to the brain while the juice helps increase the volume of blood. And, er, you might have actually known that, if you had ever studied in school instead of l-looking in a mirror." Alphys grinned nervously. "So, Linda, in the words of a friend of mine, um, I-I think that you, uh, just got d-dunked on."</p>
<p>Linda let out an unidentifiable noise as Undyne and Gloria cheered. "That's my girlfriend!" Undyne shouted as she picked Alphys up and held her in front of Linda. "You see this nerd, you punk? <em>This</em> is what smart looks like!" She threw Alphys across the gym, who shrieked as she slipped through the oversized basketball hoop and onto the snack table.</p>
<p>"My brownies!" Linda screamed.</p>
<p>"Woo-hoo!" Alphys called dizzily.</p>
<p>"BEEP BEEP! Why do I keep saying that when I don't have my horn?" The murmuring parents in the rest of the group died down a bit, but still remained. Flowey fluffed his petals irritably. "Doctor Dumb-little is right. Snacks and juices with some sugar is part of the requirements for our co-op to be a success."</p>
<p>Linda crossed her arms tightly and jutted her chin out.</p>
<p>"<em>However,"</em> Flowey turned in Alphys' direction, "Alphys, you spoke out of turn, which I literally just said not to do. So, I'm going to have to burn you out of the meeting."</p>
<p>"WHAT?" Undyne shouted as Alphys made a little "eep" sound. Linda snickered.</p>
<p>"You too, Linda," Flowey said firmly.</p>
<p>"<em>WHAT</em>?!" Linda shouted even louder than Undyne.</p>
<p>"Yes, you, because you insulted one of the parents here today. Honestly, it's not the first time, but I've got a headache today. Flowers don't even get headaches. That's how bad you are." A vine sprouted from Flowey's pot with a metal hose shaped nozzle at the end. "Start running."</p>
<p>Linda screamed as Flowey shot little puffs of fire in her general direction. She ran out the door, quickly followed by Undyne and Alphys. Undyne laughed as they ran, "I should make the kids do this at practice!", followed by Alphys stammering, "That's not a good idea!"</p>
<p>Flowey put away his flamethrower. "Ah, that was fun." The parents looked at each other warily, but said nothing. "I mean, not that there was much point to that, since the meeting is practically over." Some parents began to reach for their bags. "But before you all leave, there's one last thing."</p>
<p>Flowey pointed with a leaf at the snack table, which had been knocked over and had snacks spilled all around it. A pale red-head was sweeping up the snacks with a broom, wearing a pale pinkish T-shirt that read, "#2 Sister". She looked up at the sudden quiet in the gym.</p>
<p>"Everyone say 'Happy Birthday' to The Author!" Flowey shouted, pulling out a noise maker and blowing into it. The Author shuffled sheepishly and hid behind the broom handle as the parents began singing an off-key happy birthday song.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head canon I don't actually think #13: Alphys is primarily an engineering scientist, but, being one of the only monster scientists around, studies as many forms of science as she can in case someone wants to become a professional scientist in a certain field. This includes human sciences, which is how she knew about human blood drives.<br/>Head canon I don't actually think #14: Undyne may not be the most fantastic cook (she's improved since the Underground, having not set her new house on fire yet), but she makes some pretty sweet tea cookies to go with her golden flower tea. Nearly everyone likes them, but since she tends to be late to PTA meetings, no one has time to eat them, which makes Undyne supplex the snack table.<br/>Head canon I don't actually think #15: The Author works part time as the school janitor. Because birthdays.<br/>-<br/>Technically, this kind of fundraiser wouldn't really be held at an elementary school, I don't think, but I suppose the kids could have helped by coloring pictures for the donators to help make them feel better. How sweet. It went off without a hitch, by the by.<br/>-<br/>Why does this special, everyone-in-the-nation-is-watching-them school have to keep doing fundraisers? Story wise, because they're the most common plot starter in the PTA AU. Literally, I think most of the funding is used for overcompensating for any "disablilities" the monsters have. Like, some of the government people (Otto) thought some of the less humanoid monsters would leave a residue around the school wherever they went, so they gave them a lot of towels to get the "goop" off, and the monsters are just like "um, what is this?" Technically, this would be kind of offensive, but hey, free towels.<br/>-<br/>This was written on my birthday years ago, and started a sort of tradition of writing a chapter for this story on my birthdays afterwards, featuring me to some extent. Shameless self-inserting, but the world I've created has gotten used to it. You might even see me when it isn't my birthday. <br/>-<br/>So, yeah, that's it. I'll see you all soon. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. So Sorry for Drawing on your Lemon Squares!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Back when I first wrote this chapter, I struggled a bit with the direction I wanted to go in. Considering the character that shows up, and the drama surrounding him at the time, I figured I'd have to play it as safe as possible. I don't know if the "drama" is as intense as it was back then, but this is a sort of relic of the time.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Helen stood near the snack table. She had a good feeling about today. As the other parents began to settle into their seats and quiet their chatter, Helen kept her eyes on her lemon squares, still in the pan she had baked them in. Today, she just knew it; <em>someone </em>would touch them, and not on accident like those other PTA meeting days, but on <em>purpose.</em></p>
<p>"Okay, everyone, it's time to start the meeting. Helen, sit down," Flowey called.</p>
<p>"Aw," Helen mumbled as she sat in her seat, glancing back at her lemon squares occasionally.</p>
<p>Flowey jostled his controller absently as he looked around at the parents. "Listen up, this is the schedule for the meeting today: the entire time will be spent to wrap up the discussion on extracurricular funding, namely for the arts verses the sports program."</p>
<p>Immediately, the parents began to talk quietly, looking left and right at each other, but mostly at Sans and Linda. Helen looked at her lemon squares.</p>
<p>Linda crossed her arms. "I still can't believe that we still have to discuss this. We should have decided on this a week ago."</p>
<p>"And yet, here we are," Sans replied stiffly.</p>
<p>"Look, everyone," Flowey interrupted, "we've been spending too much time arguing about this, and we're supposed to be sending in the funds report to the school board <em>this weekend.</em> We <em>will</em> reach a decision by the end of this meeting, or else I will eat all of you. I'm going to stick my face into my screaming pillow the whole time. Let the arguing begin." Flowey drove his toy wagon in front of a little pillow that had been left on the table, stuck his face in it, and let out a muffled scream.</p>
<p>Sans and Linda simultaneously set their forearms onto the table and looked across at each other. Everyone remained still.</p>
<p>"I'm just stating the facts here, Sans," Linda began. "The sports program provides the children with exercise and teamwork skills. All that the art program is good for is for people who are too lazy to get up and actually do something productive besides twirl around and make stick figures, like you."</p>
<p>"You've stated only one fact today, Linda, which is pretty impressive," Sans replied, the bone under his eye sockets crinkling even deeper than they did naturally. "While it's true that sports are excellent for teamwork, there are many types of art projects that require an equal amount of teamwork and exercise."</p>
<p>"Any art project that could even begin to match up to a sport in terms of those skills would be a community project, which would be far too expensive and time consuming for our students. Besides, what good are mental one's mental capabilities if one is a magic butterball shaped thing like <em>you?</em>" Linda crossed her arms and looked up and down at Sans' round shape.</p>
<p>"What good is being in shape if you have to use cheap tactics like jabbing at people's physical appearance in order to get your way, <em>Linda?</em>" Sans leaned back in his chair and bared his teeth.</p>
<p>Linda simply shrugged. "It doesn't really matter either way, since <em>I</em> have more support than you. Helen, you're with me, right?"</p>
<p>"Oh, yeah, of course," Helen said, blinking out of her lemon square dream sequence.</p>
<p>"Janice, Pete, same goes for you, right?"</p>
<p>"Mm-hmm," said Pete, who was checking his watch for the seventh time. Janice said nothing, but nodded.</p>
<p>"You see? And Gloria...?"</p>
<p>Gloria looked up from her dance magazine. "'Scuse you?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, actually, never mind. The point is, Sans, no matter how hard you try, you're going to be out voted at the end of this meeting, and nothing you do will change that."</p>
<p>"That's literally three people, which is hardly something to call a majority vote." Sounds like grinding teeth. "Besides, I have a few tricks up my sleeve, so don't act so sure of victory."</p>
<p>Linda raised an eyebrow. "Isn't your friend the sport coach? Wouldn't it be a shame if your friendship came to an end because you just couldn't let go of your silly art program?"</p>
<p>Sans rolled the lights around in his eye sockets. "Do you honestly think my relationship with Undyne is so shallow as to be destroyed by a small budget for the sports program? We're talking about <em>my</em> friends, not <em>yours.</em>"</p>
<p>"Whoop," Gloria whooped quietly. Linda glared at her.</p>
<p>"And you make it sound as if I want to completely cut the sports program; I don't. I'm saying that we should balance the budget between the two programs, and then use fundraiser money for any needed expenses instead of cutting the whole art program and using the fundraisers to buy equipment we won't ever <em>use</em>. Like that sweat band set you were talking about last time? Seriously, who even <em>needs</em> sweat bands? Don't answer that," Sans said when Linda opened her mouth. "And just in case you're wondering, yes, I did bring someone to help me win the argument for the arts program. Actually, he's been here for a few minutes now, by the snack table."</p>
<p>Everyone turned toward the snack table to see the long tail of a monster sweep from side to side. When the monster realized he had been spoken of, he turned timidly toward the meeting table. As soon as some of the parents recognized who it was, they began talking amongst each other, informing the other parents who didn't know who the street artist was.</p>
<p>"<em>This?!" </em>Linda said in bewilderment. <em>"This</em> is who you brought in for help? How desperate are you?"</p>
<p>Some of the parents, monster and human alike, were giving Sans some queer looks. Flowey looked up, saw who was there, flopped his face back into his screaming pillow and made some dying noises. The newcomer's fingers tapped together like jackhammers.</p>
<p>"I'm So Sorry!" He blurted awkwardly.</p>
<p>"Um, you don't have to apologize," Gloria said.</p>
<p>"No, that's my name. So Sorry."</p>
<p>"Oh."</p>
<p>Sans stood up and patted So Sorry on the back. "Ladies and gentlemen, if I have ever seen someone who has used exercise and art together in everyday life, it's this guy right here. Show them what you've got, buddy."</p>
<p>So Sorry straightened up and reached into his inner vest pocket. "Yes! Right! I can do this!" He retrieved several rolls of paper and set them in a pile on the meeting table. "Sans here asked me to show you some of my works of art today, and I'm happy to oblige. For my first example..." He unrolled one of the papers and held it up in the air for everyone to see.</p>
<p>It was a pencil on paper drawing of a little sail boat in a lake, surrounded by a cloudy sky and tall, thin trees on the banks. "Works such as this and this," he revealed a second scroll, which was an intricate portrait of a familiar child in a striped sweater, also done in pencil, "are usually done in my spare time. They may not be the best, but I make them with feeling!"</p>
<p>A few heads in the crowd nodded slowly.</p>
<p>So Sorry unrolled a third scroll and passed it around the table. It was a laminated photograph of So Sorry himself, standing in front of a table that was set on the edge of a sidewalk, with a sign reading 'Art of all Kinds! Pick a Price, get a Picture!'</p>
<p>"I make most of my money as a street artist, selling whatever people want me to draw for them in a few minutes. Obviously, I can't stay in the same place all the time or I'd get rained out! Ha-ha... (That wasn't funny...) I carry that table as well as my art supplies around the town to garner more customers—oh, yeah!—which requires, uh, balance, I guess, and arm strength, and leg... strength..." So Sorry tapped his fingers again. "(I'm doing a bad job...)"</p>
<p>Linda was not impressed. "I would hardly call any of that remotely sports-like."</p>
<p>"Hang on," Sans said. "He has one more thing to present. Show 'em, Double S."</p>
<p>"Right!" So Sorry got the third scroll back from the last parent and picked up the last scroll, which was taller and thicker than the others. "Will you help me, Sans?"</p>
<p>"Well, I suppose I could <em>roll</em> on over." Everyone groaned.</p>
<p>Sans held one edge of the scroll as So Sorry pulled the other end across the room until a photograph as long as he was tall was displayed. A series of different sports balls in varying degrees of damage were spread in a sort of mural in the shape of Ebott High School's symbol, a shield with the Delta Rune on it. Some of the parents applauded almost subconsciously.</p>
<p>"This is my concept design for a project contest at the monster high school nearby! It recycles old sports equipment in a creative way to show school spirit during big sport events! I sent the finished project in to the judges, mostly for the extra pocket money but also to add something special to my art portfolio! Do you... like it? (They think my art is terrible...)"</p>
<p>Sans grinned widely at Linda. "You see? Even if there's not always a lot of moving around, arts and sports <em>can </em>and <em>should</em> be preserved and combined to make both programs more incredible." Sans and So Sorry high-fived each other.</p>
<p>"GET DUNKED ON, LINDA!" Gloria blurted out.</p>
<p>"No, hold up, not yet," said Sans.</p>
<p>"Not yet?" Gloria asked.</p>
<p>"Nah, nah, give her a minute."</p>
<p>"Th-this changes nothing!" Linda spluttered.</p>
<p>"Actually, Linda, I think everyone here will agree with me when I say that your plans aren't..." Sans put on some sunglasses. "On the <em>ball.</em>"</p>
<p>Linda screamed.</p>
<p>"Now?" Gloria asked.</p>
<p>"Now," Sans nodded.</p>
<p>"GEEEEEET DUNKED ON, LINDA!" everyone shouted.</p>
<p>"Stop yelling!" Flowey whined hoarsely from his own yelling.</p>
<p>
  <strong>*After the Meeting...*</strong>
</p>
<p>Helen went to the snack table to pick up her leftover lemon squares. "Hey!" she shouted suddenly. Someone had taken a permanent marker and drawn a picture of a fish on her lemon squares. Under the pan, someone had written a note with the marker:</p>
<p><em>The surface of this chalkboard was so interesting; I just </em>had<em> to let out a jump of inspiration I had just now! I hope no one minds. Oh, I think they're talking about me... Time to introduce myself! I hope this goes well! –So Sorry</em></p>
<p>"Eh, I'll take it," Helen said, and took the pan back home with her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head canon I don't actually think #16: So Sorry, due to his unusual circumstance, is often regarded oddly, even by fellow monsters, but people eventually see that he's a generally good guy. He wants to go to a faraway art college to become a master of the arts, and works as a street artist to make enough for everyday life and tuition. (His magic pencil typically is left at home, due to the negative response towards living artwork by his customers.)<br/>-<br/>I figured that since So Sorry got a lot of bad reception in the fandom, people in this AU would actually act a little wary around him before they realize that there's more to the character than what he might have been made for. It's not my business; I just wanted to give him some positive attention.<br/>-<br/>Did the art and sport programs remain funded? Of course it did. Did Undyne and Sans' friendship shatter into fish boney pieces? Of course not. But I bet you knew that already.<br/>-<br/>This actually isn't the first story I ever wrote with So Sorry in it. There's one other that's basically a recreation of a Pacifist battle with him. That one was actually my first Undertale fanfiction, and it was pretty popular, at least, in comparison to my other fics.<br/>-<br/>Anyway, I'll see you all around. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. The No'lympic Nope'ening Ceremony</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was originally written to celebrate the Rio 2016 Olympics. Ah, how times have changed. Also featuring Mettaton EX and Napstablook! And a bonus at the end! Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I mean, I guess that does sound fun, but I thought the Olympics were for adults or something," Sans said.</p>
<p>Linda shook her head slightly. "Well, the <em>real</em> ones are, of course, but in the spirit of the season, inviting students from other elementary schools to our school for a week of sport games could be a great fundraiser and a brand new tradition for the county to enjoy! Credit going to me, of course."</p>
<p>Helen raised her hand. "Aren't some of the Olympians, like, twelve?"</p>
<p>"Keep reading your lemon square magazine, Helen."</p>
<p>"Okay."</p>
<p>It was nearing the end of the school year. Summer technically hadn't arrived yet, but the air was hot and dry in Ebott Town. The air conditioner hummed loudly against the wall of the fifth grade science room, where the tables had been pushed together for the meeting. Flowey had found this extremely inconvenient, as he couldn't get the wheels of his wagon over the edges of the tables without jostling erratically, so he had opted to staying in one spot while shouting at everyone, making sure to never have a meeting in that room again.</p>
<p>Linda sat opposite the air conditioner, near the head of the table, and smiled proudly as murmurs of agreement reached her ears.</p>
<p>Sans rested his chin in his bony hand and nodded slowly. "It does actually sound like a good plan. And since I don't know too much about the Aerobics, you'll have to take charge if no one else wants it. Look at that, Linda; you get to be in charge of something."</p>
<p>"I do," Linda said with a grin, not even bothered by Sans' mistake.</p>
<p>BEEP BEEP!</p>
<p>"Hold the phone, please!" Flowey called out. Gloria took the phone from him. "Thanks. Now listen up you two. We're going to have to vote on this..."</p>
<p>Everyone who was listening in nodded their heads and looked at each other happily.</p>
<p>"We seem to have a majority~," Linda sang-sung.</p>
<p>Flowey whined, "It's so much woooork," before he flopped his head on the table in defeat. "Fine, it's not like we had anything to do anyway, but you do it, because I don't wanna."</p>
<p>"Alright~!" Linda was practically bouncing with joy.</p>
<p>"Wow Linda, if you're this excited, then you should probably stop using sugar in your tea and try Sp<em>Linda </em>instead." (Note: I don't own Splenda or whatever it's called. I'm trying to make a joke here, just go with it.)</p>
<p>"Shut up, Sans, your dumb puns won't bring me down! I haven't been in charge in <em>forever</em>!"</p>
<p>"Three months is not forever, Linda."</p>
<p>"I told you to shut up! Now, I'll make a list of all the things we'll need to work on for the games! I'll handle talking to the county board with Flowey for approval once we're done, but let's toss out some things to work on."</p>
<p>"The actual games the kids have to play?" Sans suggested. Linda nodded and wrote it down.</p>
<p>"Making a game schedule," someone called.</p>
<p>"Uniforms!"</p>
<p>"Ticket prices?"</p>
<p>"The week and the times!"</p>
<p>"Making a flag!"</p>
<p>"Who to invite?"</p>
<p>"Should we offer snacks?"</p>
<p>"The opening ceremony..."</p>
<p>Linda stopped her pen and looked up. "Did someone say something?"</p>
<p>"Uh... I did..."</p>
<p>Everyone turned to the chair nearest the exit, where a single ghost with big watery eyes floated slowly like water currents.</p>
<p>"Who is that?" someone asked.</p>
<p>The ghost's drifting became a bit more erratic. "I'm Napstablook... I'm at every meeting. All the time..."</p>
<p>"...Oh," Linda said awkwardly.</p>
<p>"Even the one that got cancelled and I didn't know until I got there?" Helen asked.</p>
<p>"Yeah..." There was silence for a moment. "Oh... I'm sorry; I shouldn't have interrupted you all..."</p>
<p>"No, uh, it's fine," Linda said quickly, "could you just repeat what had suggested?"</p>
<p>"Oh, well... I thought there could maybe be an opening ceremony... like in the real Olympics..."</p>
<p>"There's a whole ceremony for this thing? It's a bigger deal than I thought," Sans mused.</p>
<p>Linda sniffed and tossed her hair. "How could you <em>not</em> know there's an opening ceremony?"</p>
<p>"I mean, Frisk stayed up to watch it, but it looked like a bunch of people talking to me, so I fell asleep."</p>
<p>"I guess it figures that a monster like you wouldn't understand how important these games are."</p>
<p>"Um... I'm a monster," Napstablook said quietly, "and I watch the Olympics... with my cousin..."</p>
<p>"...Oh," said Linda, ignoring the sign Gloria was holding that said 'Get dunked on'. "Well, anyway, an opening ceremony would be a great idea, Mr. Napstablook. Do you have any suggestions?"</p>
<p>"Wow... a genuine compliment," Napstablook breathed. "Um, okay, uh... I was thinking... we could ask Mettaton—"</p>
<p>"Let me stop you right there," Linda held up her hand. "Mettaton, popular as he is with certain... characters, wouldn't come to a children's game competition for an opening ceremony, and besides, what could he do that wouldn't be inappropriate or boring to the children?"</p>
<p>"He'd come if I asked him..." Napstablook said. "Because... he's my cousin..."</p>
<p>"Wait, what?" Linda said.</p>
<p>Suddenly, the floor shook and a circular platform spun slowly up from the floor, with Mettaton posing on top.</p>
<p>"This is highly illegal!" Linda shrieked. "I'll tell the school board you've been making platforms on school property without permission!"</p>
<p>"Aren't we on the second floor?" Helen wondered.</p>
<p>"Hello, everybody!" Mettaton trilled. "Sans just texted me about a <em>brilliant</em> idea that my dear, sweet cousin made just now!" He skipped off the platform and belly slid across the table in front of Napstablook. "I want to hear everything! Lay it on me!"</p>
<p>"Well... if you want me to... Linda wanted to make an Olympic games for the schools in the county, and I said maybe you could be part of the opening ceremony... if you wanted to, I mean..."</p>
<p>Mettaton rested his chin in his hands, kicking his boots absently.</p>
<p>"Well..." Napstablook said slowly. "Then Linda said that wouldn't be a good idea... because you'd be busy... oh..." his eyes became even waterier. "I shouldn't have bothered you with this... I'm sorry—"</p>
<p>"Fantastic!" Mettaton cheered suddenly. "You've spoken your mind, darling, and your mind is full of the most wonderful ideas!" He brushed some loose tears off of his cousin's face, fashioned them into a dapper hat, and set it on Napstablook's head. "Blooky, <em>Blooky,</em> never doubt for a second that I wouldn't drop everything to come to your aid! We'll be the best part of the opening ceremony, so good they'll have wished they had us for the real deal!"</p>
<p>"W-we? They?" Napstablook stuttered.</p>
<p>"You and me, of course!" Mettaton hugged his cousin to his chest and began rolling around on the table. "We'll be the grand finale! And by they, I mean them. You know, the they in the know."</p>
<p>"Hang on a second—" Linda began to stand up.</p>
<p>"Can it, Linda, they're bonding," Sans said. "Why don't you try to be a good <em>sport</em>?"</p>
<p>"SHUT UP, SANS!" Everyone yelled.</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>Bonus</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>Helen rushed into the teacher's lounge wearing a dripping rain coat and carrying a tray of lemon squares. "I'm sorry I'm late! There was traffic, and rain, and..." She stopped. The room was empty, save for a ghost in the back of the room. Helen looked in the mirror that was hanging on the wall because plot device. "Where is everyone?" she asked.</p>
<p>Suddenly, the reflection of a child in a striped sweater popped up beside her. "Oh, the meeting got canceled. Flowey sent out an email about it a bit ago."</p>
<p>Helen jumped and turned to the kid who looked an awful lot like Sans' kid, Fruits or whatever their name was. "Um, hello," she said awkwardly. "Where are your parents?"</p>
<p>"Elsewhere. I'm just wandering around. Doing my thing. What's that?" They pointed at Helen's tray.</p>
<p>"Oh, these?" Helen removed the tinfoil and proudly displayed her creation. "They're my lemon squares! Would you like one?"</p>
<p>The kid stared at the lemon squares for a few seconds. Then they looked up at Helen with solid black eyes. "<strong>No chocolate.</strong>" They said. Helen screamed and ran out of the school.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head canon I don't actually think #17: Mettaton, if he's unable to kick down the door (like if the classroom is too small for that), he can rise through the floor on a platform that's magic or something and not actually built as part of the school. Bonus points if you get the reference. Also, he and Napstablook are best cousins.<br/>Head canon I don't actually think #18: OCP- One Crossover Pairing- Napstablook diamonds Canada. Bonus points if you know /those/ references.<br/>-<br/>Frankly, I don't think monsters would get to be a part of the Olympics for a while. There'd be a lot of debate over, like their strengths in comparison to humans, if they'd be part of national teams or be in a separate team, etcetera. Someday, maybe, they'd get to make their own team for the Olympics or something.<br/>-<br/>What a fun blast from the past. Anyway, I'll see you later. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. First Year Anniversary</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was originally called "First Year Anniversary Take Two!", but for the life of me I can't remember why it was "take two". There weren't any first anniversaries before this, so it must not have been so important. Is the decision I'm making.<br/>Blast from the past! This was written all the way back during the first year anniversary of Undertale! What a time. And look how far we've come!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Frisk was usually a very stoic child. They could sit still for hours at a time without much fidgeting, no matter the circumstances. Today, however, was different.</p>
<p>"Frisk, sit still. Fidgeting is very unbecoming, especially for you." Linda snapped her fingers angrily in their direction. What that was to accomplish, Frisk didn't know.</p>
<p>"What do you mean, especially for Frisk?" Sans asked, raising his head from his crossed arms on the table.</p>
<p>"I mean what I said. Someone of their… nature is bound to be judged extra hard for what they do."</p>
<p>"You mean like by old bags like you?"</p>
<p>"Why, I never-!"</p>
<p>"'Sides, can you blame them? It's been a whole year since they freed monster kind from the barrier, and there's going to be a whole party for it. Even <em>I'm</em> practically…" Sans crumpled the paper in front of him into a ball. "… <em>bouncing</em> in my seat."</p>
<p>"That doesn't make any sense!" Linda yelled.</p>
<p>Sans flattened out the paper ball to reveal a flyer for the Ebott Elementary canned food drive. "How about you just <em>can</em> it, Linda?"</p>
<p>"You little—!"</p>
<p>BEEP BEEP BEEeeooop….</p>
<p>"Dang it!" Flowey shouted angrily. "My wagon horn died!"</p>
<p>"Maybe you'll get a new one for Christmas," Gloria said gently.</p>
<p>"In four months! Ah, whatever, listen up people!" Flowey drove around the table of the meeting room. "The food drive is as good as done, and we need to hurry up a pick the prize for the class with most cans."</p>
<p>"I wonder why we didn't do this sooner," Helen said aloud.</p>
<p>"Because this chapter needed a plot! And we're also holding the meeting in the middle of the school day because plot! And Frisk is here because reasons! Are we all caught up now?"</p>
<p>Several parents droned in agreement.</p>
<p>"Good. Now, who has an idea?"</p>
<p>Frisk waved their hand excitedly.</p>
<p>"You can't participate, Frisk, you're not a parent or a teacher," Linda scolded.</p>
<p>"Yes, Frisk, what is it?" Flowey asked. Linda glared at him.</p>
<p>"We could have Muffet come in and give out spider donuts and cider!" They signed. "She was going to give out refreshments at the party later, so she might have some extra!"</p>
<p>"That's a good idea Frisk, though I don't know if Muffet would be so willing to hand things out for free," Sans said. "Maybe we could ask her to cater a little party for the school later this week to celebrate the anniversary instead?"</p>
<p>"No, no, definetley not," Linda said, shaking her head.</p>
<p>"And why is that?" Sans asked through half lidded eye sockets.</p>
<p>"You said it yourself. Why should we pay for a reward that the kids won't even appreciate? We should get them something cheap, like some bouncy balls you'd get in the sale aisle."</p>
<p>"I could make them my lemon squares!" Helen offered.</p>
<p>"Besides," Linda nodded in Helen's direction, "the children won't care about some anniversary, so why should we make a big deal about it? It's not like anything good happened..."</p>
<p>Meanwhile, near the door, a pale red head with a pink "#2 Sister" shirt swept her broom aimlessly. "Oh, you'd be surprised," she said under her breath with something that could resemble a smile.</p>
<p>Sans stood up. "The Author is right!"</p>
<p>"Oh, snap, I've been caught!" The Author scurried into a corner.</p>
<p>"Don't start the whole 'monsters are evil' shtick <em>now</em> of all times, Linda." Sans unzipped his jacket and flapped the sides in a "come at me" way. "It's been a year, Linda, get over it: Monsters. Are. Staying. And there's nothing you can say or do that will change that."</p>
<p>Suddenly, Muffet and her spider friends tap danced into the room. "Did someone mention my name, dearies?" She giggled.</p>
<p>"Uh, I mean I guess. Like, a minute ago." Flowey brushed some spiders that had gotten too close to his wagon. Helen shrieked about her lemon squares.</p>
<p>Frisk bounded out of their seat and waved at Muffet. "We wanted to ask if you would give some of your pastries to the class that donated the most food for the food drive! And maybe you would cater a party for the school later this week! Please?"</p>
<p>"Ahuhuhu~" Muffet giggled again, "I'd be happy to, dearie~ for just an eensy, <em>weensy</em> fee..."</p>
<p>"Just put it on my tab," Sans called.</p>
<p>"You don't have a tab, Sans, get out of my bakery."</p>
<p>"But we're not in your bakery."</p>
<p>Linda shrieked as Muffet's pet came to inspect her curiously. The Author tried to gently goad it away with her broom.</p>
<p>"Well, I'm taking this as a unanimous decision," Flowey said, proceeding to bang his gavel against Helen's lemon squares. "We'll get the money from the treasurer."</p>
<p>"<em>I'm</em> the treasurer," said Muffet.</p>
<p>"Happy Anniversary, everyone!" The Author cheered.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head canon I don't actually think #19: The day Undertale came out equals the day Frisk saved the underground, alternate timelines notwithstanding.<br/>-<br/>This feels less concise than it did four years ago. Eh, whatever, maybe that's part of the charm?<br/>-<br/>Anyway, leave a comment (please) and tell me what you thought of this one (please). I'll see you around; until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Happy St. Valentine’s Massacre Day!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This one is short; like, /really/ short. I wrote this all the way back near Valentine's Day of 20...17, I think? Anyway, the title was just an inside joke because apparently St. Valentine was massacred or something, at least, according to this crime show that used to be on called Bones, which was an anthropology drama-crime show. That's about it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Why do we want to celebrate a day of massacre, again? Seriously, Linda, I thought you wanted to keep everything PG."</p>
<p>Linda crossed her arms. "Valentine's Day has nothing to do with death. It's about sharing love."</p>
<p>"Oh, you must hate it, then."</p>
<p>"Shut up, Sans! And what makes you think it has to do with death, anyway?"</p>
<p>Sans shrugged. "I dunno, I read it somewhere."</p>
<p>"You shouldn't believe <em>everything</em> you read."</p>
<p>"Like you?" Gloria asked.</p>
<p>Linda glared at her. "Keep reading your dance magazine, Gloria."</p>
<p>"With pleasure."</p>
<p>The New Year celebrations were old news now, and everyone was looking forward to the next celebration already. At least, that's what Sans figured.</p>
<p>
  <em>Bee-dede-DEE-DEE-bee-dede-DEE-DEE! BEE-be-bebebebe-DEE!</em>
</p>
<p><em>"</em>This is <em>NOT</em> what I wanted for Christmas!" Flowey whined.</p>
<p>"Santa must have thought it was funny," Frisk signed.</p>
<p>"Well, it's <em>not!</em> Okay, anyway, listen up people!"</p>
<p>Everyone in the cafeteria turned toward Flowey in his brand new Flowey Pot and wagon horn.</p>
<p>"I've been receiving concerns about rules for Valentine's day. I don't know why you think <em>I</em> care, but here's the basics: keep allergies in mind, and keep it PG! That is all."</p>
<p>"We're in an elementary school," Helen said.</p>
<p>"I know. That's what worries me."</p>
<p>Linda raised her hand. "I don't think those are the rules people were worried about," she said.</p>
<p>"Well, they <em>should</em> be!"</p>
<p>"I think they're talking about if our kids will have to get a Valentine for everyone in their class. I, personally, say no to that."</p>
<p>Sans huffed. "And why is <em>that</em>, Linda?"</p>
<p>"Because Valentines are supposed to be special! Our kids should only make Valentines for the people they like, not everyone else."</p>
<p>"What about the kids without friends?" Sans asked. "Do we just leave them out?"</p>
<p>Frisk raised their hand and signed, "I can vouch for the people who never got Valentines when I was younger."</p>
<p>"Aren't they ten or something?" Helen asked.</p>
<p>"Well, you should have socialized more, Frisk. Then maybe you would have gotten some real friends."</p>
<p>Sans set his hands on the table. "Okay, Linda, before you go and say anything else that you'll regret, let me just say that if Valentine's day is really a day of sharing love like you say it is, then that's exactly why we should have everyone give everyone a valentine. Otherwise, it's just a glorified popularity contest."</p>
<p>Gloria shouted, "GEEEEET DUNKED ON, LIN-!"</p>
<p>"IT'S TOO EARLY FOR THIS NOISE!" Flowey screamed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head canon I don't actually think #20: Sans likes white chocolate. Really shiny spheres of white chocolate. Also, I'm hungry.<br/>-<br/>And now I'm hungry /again/. And you are, too, if you think about it. I'm going to go try writing some poetry or something; get my brain fluids moving or something. See you around, until then.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Blue Ribbons</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This one is a more sober story. No one gets dunked on today. I'll tell you more at the bottom of the page, but the "Implied/referenced suicide" tag applies to this one.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lines of children wearing blue shirts walked into the school theater. Linda and Sans stood at the entrance, handing out small blue ribbons with pins.</p>
<p>"Don't say a word, Linda," Sans said quietly.</p>
<p>"What makes you think I'm going to say anything?" Linda snapped back.</p>
<p>"Because you always talk about things like this. You're just going to say something about how she's going to Hell, aren't you?"</p>
<p>"And you always say that I'm the judgmental one…"</p>
<p>"Because you are."</p>
<p>"Well today, I'm not." Linda handed out her last ribbon. "I need more."</p>
<p>Sans handed her a fistful of ribbons from a box at his side. They continued their work in silence for a few moments. Then:</p>
<p>"Did you know her? Audrey, I mean," Linda asked.</p>
<p>Sans shook his head. "She must have liked the color blue. Why else would they have us hand these out?"</p>
<p>"I suppose that's possible." Silence again.</p>
<p>"Does this happen often?" Sans asked suddenly.</p>
<p>"Not at this age, no. It must have been an accident." Linda closed her eyes and shivered a bit. "I can't imagine a child feeling that way."</p>
<p>"Really?" Sans asked. "The way you always talked about this kind of thing, I thought that… well… I don't know."</p>
<p>"That I'd ignore a child in need? My religion doesn't condone this sort of thing, but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't want to help."</p>
<p>"I guess not. I'm not an expert at dealing with this sort of thing."</p>
<p>"None of us are, Sans."</p>
<p>They handed out the last of their ribbons. All of the students were settling into their seats.</p>
<p>"It's time," Linda said, pinning a ribbon to her blue blouse. Sans pinned his ribbon to his blue jacket. They nodded solemnly at each other, then walked into the theater together.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head canon I don't actually think #21: Audrey liked the color blue. She would have really liked video games like Undertale. At least, I suppose she could have.<br/>-<br/>During orientation week of my first year at college, one of the students, a girl named Audrey, died. I still don't know the specifics, but my mom told me it was probably a suicide. The college honored her by having us wear blue shirts and handing out blue ribbons (like those cancer ribbons) for us to wear. I didn't know Audrey (still don't), but I figured that if nothing else, I could give the person I never knew some sort gift. I have no idea if she'd actually Undertale, but I like to think we could have gotten along. Hope she's doing okay.<br/>-<br/>Anyway, leave a comment and tell me what you thought. I'll see you all later. Until then</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Happy Poetry Month, Linda! Love, Mettaton</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was written during April one year (can't remember which year), but April is poetry month. The more you know.<br/>Several references in this chapter, and some nicknames by Flowey the Head of the PTA. See you at the bottom of the page.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The cafeteria doors burst open and Mettaton EX stepped into the room, arms and grin spread wide. “Hello, beauties and gentle-beauties! Linda,” he nodded curtly at the mother.</p>
<p>Linda put a hand over her eyes and looked the other way. Mettaton ignored this and strode up to the snack table, where Flowey was munching on a sugar cookie. He examined the array of treats, then reached for a brownie. Taking a bite, his eyes widened and he choked it down. He glared at Linda.</p>
<p>“What?!” Linda snapped, “you don’t even have taste buds, so don’t tell me my brownies taste bad!”</p>
<p>“I’m a ghost in a robot, darling. My magic tastes the incredibly strong and utterly unnecessary flavor of broccoli. If you could actually cook, you wouldn’t have to trick your child into eating healthy.”</p>
<p>Linda scoffed and put a hand to her chest, but before she could say anything more, Flowey finished his sugar cookie. “Okay, everyone!” he called, opting not to use his Christmas horn. “The meeting can start now! Robobo*, pick me up,” he held up his leaves in Mettaton’s direction, and Mettaton did as he was told. Once placed at the head of the cafeteria table, Flowey flipped open a folder that had been placed there earlier. “Okay, first order of business,” he began, “it’s April, and apparently, it’s also national Poetry Month.” Linda groaned and put a hand to her forehead. “Oh, <em>now</em> what, Linda?”</p>
<p>“Why would we care if it’s poetry month? It’s just poetry. Besides, it’s a useless thing to teach our students, especially nowadays. Haven’t you monsters heard of STEM?”</p>
<p>“Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math? Yes, we’ve heard of it. Ebott Middle School is a STEM magnet school, right?” Flowey folded his leaves. “Just because we’re monsters doesn’t mean we don’t know how schools work. My Mom’s friend Dr. Do-nothing* is considering teaching part time in those fields at Ebott College.”</p>
<p>“Does he mean Sans’ Dad?” Pete asked.</p>
<p>“How does a goat give birth to a flower?” Helen asked.</p>
<p>
  <em>Bee-be-be-DEE-DEE-bee-be-be-DEE-DEE! Bee-be-bebebebe-dee!</em>
</p>
<p>“Order in the cafeteria!” Flowey shouted.</p>
<p>“The point I’m trying to make,” Linda continued, “is that the STEM subjects are what our students should be learning for the real world. Poetry is not one of those subjects!”</p>
<p>Mettaton was examining his nails through his gloves. “Nice as that is, Linda, I’m a fan of STEAM myself.”</p>
<p>“STEAM?” Linda repeated.</p>
<p>“Science, Technology, Engineering, Art, and Mathematics.”</p>
<p>Linda rolled her eyes. “Oh, like art is <em>so</em> important.”</p>
<p>“Didn’t we discuss this several chapters ago?” Helen asked.</p>
<p>“Sh!” The Author shushed from the corner of the cafeteria, where she was sweeping a square room in a circle.*</p>
<p>“As an idol, Linda, I believe that art is just as important as the other STEAM subjects. Some students are more adept at creative arts, and if we nurture that ability and passion…” Mettaton gazed at the corner of the room with a smile on his face. “We could have some really talented people in this world.”</p>
<p>“I don’t see it that way,” Linda replied.</p>
<p>“I know, dear, and I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“Don’t pity me!” Linda snapped. “I don’t need pity! I’m just thinking about the jobs that will really be important in the world.”</p>
<p>“Idols <em>are</em> important, Linda. Back in the Underground, I was the only star of the stage for monsters. I gave everyone hope on their darkest days, and—”</p>
<p>“Don’t make me beep my horn again!” Flowey interrupted angrily. “We’re getting way off topic; we’re trying to discuss if we should do something for Poetry Month! These are <em>kids</em>, people, literal elementary school children.” Mettaton raised his hand. “Yes, Robobo?”</p>
<p>“I think a poetry contest could be a great way for students to get involved for this month. Not required, of course, for those who don’t want to write,” he looked at Linda knowingly.</p>
<p>“I’m still not sure if we should do this,” Linda said slowly, though it was clear she knew it was a fight she wouldn’t win.</p>
<p>“If you don’t want to do something for Poetry Month, fine,” Flowey said. “We can just do something for National Sexual Assault Awareness Month instead.”</p>
<p>Linda blanched and made a choking noise.</p>
<p>“That’s what I thought,” Flowey said. “Alright, all those in favor of a poetry contest for Poetry Month, say ‘Aye’.”</p>
<p>“Aye!” Several parents said, including Mettaton.</p>
<p>“All those opposed?”</p>
<p>“Nay,” Fewer parents said. Linda said nothing.</p>
<p>“The ayes have it. Now, on to our next topic of the meeting…”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head canon I don’t actually think #22: Mettaton is a strong advocate of STEAM. He thinks the arts are just as important as science and math to the world and to culture.<br/>1*: Robobo is the name of a character from Sgt. Frog, or Keroro Gunsou<br/>2*: Dr. Do-nothing is a play on the name Doolittle, the doctor who could talk to animals. Dr. Do-nothing is Dr. Gaster, and Dr. Dumb-little is Dr. Alphys<br/>3*: This a reference to the lyrics of the Sgt. Frog/ Keroro Gunsou opening song, which involves strawberry flavored toothpaste and how long it takes to get to the store. I’m a huge fan of Sgt. Frog, in case you couldn’t tell. <br/>-<br/>One of the good things to come out of the year 2020? The Sgt. Frog Abridged Movie came out back in February. 45 minutes more than well spent. Be sure to watch the first three seasons before you watch it if you're interested, though. Anyway, I digress.<br/>-<br/>STEAM is just STEM with art attached. I'm pretty bad at science and math (one of my worst overall grades was honors chemistry; I made a D on the final and barely got out of that class with a C), and I know I'm not alone, so I think having a balance of the sciences and arts as a focus for students would help them be well rounded and more likely to find their strengths.<br/>-<br/>But never mind my problems; how about your problems? Leave a comment and tell me what you thought. I'll see you around. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Brownies without Chocolate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The extent of Chara's presence at the monster x human school is given more light, to the dismay of Linda. Not much to say about this one; I just wrote it way back when when I didn't have a lot of ideas. Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Linda blinked. In the second she blinked, all of the other parents and teachers had disappeared, and now she was all alone. She looked around wildly. There was no way everyone could be playing a prank on her so suddenly. Though with Sans at the lead, anything could be possible. What <em>was </em>this?</p>
<p>“What <em>is</em> this?” She asked aloud.</p>
<p>“Not much. Just wanted to chat with you a bit.” Linda jumped and nearly fell out of her chair. She whipped around and came face to face with a child in a green and yellow striped sweater. They looked familiar…</p>
<p>“Frisk? You <em>can</em> talk! I <em>knew</em> the mute thing was just an act, I—”</p>
<p>“Finish that sentence and I’ll cut you, Linda. I’m not Frisk, though I have been told we look alike.”</p>
<p>“Then who <em>are</em> you? And how did you know my name?”</p>
<p>“Chara’s the name, haunting’s my game. I know a lot of things. I get around a lot, and I’ve heard some very interesting things today. Namely, from your own mouth.”</p>
<p>Linda straightened up in her seat at the science class table and glared down at Chara. Chara didn’t flinch. “Don’t you know it’s rude to spy on people? Didn’t your parents teach you anything?” Linda snapped.</p>
<p>“Yeah, but they don’t have to know. And as long as I don’t tell you who they are, you can’t tell on me. Anyway, as I was saying, before I was so <em>rudely</em> interrupted…”</p>
<p>Linda sniffed and turned up her nose. This did not deter Chara.</p>
<p>“I heard you talking smack about Frisk to Helen and Janice. I heard you say that they’ve been brainwashed by monsters and ‘have a few screws loose’, as you put it. Of course, I can’t forgive you for that; monsters are so much better than humans. We don’t deserve them. And I know,” Chara lifted a hand to silence Linda’s opening mouth, “I know that you’ll just think I’m another stupid kid who only likes monsters because they came out of story books. I can take the heat from you. But one thing I absolutely can <em>not</em> forgive you for, is…” Chara brought a tray out from behind their back and lifted the plastic wrap. “Your brownies don’t have real chocolate in them!”</p>
<p>Linda rolled her eyes. “Please, like that’s <em>so</em> bad.” Chara’s eye twitched. “Besides, do I <em>look</em> like I need the extra poundage? It’s better to make brownies with substitutes so that me and my child can be healthy, and—”</p>
<p><strong><em><span class="u">“NO CHOCOLATE!”</span></em></strong> Chara’s eyes exploded with black blood as they threw the tray at Linda’s face.</p>
<p>Linda screamed and jumped up from where she had been resting her head on the table. Toriel, who was sitting next to her, looked at her with concern. “Are you alright, Linda?”</p>
<p>“No! I mean—I don’t know!” Linda smacked herself in the head. “I had a dream, but I can’t remember what it was.”</p>
<p>“Well, that’s what you get for sleeping at the meeting,” Flowey said from the head of the science classroom. Linda glared at him.</p>
<p><em>Was it really a dream?</em> Linda wondered as Flowey droned on about the success of the poetry contest from last month. She absently glanced at the hand she had been resting her chin on and did a double take. Written in pen on her palm was “It wasn’t a dream.” On her wrist were the words: “Look at your other hand.” Linda looked at her right hand and saw a chocolate bar taped to her palm. Linda shrieked again.</p>
<p>“SHUT UP WHEN I’M TALKING, LINDA!” Flowey shouted. “Now, where was I? Oh yeah, the poetry winner…”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #23: Linda uses chocolate substitutes in her brownies. This, combined with the broccoli technique mentioned last chapter, makes the brownies taste… indescribable.<br/>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #24: Chara can make chocolate appear out of thin air, but only for other people. This irritates them to no end.<br/>-<br/>The messages on Linda's hands were a reference to a cut scene from Gravity Falls, where Bill pulls something similar when meeting Dipper properly. It's not really a spoiler, since it was cut, but whatever.<br/>-<br/>The "vegetables in brownies" technique is something I learned from TheOdd1sOut; one of his videos talked about it. What's fake chocolate? I don't know; maybe Linda picks the little chocolate rectangles out of Special K cereal (which I don't own) and uses it. It'll do in a pinch, but that's about it.<br/>-<br/>Anyway, what did you think? I'll see you around. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Gluten and Head-Stands</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>AKA: it was another birthday chapter and I had no ideas for a plot, so I improvised.<br/>I don't really like this one; it's clearly rushed and the interactions all feel so stilted and awkward. Bleh. Eh, the next one should be a little better. Just a little. Anyway, see you at the bottom of the page.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first thing Sans noticed when he walked into the cafeteria was that The Author had some gift bows and ribbons in her hair and hanging off her glasses, which bounced whenever she turned her head. Truly, the most festive of looks. He knew what day it was.</p>
<p>“Happy birthday, Author,” Sans said, nodding at The Author as she mopped the same spot on the cafeteria floor she’d been mopping for the past ten minutes.</p>
<p>“Thanks, Sans. I really appreciate it,” she replied.</p>
<p>“Oh, Author, my daughter Mary made you something. Happy birthday,” Gloria said as she handed The Author a tiny wrapped box. Mary stayed close to her mother’s side and looked at the ground shyly. The Author opened it, revealing a handmade button with a pen crossed over a sword on it.*</p>
<p>“Oh, Mary, you didn’t have to do this. Thank you!” The Author pinned the button to her pale pink #2 Sister shirt and patted Mary on the head.</p>
<p>“Ah, Author. Happy birthday. You’ve been with us for roughly two years now?” Linda said as she ate one of her own brownies.</p>
<p>“Two or three, I can’t quite remember. They say time flies,” The Author said, dipping the mop in a bucket of soapy water.</p>
<p>“It certainly does. Just a few years ago, my little Sam started kindergarten, and now look at him!” Sam was busy dutifully eating his mother’s brownies.</p>
<p>The Author smiled, but said nothing about this.* “Oh, I should mention to everyone: my Mom made cookies for my birthday, so feel free to take some. Hi Mom,” The Author waved at The Mom, who was handing out cookies to the parents and teachers.</p>
<p>Linda eyed the cookies warily. “Are they gluten free?” she asked.</p>
<p>The Author looked sheepishly down at the spot she’d been mopping. “Sorry, Linda, we didn’t have any gluten free flour at home. But I do have some bags of chips that might be gluten free if you’re interested.”</p>
<p>Linda shook her head. “Thanks, but no thanks. Chips are too fattening.” Sam looked down at his brownie, frowning. The Author paused mopping to pap him on the shoulder.</p>
<p>“Sorry, Sam. I’ll bring some gluten free cookies from the store next time, okay?” Sam brightened a bit. “It’s part of your diet, right? You can’t have gluten?”</p>
<p>Sam nodded. “I wish I <em>could</em> eat gluten. Everyone always makes it seem like such a bad thing to make gluten free food.”</p>
<p>“I hear you, Sam. I have some church friends who can’t eat gluten. Think of it this way; you may not be able to eat gluten, but you can stand on your head. Not everyone can do that. <em>I</em> certainly can’t.”</p>
<p>Sam smiled. “Hey, wanna see me do it?”</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>Sam stood from the cafeteria table and bent over. “Be careful, Sam,” Linda called. Sam positioned his hands on the floor, paused to get ready, and pushed himself up. After swaying a bit, he stood on his head just fine.</p>
<p>“Look at that, Sam. That takes some real upper body strength. I think. I don’t know the particulars of head-standing muscles.” The Author put her mop in the bucket again.</p>
<p>“Okay, everyone, time for the meeting to start,” Flowey said. “But, before we begin, we must sing the ancient ritual melody of birth for The Author.”</p>
<p>“Can’t you just call it the happy birthday song?” Linda asked sharply.</p>
<p>“Nah, my way is more fun. All together now…”</p>
<p>Everyone joined in to sing a slightly out of tune happy birthday chant, to which The Author smiled and hid behind the handle of her mop.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #25: Sam, the child of Linda, can’t eat gluten, which is why his mother is such an advocate for gluten free meals. The PTA has been attempting to include healthier, more dietarily friendly food for kids to buy in the cafeteria, with decent success.<br/>*1: This image is a play on the saying: the pen is mightier than the sword.<br/>*2: I’m writing an original story (I won’t tell you what it’s about, in case you try to steal my idea), but there are mentions of a Linda and her child Sam (emphasis on child).<br/>-<br/>I haven't actually touched that story I mention here in a good while. I just haven't been in the mood for it, I guess.<br/>Anyway, tell me what you thought with a comment, kudos, or a bookmark; and I'll see you all later. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. No-kemon and Other Anime</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>AKA: I was going to an anime convention and wanted to spread the wealth. You'll notice that a lot of these chapters are circumstantial; they were written as relatively interesting things were happening. Anyway, see you at the bottom of the page.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Frisk, <em>what</em> did you do to your <em>hair?</em> It looks <em>ridiculous,”</em> Linda said, turning her nose up at the child.</p>
<p>Frisk’s hair was gelled into spikes, which were sticking up at different angles. In place of their usual striped sweater, they were wearing an orange short sleeve shirt with a green vest and cargo pants. They were fiddling with a red and white ball in one hand.</p>
<p>“F-frisk is dressed as Brock from Pokémon. You know, the anime and g-game?” Alphys stuttered. She was wearing a pale blue mini dress and a flower crown.</p>
<p>“I’ve heard of it… I think,” Linda replied.</p>
<p>“I should hope so, punk! Your kid wears a Pokémon shirt almost every day!” Undyne was wearing a yellow suit with red gloves and a white cape.</p>
<p>“Well, it—it doesn’t matter if I know what they’re dressed as or not! Why are you all dressed like it’s Halloween?”</p>
<p>“It’s anime convention season, Linda! Which reminds me, I brought Pokémon themed tea cookies for the snack table! NGAAH!” Undyne chucked a paper plate of poke-ball shaped tea cookies into the air and onto the snack table, knocking a tray of lemon bars off.</p>
<p>“It keeps happening!” Helen wailed.</p>
<p>“I-I warned you about lemon squares, bro! I-I told you, dog!” Alphys shot back.</p>
<p>“My point still stands, Undyne. You all look ridiculous. Your attire is hardly an appropriate example for the children.”</p>
<p>“What, you mean looking awesome? Honoring a favorite character? Yeah, right—how could that <em>possibly</em> be a good example for the kids?” Undyne smiled sarcastically, revealing her perfect fangs. Linda flinched.</p>
<p>“Hold your horses, people!” Flowey yelled. Gloria passed around a box of tiny ceramic horses and everyone held one in each hand. “Thank you. Now, listen up, everyone: the only rule I’m instating for cosplay is this: keep it PG. Wear only what you would wear in front of your grandparents, as the saying goes.”</p>
<p>“No one says that,” said Linda.</p>
<p>“Hush! Also, we need to discuss the missing umbrella problem at the monster x human school. Any ideas?”</p>
<p>Frisk raised their hand. “Frisk, you can’t say—oh, who am I kidding; no one cares,” Linda grumbled.</p>
<p>“Yes, Frisk?” Flowey asked.</p>
<p><em>How about we use frying pans instead? </em>Frisk signed.</p>
<p>“What?” Everyone said.</p>
<p>Frisk grinned and equipped a frying pan. <em>Because a frying pan can be used…</em> they held the pan over their head, <em>…as a </em>drying<em> pan!</em></p>
<p>Linda made a dying noise.</p>
<p>“Ha ha, Frisk. <em>Very </em>funny,” Flowey said monotonously. “I was hoping for a <em>real</em> suggestion?” Gloria raised her hand. “Yes, Gloria?”</p>
<p>“How about we do another fundraiser to buy umbrellas for everyone in the school? You know, instead of wasting the money on towels or whatever people like The Official PTA Person Whose Only Purpose is to Progress the Plot think we need fundraiser money for.”</p>
<p>“Isn’t his nickname Otto? Why not just call him that?” Helen asked.</p>
<p>“Good point, Helen. Why don’t we get fundraiser money for something useful instead of what people like Otto think we need it for?”</p>
<p>“<em>Thank you</em>, Gloria. All in favor of such an idea, say ‘aye’.”</p>
<p>“Aye,” several parents and teachers said.</p>
<p>“All those opposed?”</p>
<p>“Nay,” a few people said.</p>
<p>“The ayes have it. Now, onto our next topic…”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #26: Alphys and Undyne, while huge fans of things like Mew Mew Kissy Cutie, have a soft spot in their hearts for the original manga writer, Osamu Tezuka and his famous work “Astro Boy”.<br/>-<br/>Some notes from my original posting on fanfiction.net:<br/>I feel like the anime club at the monster x human school would probably go on field trips to nearby conventions (with parental permission, of course) and with Alphys and Undyne at the lead. Bonus points if you can figure out either Undyne's or Alphys' costumes. (I'll give you a hint: Alphys is wearing an outfit she wore in an animated music video by GaelRice on YouTube, who I have no connection to; I just think she's really good at animating.<br/>-<br/>Anyway, what did you think? Please (please) leave a comment and tell me! I'll see you around. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. You Are Here</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>AKA There was a thing I was going to a few summers ago and decided to share it. Again, pretty much all of the chapters are circumstantial to what I was doing at the time. Next chapter will be something similar, but the chapter after that will have a slightly more original plotline, so look forward to that.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“… And then he says: Alexander Has-No-Skin!” Gloria snickered, which made Sans smile even more. Linda put her hand over her eyes and groaned. Helen flipped to the next page of her lemon square magazine.</p>
<p>“For Pete’s sake, Smiley One; SHUT UP!” Flowey yelled.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” said Pete, who was allergic to puns.</p>
<p>“Any time, Pete. Now, if we could get back to the topic of the fifth graders field trip? The classes have voted for a trip to the Nearby Art Museum, specifically the You Are Here exhibit.”</p>
<p>“What’s that exhibit about?” Helen asked.</p>
<p>“It’s like a normal art exhibit, but more interactive.”</p>
<p>Linda rolled her eyes. “What is it with everyone and art these days?”</p>
<p>“You’re the one who keeps pointing it out, Linda,” Sans said, no longer smiling as much.</p>
<p>“I just think that a trip to the Nearby Science and History Museum would be more beneficial to the students. What good is looking at pictures going to do for the children? I vote we overrule the student’s decision and set up a field trip to the Nearby Science and History Museum.”</p>
<p>“Oh, and <em>that’s</em> supposed to make the kids happy?” Sans asked. “Linda, if we do that, we’re teaching the kids that there’s no point in voting or making decisions for themselves. Besides, this art exhibit isn’t about looking at pictures. It’s more like… well, I think Flowey has the brochure.”</p>
<p>“I do indeed,” Flowey said, flipping open the brochure in front of him. “The You Are Here exhibit at the Nearby Art Museum mixes light, sound, and history to create several different exhibits. It’s real popular with college students, but younger audiences can have fun with it, too. And the Smiley One is right, Linda. Overturning the student’s vote would just teach them to never try to change or vote for anything, since it won’t matter to the people in charge. Is that <em>really</em> a lesson you want to teach your kid?”</p>
<p>Linda was quiet for a moment. “I… suppose you have a point. You mentioned this art exhibit has history elements to it?”</p>
<p>“Among other things, yeah,” Flowey replied.</p>
<p>“Then I guess it’s okay… I’d like to volunteer as a field trip chaperone, if that’s alright.”</p>
<p>“Sure, Linda. Welcome aboard.” Sans smiled more genuinely.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #27: Linda got a college degree in the arts, but never ended up using it for anything. That’s why she’s so insistent on science and mathematics.<br/>-<br/>Two or so years ago, during summer break, my neighbor invited me to go with her to an art museum exhibit that was called You Are Here, and it was a lot of fun. Another little thing I wanted to share the experience of, in my own little way. But yeah, that's basically the only reason for this chapter.<br/>Next time: A single line of Katy Perry lyrics (who I don't own). I'll see you all later. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Happy Independence Days!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>AKA: It was the fourth of July a few years ago when I wrote this and I decided it should probably be addressed. Warning for lyrics from Katy Perry's "Fireworks".</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>‘Cause baby you’re a fiiiiiiiiiiiirework! Come on, let your cooooooolors burst!</em>
</p>
<p>“What even <em>is</em> that song?” Sans said, switching the radio in the announcement room off.</p>
<p>“It’s a song about being yourself, and not letting anyone make you feel like less than you are,” Helen said. Everyone looked at her. “What? I have other interests besides lemon squares. Not many, but I have them.”</p>
<p>“Actually, that song conveniently relates to the main topic of today’s meeting,” said Flowey. “The first and fourth of July are almost here. Not that I know what those are, anyway. I mean, May the fourth, I get, since it’s some nerd holiday. But what’s so special about the first and fourth, aside from the sudden availability of fireworks?”</p>
<p>Linda rolled her eyes. “Didn’t your oh-so-special-ambassador tell you monsters anything about the countries you’re living in?” Frisk stuck out their tongue at her. “Control your child, Sans!”</p>
<p>“Control your mother, Sam,” Sans told her son. Linda ground her teeth and glared at the skeleton.</p>
<p>“Haven’t the monsters been here for over three years? How are they just now finding out about the fourth of July?” Helen asked aloud.</p>
<p>“Sh!” The Author shushed her from across the announcement room where she was wiping a desk with a wet wipe.</p>
<p>“Well, I guess I’ll tell them. The fourth of July is the day the United States celebrate their independence from British rule,” Linda said.</p>
<p>“That’s probably the most professional thing I’ve ever heard you say, Linda,” Sans replied.</p>
<p>“Don’t test me, Sans!”</p>
<p>“Why, because you would fail?”</p>
<p>Linda screamed without opening her mouth.</p>
<p>Flowey smacked his tiny hammer against the table. “Back to the subject at hand, please? If the fourth of July is for the US, what’s the first?”</p>
<p>“Hang on, I’ll look it up,” Sans said, pulling out his cell phone. Probably a magical cell phone, I don’t know. Don’t ask. “Okay, apparently the first is basically the same as the fourth, but for Canada.”</p>
<p>“No one cares about Canada,” Linda muttered.</p>
<p>“Oh, you’d be surprised,” The Author replied. Some Canada fans were standing next to her, cracking their knuckles and glaring at Linda.</p>
<p>“How’d she even hear me?” Linda flinched, looking away from the fans.</p>
<p>Frisk’s hand shot up suddenly, because the plot needed to hurry along. “Yes, Frisk?” Flowey asked.</p>
<p>
  <em>Why don’t we hold an event where the monsters can learn about the history of the US and Canada, since that’s where most of the monsters live? Since we’re in the US, we could make Americana decorations and deserts and give out sparklers for everyone to play with!</em>
</p>
<p>“That… actually sounds like a good idea, Frisk,” Linda said slowly.</p>
<p>“I second that,” Flowey said, “mostly because I want to play with sparklers. We’d have to get permission from the school board, but it could be something really cool. I’ll need some volunteers to come with me and convince the higher ups. Oh, and we’d need the PTA president to help out, too.”</p>
<p>“HOI! It’s Temmie!” A Temmie shouted from the back of the announcement room.</p>
<p>“Yes, we know who the president is,” Flowey snapped. “Alright, we’ll probably need Frisk for this since they’re the monster ambassador. Are there any human parents who want to volunteer as guides for the monsters?”</p>
<p>A few parents raised their hands, Linda included. Sans raised a bone brow at her.</p>
<p>“What? Just because I’m not a big fan of monsters doesn’t mean I don’t want people to learn about things.”</p>
<p>“Alright, that should be enough people,” Flowey said. “I’ll schedule a meeting with the school board, hopefully before the first and fourth. It’d be nice to hold this event on the fourth, wouldn’t it?” Everyone nodded. “Cool. I guess the meeting’s over, then. Everyone go home.” Everyone picked up their things and got up to leave.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #28: The monsters were banished underground long before the independence days of Canada and the US. Otherwise, there’d probably be more recent stories about monsters in history books.<br/>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #29: The monsters live mostly in Canada and the US. Mt. Ebott and Ebott Town are fairly close to the America-Canadian border. There are some monsters that moved to other parts of the world (Mettaton travels quite frequently), but there aren’t many. Monster rights are still being ironed out close to Ebott, so most monsters don’t want to risk it.<br/>-<br/>Okay, I can definitely promise that the next one won't have been written just because there was some event going on in my life I felt the need to write about. Be ready for more nicknames and relationships. I'll see you all later. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Sigh-ence Fair</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It's occurred to me that a lot of these titles express how tired I was at the time of the publication of these chapters. This is my most popular story on both fanfiction.net and here, but it's not my favorite, in all honesty. I have a legitimate series that I'm almost finished with (the whole reason I started posting fanfiction to begin with), but no one seems interested in it.<br/>Anyway, it doesn't matter. I'll see you at the bottom of the page.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Where the heck is Dr. Dumb-little?” Flowey hissed behind the curtain of the stage.</p>
<p>“He already went on, Flowey—” Linda began to hiss back.</p>
<p>“No, not Gaster! I mean Dr. Alphys! You know, Dumb-little?”</p>
<p>Linda rolled her eyes. “Didn’t she say she was waiting for someone?”</p>
<p>“Like I pay attention to what she says—”</p>
<p>“Where is Dr. Alphys, Flowey?” Toriel hurried quietly up to the two of them and peeked through the curtain. A small crowd of monster and human parents, teachers, and students were sitting in the theater seats, looking at their phones or whispering to each other. “She was supposed to go on stage half a minute ago!”</p>
<p>“That’s what we’re trying to figure out, Mom! Linda, did you check the bake sale area?”</p>
<p>“Muffet said she didn’t see her there,” Linda replied. “We need a distraction. I can look for her in the bathroom in the cafeteria if you can get someone to keep the crowd busy.”</p>
<p>“I can do that.” Linda jumped and turned to see Sans behind her in a white lab coat.</p>
<p>“You?”</p>
<p>“You seem to forget that I have several PHDs. I can work some magic, figuratively and literally.”</p>
<p>Linda sniffed. “Fine, just do it. Oh, she is <em>so </em>going to get it once this is over…”</p>
<p>Sans put his hands in his pockets and walked out onstage. Linda opened the side door to the stage and hurried to the cafeteria. She sped past Muffet’s bake sale table and opened the girl’s bathroom door. One of the stalls was closed.</p>
<p>“Dr. Alphys?” Linda called, knocking on the stall. “Dr. Alphys, you were supposed to go on stage two minutes ago! Why aren’t you--?”</p>
<p>
  <em>Sniff…sniff…</em>
</p>
<p>Linda paused. “…Dr. Alphys? The stall door opened and Alphys peered out at the mother. She was crying.</p>
<p>“I can’t go on, Linda,” she sniffled.</p>
<p>“Why not?”</p>
<p>“Undyne called me. She was supposed to go to the hospital because her eye was getting infected. It’s taking them way longer than they thought to clean it up, and she won’t be here for another hour! I-I can’t go on without her in the crowd! I-I’m scared…!”</p>
<p>“…Monsters can get infections?” Was all Linda could think.</p>
<p>“W-well, yes, the bacteria on the surface is different from what would be the monster equivalent, and—!” Alphys’ tail thumped on the floor. “Y-you’re missing the point! I can’t go on the stage! She always makes me feel safe when I have to give speeches or seminars! If she’s not there, I’m… I’m gonna mess up!”</p>
<p>Linda put her hand to her chin and pondered a moment while Alphys wiped her glasses on her lab coat.</p>
<p>Alphys had agreed, after much pushing from Undyne, to give a speech on monster and human biologies as the final event of the science fair. If Linda couldn’t get Alphys on that stage, it would look really bad on the PTA, which would mean <em>she</em> would look bad. Linda didn’t have a lot in her life, so the PTA was her proudest role besides that of being a mother. If Undyne couldn’t come to the fair, could she bring the fair to Undyne? Wait…</p>
<p>Lidna snapped her fingers. “That might be it!”</p>
<p>“H-huh?”</p>
<p>“Give me your phone. Open it first, obviously! Now let’s see…” Linda plucked the phone from Alphys’ claw and opened the Skype app (which The Author doesn’t own), scanning for Undyne’s name.</p>
<p>“O-of course!” Alphys exclaimed as Linda returned the phone.</p>
<p>The screen blinked blue, then white. Undyne was lying in a cot with some bandages over her bad eye. “Hey, babe, how are you—wait, are you crying? What happened?!”</p>
<p>Linda peeked over Alphys’ shoulder. “There’s no time for hellos. Dr. Alphys needs to be on stage, and <em>you</em> need to be her guardian angel or whatever the monster equivalent of that is! Now hurry, Sans has been stalling for nearly three minutes now! Go, I’ll catch up with you!”</p>
<p>“R-right!” Alphys squeezed past Linda and hurried to the theater. Linda watched her go. It was… strange, to say the least, seeing two women love and rely on each other like that. Her religion didn’t really condone this, yet this didn’t seem wrong. Then again, there were a lot of things her religion didn’t allow that were happening all the time. Linda shook her head and walked out of the bathroom. Religion had its own day. Today was a day for science.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #30: Monsters who moved up to the surface were exposed to new germs, as most people tend to do when they go somewhere new. Usually, since monster bodies are mostly magic, the germs don’t affect them that much. However, there can be some exceptions, such as open or old wounds like Undyne’s eye.<br/>-<br/>A little bit of cute Alphyne, as a treat for coming through and reading this thing. I don't really have much else to say, so I'll see you later. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Education Level: Halloween</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Aaaaand back to the boring "current event" chapter. The next one should be a little more original, but for now, this was written during Halloween and I wanted to do something for it. Enjoy the ghost cousins and work life drama.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“…And that is why my DUMMY of a secretary is nowhere near as competent as my cousin was. It’s stupid, stupid, STUPID!” Mad Dummy kicked his base around in the air angrily.</p>
<p>Linda sighed, Napstablook wept softly, and Mettaton EX filed his imaginary nails. “It’s been months, cousin,” he said. “The school board isn’t going to change their mind about that any time soon. Of course,” he looked at Linda with half lidded eyes. “It probably could have been avoided if <em>someone</em> hadn’t complained.”</p>
<p>“It was a literal dummy,” Linda snapped.</p>
<p>“<em>I’m</em> a literal dummy!” Mad Dummy shrieked.</p>
<p>“Yes, but you’re… sentient.”</p>
<p>“My cousin was perfectly sentient! They just don’t like talking! Is that really such a crime to you humans?”</p>
<p>“Frisk is a human and they don’t talk…” Napstablook pointed out.</p>
<p>“I wasn’t talking to you, idiot!”</p>
<p>“Mad Dummy…” Mettaton warned.</p>
<p>Mad Dummy sighed. “Whatever, whatever, WHATEVER! Why are we even here again?”</p>
<p>Linda huffed and set the file she had on Mad Dummy’s desk. She could hear the new secretary muttering to himself outside the counselor’s office. “The school board has asked for the three of you to help with a… project that the younger students have been asking for.” She opened the file and passed around the three copies of an advertisement.</p>
<p>“A Halloween party?” Mettaton raised an eyebrow at the mother. “Why do we need to help?”</p>
<p>“It’s more than a party.” Linda tapped the third line on the paper. “The Kindergarten teachers and students want to host an information party where they have dietarily friendly treats and learn about the history of Halloween. We want you three to help with the education portion.”</p>
<p>“…Why?” Napstablook asked quietly.</p>
<p>Linda blanked. “Um, because… you’re ghosts?”</p>
<p>Mettaton sighed and put a hand to his forehead. “Linda, darling… just because we’re ghosts doesn’t mean we know everything about Halloween.”</p>
<p>“Correct!” Mad Dummy shouted. “I would kick you out of my office if I had feet!”</p>
<p>“Let’s not get violent,” Linda said, inching towards the door. “Besides, it wasn’t my idea… entirely. It was the school board, namely Mr. Otto.”</p>
<p>“We’ve got to do something about him,” Mettaton muttered.</p>
<p>“I told you not to get violent!” Linda snapped the file shut. “The point is, there’re a lot of students who want real ghosts to tell them about the history of Halloween and scary stories. Not too scary, obviously.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know any ghost stories…” Napstablook said. “Sorry…”</p>
<p>“Blooky is right, Linda,” Mettaton said, crossing his legs. “In all my years of being a ghost, the only ‘scary stories’ I’ve heard are about humans, and are probably not the best thing to share with children.”</p>
<p>“Then why don’t <em>you</em> tell them that?” Linda snapped. “Tell them that not all ghosts are about being scary and that there are other ways to learn about Halloween!”</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Linda looked warily at the three ghosts. “…What?” she asked.</p>
<p>“That’s… actually not a bad idea, Linda,” Mettaton said. Napstablook bobbed up and down slowly.</p>
<p>“It’s possible, possible, POSSIBLE… that you have come up with a good idea,” Mad Dummy said. Linda glared at him.</p>
<p>Mettaton pulled out a hot pink pen and began scribbling on his advertisement. “’Halloween from the Perspective of Ghosts,’” he muttered, “featuring real ghosts… and a performance by Mettaton and Co.”</p>
<p>“That sounds nice,” Napstablook said quietly. “And maybe some real ghost snacks?”</p>
<p>“Humans can’t eat ghost snacks, DUMMY,” Mad Dummy snapped. Mettaton reached over and flicked him on the head.</p>
<p>“We can ask for spider snacks from Muffet to go with the theme,” Linda offered slowly.</p>
<p>“Good, Linda, that’s very good… and what else…?”</p>
<p>And the four of them spent the next half hour planning the best party those Kindergarteners ever saw.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #31: Mettaton became famous very quickly once out of the Underground, and he helps finance all of the Monster Schools and the Monster x Human School, which totals to almost as much money as the government.<br/>-<br/>Sometimes I wonder what Mad Dummy's new secretary is like. Then I remember that he probably won't have a major role, ever. Still kind of want to give him a name, at least. Any suggestions?<br/>-<br/>Anyway, I'll see you all later. Until then.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Guardin' the Garden</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A reader named Jorbun said that Mad Dummy's secretary should be named Matt, purely to cause confusion. Honestly, that's as good a reason as any. I think I'll call him Matt, Mad's Mad Mack; Matt for short. He's a grumpy fellow (not quite angry like Mad Dummy, but he puts up with a lot and it wears him thin) and I imagine he doesn't want kids, but he seems to work well with them, for whatever reason. I might add more if Mad Dummy's office comes back into play. I'm probably going to add him to the tags real quick, even though he hasn't really had an appearance yet.<br/>-<br/>Anyway, I've been kind of hyping this chapter up; mostly because it was a more original idea than "thing happening in life must write". Featuring PTA Asgore! I hope you enjoy, I'll see you at the bottom of the page.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Mr. Dreemurr, hello. I didn’t see you there,” Linda said, standing up from where she had been kneeling by the flowers.</p>
<p>“Ah, Howdy, Ms. Linda. How are you?” Asgore Dreemurr nodded politely at the mother and adjusted his pink Hawaiian shirt. It was silent for a moment.</p>
<p>“So, do you like the flowers?” Asgore blurted.</p>
<p>Linda glanced back down at the golden flower bed surrounding a huge hedge in the shape of a familiar skeleton’s head. “Yes, they look well grown and loved.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Asgore followed her eyes. “I take pride in growing plants, golden flowers especially. Did you know,” he returned his gaze to the shorter human, “that golden flowers can be made into a special tea? It is a kind that helps you relax.”</p>
<p>Linda hummed. “I sure could use some of that,” she murmured.</p>
<p>“I may just be able to grant your wish,” Asgore said. “Neither Tori—Toriel or Sans the skeleton were able to come to the PTA meeting today, so I volunteered to represent them. I brought golden flower teabags to share with the teachers and parents. Speaking of which, perhaps we should hurry so that we are not late?”</p>
<p>Linda blinked and looked at her phone clock. Four fifty-five. “Yes, that’s probably a good idea. Let’s go,” she gestured for the king of monsters to follow her. “You haven’t been to many PTA meetings, have you?” She asked.</p>
<p>“No, I have not. I have volunteered in the past, but I never know which room the meetings are in. Which is just as well, I suppose. I’m only an old gardener.”</p>
<p>“Well, the meetings change rooms from time to time. Today, it’s in the teacher’s lounge.”</p>
<p>“Oh, perfect, that’s where the tea maker is. I can whip up some tea, nice and fresh.”</p>
<p>“Kettle, Mr. Dreemurr. A tea maker is called a kettle. And as nice as it sounds, I’ll have to turn you down on the offer. I don’t eat monster food.”</p>
<p>Asgore blinked. “Oh, there’s no need to worry. Golden flower tea is non-magical.”</p>
<p>Linda looked up at him. “It’s not? But I thought monsters—”</p>
<p>“For some monsters, yes, they can only eat magical food. Skeletons, for instance. However, if a monster has enough physicality, they can consume non-magical foods and drinks. It’s not as easy to digest as magic food, but it provides the same energy needed to survive, as long as enough care has been put into the preparation of the food.”</p>
<p>“I… never would have known that,” Linda said. “Maybe I <em>will</em> try some tea.”</p>
<p>“Wonderful,” Asgore smiled. “Ah, here we are.”</p>
<p>They stopped outside the teacher’s lounge and brought out their snacks: brownies from Linda and bags of tea from Asgore.</p>
<p>“Hi, Dad,” Flowey the flower waved a leaf at the goat nonchalantly and flipped to the next page of the folder he was skimming through. “Snacks go on the table by the door.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, Flowey,” Asgore said, “and I am not your father.”</p>
<p>“Denial.”</p>
<p>Asgore walked to the counter near the table and pulled the kettle out from under the sink. Linda set her brownies next to Helen’s lemon squares and sat next to Janice, who nodded at her.</p>
<p>“Okay, people, it’s time for the meeting to start… or it <em>would</em> be, if Dad would <em>hurry with the tea, already!</em>”</p>
<p>“Sorry, sorry,” Asgore said. “It will be done in a minute. Go ahead and start, I’ll be listening.”</p>
<p>“Hmmph,” Flowey grumbled, turning to the first page of the folder. “Okay, the first topic of the meeting today is a discussion on the gardening committee.” Lidna glanced up at Asgore. He was standing still, facing away from the group. Did his shoulders stiffen? “There have been some complaints that the outdoor décor is ‘inappropriate’, or whatever. Thoughts, anyone?”</p>
<p>Janice raised her hand. “I agree with these complaints,” she said. “The flowers are all one color, and are pretty plain. Also, the hedges are so… abstract, it’ll distract the children. I vote we either hire a new gardener, or dock the gardening committee altogether. It’s a school, not a butterfly museum. The interior of the school should be the only thing that matters.”</p>
<p>“I don’t really agree with you, but I’m just one flower abomination. Are there any other thoughts on this?”</p>
<p>Linda looked toward Asgore again. He was still in front of the kettle. Was he… was he <em>shaking</em>?”</p>
<p>“Look, if no one else has anything to say about this, I’ll close the topic and move on to the next. Going once… going twice—”</p>
<p>“Actually,” Linda raised her hand. “I disagree.”</p>
<p>Everyone looked at Linda. Janice frowned at her. “…Why?” Janice asked, through gritted teeth.</p>
<p>“From what my Sam has told me, the students like the plants around the school, the hedges especially. Why should we get rid of something the students like?”</p>
<p>“Because they’re <em>children</em>, Linda,” Janice said coldly. “They don’t know anything yet.”</p>
<p>“I disagree,” Asgore’s voice rumbled. “My ambassador is child, and they are quite knowledgeable.”</p>
<p>“That’s only one kid,” Janice rolled her eyes. “Not everyone’s kid is put on a pedestal.”</p>
<p>“I’m not trying to take sides here…” Linda said slowly, “but I would hope you have a little more faith in your children’s intelligence, Janice.”</p>
<p>“Oh, you are <em>definitely</em> taking sides. A few years ago, you’d be with me on firing some monster, but now? What happened, Linda?”</p>
<p>“I…” Linda began, squirming under everyone’s gaze. “I—”</p>
<p>“Janice,” Asgore said darkly. “I do not appreciate your comments on monster workers or your lack of care for your child’s opinion. I believe there is a rule for PTA meetings that parents or teachers who do not respect others are liable to be—how do you say—kicked out. Am I right in assuming that, Flowey?”</p>
<p>“Yes, actually, there is,” Flowey nodded. “Janice, this is a monster x human school that has been in existence for years. If you’re still not over monsters coexisting with humans, you’re welcome to leave the PTA. You’re worse than Linda, for Pete’s sake.”</p>
<p>“Hey!” Linda snapped.</p>
<p>“Oh, trust me, I know,” Janice’s husband Pete grumbled.</p>
<p>“W-we’re getting off topic!” Janice spluttered. “Monster or not, those hedges and flowers are still hideous. We should at least look into hiring a new gardener. One with more appropriate tastes.”</p>
<p>The kettle whistled and Asgore removed it from the heat. “Here is an idea,” he said. “The school doesn’t have a mascot besides the Delta Rune Emblem. What if we made the person whom I modeled the hedges after our mascot?”</p>
<p>Janice burst out laughing. “What a dumb idea! Who even <em>are</em> the hedges supposed to be?”</p>
<p>“Papyrus the skeleton,” everyone chorused.</p>
<p>“Oh,” Janice said, “<em>oh.</em>” She blushed and sank into her seat.</p>
<p>“That’s what I thought,” Flowey said. “Now, all in favor of keeping the gardener, well, the gardener, say ‘aye’.”</p>
<p>“Aye,” several parents, including Linda and Asgore, said.</p>
<p>“All those opposed?”</p>
<p>“Nay,” Janice and Pete said.</p>
<p>“The ayes have it. Now, onto our next—”</p>
<p>“The tea is done,” Asgore said, holding up a tray with tea cups. “Who here would like some? It’s <em>fresh from the garden.”</em> He looked right at Janice when he said that. She turned her nose up at him.</p>
<p>Several parents raised their hands, Linda as well. Asgore gave her the first cup. “Thank you,” Linda said.</p>
<p>“No, Linda, thank <em>you</em>,” he said back, smiling at her. Linda sipped her tea. It really was quite relaxing. “Do you want some, Flowey?”</p>
<p>“Dad, I <em>am</em> a golden flower.”</p>
<p>“Oh, oops, you are right. Forgive me.”</p>
<p>“Just don’t do it again. Anyway, like I was saying about our next topic…”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #32: If monsters have enough physical matter (dust, technically, since monsters are made of magic and dust), they can consume human food. It takes more time to digest and it doesn’t heal as much, but it’s possible.<br/>-<br/>Linda slowly becomes a better person. Character development; a rarity in PTA fics.<br/>-<br/>Something I should probably note that aside from the human couples, there's only one canon ship: Alphyne. Everyone else is just good friends with each other (except Toriel and Asgore; they're technically a little less. Maybe I'll write something with both of them to show the extent of their relationship one day. What do you think?<br/>-<br/>Anyway, I'll see you all later. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Territory of the Lesbians</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A chapter with a disappointing lack of lesbian characters, but a nice bit of educational stuff about deciding on college. See you at the bottom of the page.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“…And that is why I hate spinach. Now, without further ado, here is the teacher in charge of our first annual College Student Visitation / Career Fair: Toriel!”</p>
<p>Flowey clapped his leaves as Toriel stepped up to the podium on the stage in the auditorium. “Thank you, Flowey, even if you spent the last five minutes complaining about the spinach balls someone made for the snack table. Alright, everyone, you’ve been assigned your color groups to rotate through the different tables and displays around the school. Remember to stay in your groups so that there are no traffic issues. Parent and teacher volunteers, you have your timers set. Remember: ten minutes at each table. Now, the most important things to keep in mind today are to have fun and learn! Off with you, now!”</p>
<p>Linda adjusted the red paper circle pinned to her blouse and raised her arm above her head. “Red group, with me, please.”</p>
<p>“And me,” Sans said, tapping his own circle on his jacket.</p>
<p>Linda rolled her eyes. “Yes, yes, you too. Come on, everyone.” A small group of about ten students, including Sam and Frisk, meandered slowly after the two adults, red circles on their shirts.</p>
<p>They began to trek through the hall outside the auditorium to a table with a girl sitting behind it, wearing a pink Number Two Sister T-shirt. She waved at Linda and Sans as their group approached, and she stood up.</p>
<p>“Hello, everyone,” The Author said slowly. She gave something that could resemble a smile and gestured to her poster boards on her left and right. Linda and Sans stepped back to let the kids crowd around the table. “I’m The Author, and this table is about a smaller college a little farther away from here.”</p>
<p>“Well, given that we’re in a fictional, relatively unnamed and uncharted location, yes, it probably is far away,” Sans said.</p>
<p>The kids giggled, even if they didn’t know what that meant.</p>
<p>“A-anyway, a small college, as the name implies, is smaller than most institutions,” The Author continued. “This tends to mean that they’re private and therefore more expensive. However, there are some benefits to attending a small college. For instance…” The Author pointed at a picture of herself with an old lady in a class room. “This is one of my teachers. In most public schools, the student body is so large that you can’t connect with your professors as easily. In smaller schools, though, the class size can be anywhere from ten to thirty students, sometimes even less than that. Thus, you can talk to your professors and classmates and have them know your name. Isn’t that nice?”</p>
<p>The students didn’t say anything and just looked up at The Author with vague curiosity. Except Frisk, who was signing something. “Frisk wants to know how much more expensive a small private college is than a public one,” Sans translated.</p>
<p>“Ah, good question, Frisk! Depending on where you live compared to where you go to college, a private college can be more than twice as costly than a public college. Of course, that’s only if you go in state. If you go to a public college in a different state, that can end up costing as much as a in state private college, or more!” The Author pointed to a short list of the cost of individual aspects of attending a private college.</p>
<p>“Why’d you decide to go to an all-girl school?” Sam asked, pointing at an advertisement taped to one of the poster boards.</p>
<p>“Well, to be honest, I didn’t pick my college because of that. I picked it because they had the major I wanted, it was relatively cheap when my scholarships were applied, and it wasn’t too far away.”</p>
<p>“An all-girls school?” Linda raised an eyebrow. “I’m all for women empowerment, but that doesn’t leave room for finding a nice man.”</p>
<p>The Author shrugged. “I’m not really interested in a relationship right now. School comes first!”</p>
<p>“Of course,” Linda said slowly. “But wouldn’t that make room for… other kinds of relationships?”</p>
<p>“What kind do you mean?”</p>
<p>“Well, you know… um…”</p>
<p>“Lesbians,” Sans said. “She’s asking about lesbians.”</p>
<p>“Ah,” The Author nodded. “I have seen a few couples at school, though I don’t know any of them well. Why do you ask, Linda?”</p>
<p>“Well, an all-girls school… no boys… won’t that lead to… certain things?”</p>
<p>The Author furrowed her brow a bit, then made the connection. “Oh, yes, you are only allowed to attend an all-girls school if you’re a lesbian. It’s the rules.”</p>
<p>Linda visibly paled. The Author’s overly serious expression faded as she laughed. “Of course that’s not a rule! My sister attends the same school as me and has a boyfriend. And a student from my German class is a bit more conservative, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t get along.” The Author spread her arms. “The school I go to is a free space for girls to grow and become confident. At least, that’s what it’s supposed to do.”</p>
<p>“Oh… o-okay…” Linda said slowly. “I guess I could stand behind that if it’s a good cause.”</p>
<p>The Author smiled. “Good to hear, Linda.” Linda’s phone went off.</p>
<p>“Oh, it’s time for us to go, Author,” Linda said.</p>
<p>“Yeah, go ahead.” The Author made a sweeping gesture towards the next table at the corner of the hall. “Sorry for getting off topic.”</p>
<p>“It’s okay,” Sam said. “No one is really paying attention. We’re elementary students.”</p>
<p>Linda frowned at her child, but raised her arm over her head. “Follow me, red students.”</p>
<p>“You’re doing great, Author,” Sans said, giving her a thumbs up.</p>
<p>“Thanks, Sans,” she said, waving at the next group that was coming her way.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #33: Since the monster x human school is the only one of its kind, there is a lot of focus on the future of the students, monster and human, hence why there’s a college visitation/ career fair at an elementary school.<br/>-<br/>One of my professor's (the one I mention in this story, I believe) once joked that only lesbians could attend an all-girls school. She's great; you'd like her I hope.<br/>-<br/>Anyway, I'm feeling kind of off today, so I'm going to go play Animal Crossing and maybe Origami King for a few hours. I'll catch you all later. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Dinner and Dialogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>AKA Linda complaining about monster food is kind of just a thing she does at this point, despite every chapter where that comes up for the past three or four years proving that she shouldn't be worried about that.<br/>AKA There was a thing going on at my college so I wrote about it. Yeah, we're back in that section again. Anyway, see you at the bottom of the page.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What’s that?” Flowey asked.</p>
<p>“A dinner and dialogue meeting,” Muffet began again, “is an event where students and staff come together to eat foods from a different culture while discussing different aspects of said culture.”</p>
<p>“I remember doing that in college,” Gloria said. “We had Indian food and watched a video about female chefs. It was a lot of fun.”</p>
<p>The PTA meeting for that day was in the cafeteria, where Muffet was serving spider donuts to the parents and teachers. Linda didn’t get one, instead nibbling and trying not to choke on one of Helen’s lemon squares. Helen was wondering if she could serve her lemon squares at this din-din and chit-chat thing the monsters were talking about.</p>
<p>“Well, I <em>gues</em>s that could be good for the students,” Flowey said. “But what culture should we do?”</p>
<p>“The monster culture. Obviously.” Muffet slowly blinked one eye at a time at the head of the PTA. “It’s a monster x human school. It’s kind of our shtick.”</p>
<p>Flowey blew a raspberry at her, but flipped through his schedule in his PTA folder. “Well, we have a free Friday two weeks from now from five to seven. That should probably be long enough. Now, we’ll have to—”</p>
<p>“<em>Just</em> a minute!” Linda called. Everyone looked at her.</p>
<p>“<em>What,</em> Linda. What <em>now</em>?” Flowey growled.</p>
<p>“I don’t know if it would be a good idea to serve monster food to the students.” Everyone groaned, but Linda continued, “what if some of the students are allergic, or—”</p>
<p>“Linda, dearie, if any of the students at this school were allergic to monster food, we would have heard about it by now. It’s been over three years, possibly even longer,” Muffet said.</p>
<p>“But still—” Linda protested.</p>
<p>“Oh my gosh, <em>fine</em>!” Flowey yelled. “We can have monster recipes made from human ingredients for the humans and real monster food for the monsters. We can label them and let the kids choose which they want. Is that good for you, <em>Linda?</em>”</p>
<p>Linda hesitated, then nodded. “Fine. So, who’s going to bring the food?” Muffet stared at her. “…Right.”</p>
<p>“I’ll be happy to serve the dinner and give a presentation for the dialogue,” Muffet said, “for an eensie, <em>weensie—”</em></p>
<p>“YOU ARE THE TREASURER!” Flowey shouted.</p>
<p>“Co-treasurer, dearie.”</p>
<p>“WHATEVER! JUST TAKE THE MONEY FROM THE TREASURY AND SHUT UP!”</p>
<p>Muffet giggled and bared her fangs, which made Linda squeal and Gloria laugh.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #34: Monster food is made of magic, but there can be equivalents to the recipes with human ingredients. Muffet and Grillby are the most well-versed monsters in this process.<br/>-<br/>Take this, why don't you. I'm tired, so I'm going to do a few more things and then play Origami King until dinner. See you all later, until then.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Blue Ribbons: Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I think I was feeling some kind of way when I wrote this a year ago; it doesn't actually have anything to do with the real Audrey. It's a prologue, so you already know how it ends, but trigger warning for bullying, neglect, and implied suicide.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Audrey hurried through the halls of the monster x human school with her notebooks in hand and her backpack heavy on her shoulders. Hopefully, she wouldn’t see <em>them</em> today. Her math classroom was in sight; she was just about to reach it—!</p>
<p>“Heeey, Audrey.”</p>
<p>Dang it. Audrey was just about to speed up when Bella grabbed her by the backpack and pulled her backwards, forcing Audrey to turn and face the three girls: Bella, Dana, and Charlotte.</p>
<p>Audrey gripped her notebooks tightly and looked at the ground. Dana, who, like the other girls, was taller than Audrey, reached over and smacked Audrey’s books out of her tight grip. Despite Audrey’s efforts, they fell onto the floor.</p>
<p>Audrey knelt to gather them up when Charlotte stepped on Audrey’s hand. Audrey yelped, then quickly covered her mouth with her free hand. This was bad.</p>
<p>Bella glared at Audrey while the other girls yanked her up by the arms and held in place. “What did we say about making noise? Not that it matters…” Bella glanced at a student standing nearby, who flinched and hurried into a classroom. “Our parents are so rich <em>no teacher</em> would put us in detention.”</p>
<p>“You know, you’re talking as though you’re trying to catch the reader up on the backstory of this chapter…” Audrey mumbled.</p>
<p>“<em>What</em> did you say?!”</p>
<p>It was a good thing Audrey’s mom worked late at the Local Fast Food Joint and her dad was always in his office. How else would she be able to sneak into her parent’s bedroom and use a bit of her mom’s makeup to hide the bruises she’d get at least once a week?</p>
<p>Then, almost by a miracle, Audrey had to go to the PTA meeting with her dad one day. Perhaps now, she could act!</p>
<p>“Alright, the meeting is now in session,” Flowey, Flowey the Head of the PTA said. “We have a fairly short one today; not much going on event wise. Does anyone have a topic they’d like to discuss?”</p>
<p>Audrey quickly raised her hand.</p>
<p>“Audrey, put your hand down,” her dad snapped. “Kids can’t participate in the <em>parent teacher</em> meeting.”</p>
<p>“Yes, Audrey, what is it?” Audrey’s dad glared at Flowey and leaned back in his chair.</p>
<p>Audrey slowly stood up, trying not to shrink under the eyes of everyone there. “Um…” she began, “I’ve noticed that, well… I think some students—not saying who—are being… bullied.” She sat back down.</p>
<p>“I see,” Flowey said, ruffling his petals. “Thank you for bringing this to our attention. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to deal with this?”</p>
<p>The room was silent for a moment. Audrey flicked her eyes over each parent or teacher, looking for a sign. After a moment, a human woman raised her hand. “Yes, Helen?” Flowey asked.</p>
<p>“Why don’t we put up posters telling students <em>not</em> to be bullies?” Audrey’s heart sank.</p>
<p>“I agree,” another woman said. “We could make it into a school wide event: letting students make their own posters for anti-bullying.”</p>
<p>“I don’t if that’ll be enough, Linda,” Flowey began.</p>
<p>“Oh, of course it will,” Linda replied. “Kids love making art; what’s so different about making posters?”</p>
<p>“Linda, that’s really not—”</p>
<p>“All in favor of letting the students make posters, say ‘Aye’.”</p>
<p>Most of the human parents said ‘aye’.</p>
<p>“All those opposed?”</p>
<p>Most of the monster parents said ‘nay’. There were fewer monsters than humans.</p>
<p>“The ayes have it,” Linda declared.</p>
<p>“Well, I <em>veto</em> that notion!” Flowey yelled. “Are you idiots even stupider than I thought? If we’re going to do a school wide event for antibullying, we have to make it count! I suggest an <em>actual</em> event with speakers and more than just posters.”</p>
<p>Linda rolled her eyes. “Like we have the money for that.”</p>
<p>Flowey spluttered, then crossed his leaves. “Oh my gosh <em>fine!</em> We’ll stick a poster making event into the next early release day. Are you happy now?!”</p>
<p>Audrey slowly followed her dad out of the cafeteria after the meeting. There was one last option in mind, though she had wanted to avoid using it. Now, however, it seemed it was the only viable option left.</p>
<p>After her parents went to bed, Audrey went downstairs and found her dad’s blood pressure medicine.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think # 35: Before the events of this chapter, most of the monster x human school’s funds went to the school’s public image: fancy classroom equipment, playgrounds and the like. After the events of this chapter, it was decided unanimously that more of the funds would go to making the school a better place, with security cameras for student/teacher safety, healthier cafeteria food, and paying the teachers more for their work. And, of course, an annual antibullying event in Audrey’s honor.<br/>-<br/>I honestly don't have much to say for this one. Leave a comment and tell me what you think. I'll see you later; until then.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. A Demon's Detention</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Chara gets some proper attention and development! Huzzah! And also some new-ish characters are introduced! Double huzzah! See you at the bottom of the page.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So, my mom said Frisk Dreemurr should’ve stayed home instead of running away to Mt. Ebott and freeing the monsters.”</p>
<p>“You mean the kid who isn’t a boy or a girl? Honestly, I kind of agree. I had to get transferred to this school because of the monsters coming down and now my old friends are cool with them, even though it meant I had to go to a new school and only get to see my friends during summer breaks. I wish that kid had stayed in their room with their real parents.”</p>
<p>“Um, you should be careful with what you say. I heard they’re followed by a demon that haunts those who bad mouth them.”</p>
<p>
  <strong>“And you are correct!”</strong>
</p>
<p>The two boys, Liam and Hunter, jumped and turned to see a child with a green and yellow striped sweater, brown hair that nearly reached their shoulders, and a bright yet somehow menacing smile on their face. They looked familiar.</p>
<p>“…Frisk?” Liam asked.</p>
<p>“Nope.”</p>
<p>“Then who--?”</p>
<p>“Chara’s the name; don’t wear it out.” They turned to the other boy, who had been more cautious yet still guilty of badmouthing Frisk. “How’d you hear about the demon who protects Frisk?”</p>
<p>“W-well, my friend Sam said his mom saw the demon in her dreams at a PTA meeting and scared her because she said mean things about Frisk.”</p>
<p>“Ah, yes,” Chara smiled even more. “Good times. Now, onto you two…” The boys hugged each other in fright. Chara’s eyes turned black. <strong>“Who said you two could talk smack about Frisk?”</strong></p>
<p>-Later That Day-</p>
<p>Helen hurried into the principal’s office and gripped her son, Hunter, by his shoulders. He was sitting in a chair next to his friend Liam, and next to that boy was…</p>
<p>“…Fruits? Is that you?” They turned and Helen flinched. “I know you! You wouldn’t try my lemon squares when that meeting got canceled a few chapters ago!”</p>
<p>The Author cleared her throat while walking out of a closet with a broom in hand. “No breaking the fourth wall in the halls.”</p>
<p>“But we’re not in the halls…?”</p>
<p>“My message still stands.”</p>
<p>The principal, Eric Richards, entered the room with a cup of coffee and sat behind the desk. He looked tiredly at Chara. “So, I assume you still refuse to tell us who your parents are?”</p>
<p>Chara nodded. “I’m not a student, so what’s the point?”</p>
<p>“You still sneak into the school without being recorded on the security cameras and terrorize the staff, parents, and students.” He ran a hand through his thinning hair.</p>
<p>“Well, that’s the deal when you’re a demon. And no,” they pointed a finger at Helen as she opened her mouth, “that’s not a kind of monster. Demons and monsters are completely different. Don’t ask me how I know, I just do. That’s also kind of the deal when you’re a demon; you just know.”</p>
<p>Mr. Richards sighed and rubbed at his temples. “Chara, you can’t keep scaring people and sneaking into the school. People might think you’re trying to attack the school. Then, people won’t think it’s safe here and the monster x human school could close. Is that what you want?”</p>
<p>Chara looked into their lap. “…No,” they finally sighed. “I just want to protect Frisk from people who pick on them. It’s… kind of my only purpose.”</p>
<p>Helen looked between the principal and the demon. It seemed strange to her that a demon could have a purpose beyond tormenting bad souls. And yet, here one was, sitting in a chair with their hands in their lap like any other scolded child.</p>
<p>Mr. Richards hummed and folded his hands on his desk. “Tell you what,” he said, “I can’t just let you slide for scaring the members of this school, so I’ll give you two days of detention.”</p>
<p>Chara immediately looked up with indignation. <strong>“WHAT?”</strong></p>
<p>“BUT,” he continued, “you can trade your second day of detention for a pass to enter this school, as long as you do it the right way: through the administration office.”</p>
<p>Chara thought for a moment. “You mean, walk in through the door and enter my information into an ID sticker for visitors?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” said the principal.</p>
<p>“Um,” Helen interjected. “Is it really okay to allow a demon into the school, through the right way or not?”</p>
<p>“I believe Chara is telling the truth; they only cause trouble when others are picking on their friend. No one should pick on anyone, so as for you two,” he looked at Hunter and Liam. “For your punishment, I’d like you both to write an apology letter to Frisk. In neat handwriting, please.”</p>
<p>Liam groaned, but nodded. Hunter simply nodded and turned to Chara. “Sorry for the trouble,” he said sheepishly.</p>
<p>Chara smiled, more genuinely this time. “No problem.”</p>
<p>-Even Later That Day-</p>
<p>Frisk smiled as they read through the two letters that had been dropped off at their house. They didn’t know who made those boys do this, but it was a nice gesture anyway. Flowey was sitting in his normal pot on the table next to them, writing notes that he would place in a folder for the next PTA meeting. While he wasn’t looking, Frisk would smile up at the demon standing behind them, who would smirk and wink at them when their eyes met. They didn’t bother asking why Chara had been missing for an hour after school.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #36: The principal, Eric Richards, is a round shaped but still kind hearted older man, like a nonromanticized Santa Claus without the beard. He was chosen by the government to be the principal, but he’s much fairer with both humans and monsters than one would think by just looking at him.<br/>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #37: The PTA moms don’t have a physical descriptor besides Linda being blonde and Linda and Helen likely being white suburban moms; thus, their children Sam and Hunter don’t have physical descriptors. You can use your lovely imaginations to give them an appearance.<br/>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #38: Chara has never told Frisk that they haunt people who talk smack about the ambassador to humans and monsters. Frisk has their suspicions, but has said nothing on this matter.<br/>-<br/>Three headcanons? Woooow. I think this was around the time I first heard of Baldi's Basics. Fun stuff. Anyway, did you like this? Please (please) leave a comment and tell me. I'll see you all later. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Back to School Program</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is actually kind of timely. I wrote this last year when it was getting to be time to go back to school, and now it's almost time to go back to school again. This one's not that interesting, but there's some interesting things discussed, I guess.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>BEE-BE-BE-BEE-BEEP-BE-BE-BE-BEE-BEEP! BEEP- BEE-BE-BE-BE-BE-BEE!</p>
<p>“Alright, people, listen up!” Flowey called after beeping his wagon horn. “We have important business this evening, so Helen, stop trying to get people to eat your lemon squares!”</p>
<p>“Aw,” Helen whined, returning her “treat” to the snack table. Some parents looked to Flowey gratefully.</p>
<p>Flowey opened the folder next to him and skimmed the discussion topic at the top of the first page. “Okay, summer is almost over and the kids will be back in classes soon. The school board wants our monster x human school to help ease the transition for students between break and work. Anyone want to snowball an idea around?”</p>
<p>“I thought winter didn’t start till late December,” Sans chuckled. Flowey gripped his petals like he was about to tear them off. The parents and teachers groaned, except Gloria and Toriel, who were suppressing their giggles. “Two out of thirty ain’t bad,” he shrugged. “Anyway, I was thinking maybe we could have an early release day on the first day, since the first day is usually for introductions and getting to know each other. At least, that’s how it was for me when I was in school. It <em>has</em> been a few years, though, so things might have changed.”</p>
<p>“How old are you, again?” Helen asked.</p>
<p>“That’s for me to know and you to never find out. ‘Sides, I never ask <em>you</em> how old you are.”</p>
<p>“You asked me once if my lemon squares were supposed to be for MREs.”</p>
<p>“Apples and lemons, Helen.”</p>
<p>BEE-BE-BE-BEE-BEEP-BE-BE-BE-BEE-BEEP! BEEP- BEE-BE-BE-BE-BE-BEE!</p>
<p>“Can we PLEASE get on track here?” Flowey growled. Linda raised her hand. “Yes?”</p>
<p>“Sans, the PTA isn’t in charge of when early releases are,” she said. “We can influence them, possibly, but we only have so many. They need to be spread out evenly over the course of the school year.”</p>
<p>“I agree with Linda.” Toriel smacked her lips. “That tasted strange to say.”</p>
<p>“Mom’s right, Sans.” Flowey turned to the skeleton.</p>
<p>“I am not your—” Toriel began.</p>
<p>“I think you’re thinking of higher-level classes, not elementary students. In a college, sure, the professor could cut the class short on day one, but elementary schools are obligated to have full first days. Anyone else?” Gloria raised her hand. “Go on?”</p>
<p>“We could play educational games that introduce the students and teachers’ names,” she said.</p>
<p>Flowey hummed before shaking his petals. “I feel like teachers already do that, and even then, the students sometimes still feel nervous about talking to new people. We need something that would make the students <em>want</em> to keep coming to school, and laugh with each other or some baloney like that. Something like…”</p>
<p>“A play!” Gloria announced excitedly.</p>
<p>“A play?” Everyone looked at each other in confusion, even Toriel and Sans.</p>
<p>“How do you mean?” Toriel asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Flowey said. “We can’t make the students learn skits during their last week of summer; that’d be like giving them last minute homework!”</p>
<p>“Not with students,” Gloria wagged a finger. “With us!” The parents and teachers, again, looked around in confusion. “Let me explain.” Gloria stood and paced back and forth behind her chair. “We get a few members of the staff to practice little skits, something simple but funny, like funny poems with actors acting them out. We’d present it like a big show and get all of the kids to come to the auditorium to watch. We’d do silly things to make them laugh and feel comfortable at school… and of course, give everyone name tags so they know who everyone is.”</p>
<p>“Where did you come up with this idea, Gloria?” Toriel asked.</p>
<p>“When I was in elementary school, my teachers would put on a ‘talent show’ with them goofing around and making us laugh. It was the same performance every year, but I never got tired of it. We could even do better and do something like that every year, but different so the kids don’t get bored.”</p>
<p>“I… suppose we could do that…” Linda said slowly. “We’d need to see who has time to perform and what sort of ‘skits’ we’d put on.”</p>
<p>“Since we’re a monster x human school, we could do magic shows or monster-based stories,” Sans offered. Linda looked concerned. “Linda, it’s been nearly four years since monsters showed up on the surface. Don’t you want the kids to be prepared for the ‘new’ real world?”</p>
<p>Linda opened her mouth, then shut it. “I can see your point, but I’d like to be a member of the committee who chooses what acts we put on.”</p>
<p>“Well, would you look at that,” Sans whistled. “You actually want to be a partner instead of being the only one. ‘Yourself’-ishness is fading away.”</p>
<p>“SANS!” Everyone yelled as Gloria and Toriel burst out laughing.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #39: Linda’s bachelor of the arts degree was in acting, though she also took other various arts classes during college. Unlike Gloria, with her degree in dancing, Linda exchanged her college dreams with being a mother once she got married and had her child, Sam. Hence, she’s apprehensive yet also wants to participate in these “mini-plays”.<br/>-<br/>Gloria's elementary school skits were a thing that my elementary school did. It was the same skits ever year, but since it was only once a year (I think actually it was at the end of the year for us, sooo...) I never got tired of it. I have no idea if they still do that, at that school or any other, but those were some nice memories.<br/>-<br/>So like I said at the top, school will be starting up for me soon. I should probably get to ordering those text books. Wweh. I think that if I remember to update this story every day, then I'll finish with the back log of chapters I've got completed and you'll have to wait for new ones like the rest of my readers. But anyway, what did you think? Leave a comment and tell me. The next one should be a little more interesting, possibly maybe. I'll see you around. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Flowey's Secret</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This one should be a little more interesting; it's kind of lore-based, so there's some stuff we know from the game being explained in this AU, so spoilers for the True Pacifist ending. To be honest, even I'm not sure of the true extent of the reasons for Flowey's "secret", but he can handle it the way he wants. Anyway, see you at the bottom of the page.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mary put her notebook in her backpack as soon as the final bell of the day rang. She was a girl on a mission. She checked to see if her weapon was still in the smallest pocket of her bag, and nodded when she found it just as it was when she checked after her previous class. Then, she hurried to the teacher’s lounge.</p><p>She was early, which fit right in with her plan. Flowey, Flowey the head of the PTA, was alone in the room, sitting in his Flowey pot and shiny red wagon, flipping through the folder next to him. He glanced up when she entered the room.</p><p>“Oh, hey, Mary,” he said, returning his gaze to the folder. Mary took out her weapon in a noticeably loud way, drawing Flowey’s attention. He gasped. “I-is that... an Ebott Bar?”</p><p>Mary nodded and held up the dark chocolate candy bar, still in its wrapper.</p><p>Flowey licked his lips (do flowers have lips?), and reached his leaves in her direction. “I have no qualms about taking candy from children. Gimme.”</p><p>Mary laughed and waved the bar tantalizingly. “I’ll share it with you...”</p><p>“Good. Now gimme.”</p><p>“Buuuut,” Mary stopped waving the candy. “I want to know something about you.”</p><p>Flowey sighed and ruffled his petals. “What’s there to know? I’m a morally gray, soulless flower who runs the PTA with the help of president Temmie.”</p><p>“Actually, that’s what I want to talk to you about.”</p><p>“What, me and Temmie?”</p><p>“No, being a soulless flower.”</p><p>Flowey looked pensive. “I can’t help but feel you’re a bit young to learn about the nature of souls.”</p><p>“Frisk learned about it.”</p><p>“Well, yeah, but... oh, alright, <em>fine</em>. What do you want to know?”</p><p>“Well, it’s less about you and more about your parents.”</p><p>Flowey stopped moving for a bit, not quite looking at Mary. Finally, he blinked and focused his gaze. “I probably should have expected this question, but I figured it would be from a parent or teacher, not a student.” He closed his folder and gestured for Mary to come closer.</p><p>“Why do you call Ms. Toriel and Mr. Dreemurr your mom and dad?” She asked as soon as she was close.</p><p>“Where to begin,” Flowey pondered aloud. “I suppose I should start with the history of the monster royal family.”</p><p>“Long ago, two races ruled over Earth: humans and monsters. One day, war broke out between the two races. In the end, the humans were victorious and sealed the monsters under Mt. Ebott with a magical barrier only a soul with the power of a human and monster could pass. Which leads to the story of King Asgore and Queen Toriel.”</p><p>“ King Asgore and Queen Toriel loved each other enough at the time to have a child, Prince Asriel. They lived as a happy family for a little over a decade. Then, one day, a human fell into the Underground. Their name was Chara. Chara and Prince Asriel became fast friends, and the Underground was filled with hope that humans and monsters could live in harmony. That hope didn’t last long, though.”</p><p>“One day, Chara got very sick. I won’t tell you how they got sick; that’s for when you’re older. Don’t pout, Mary, it’s for your own good. Anyway, Chara got sick, and eventually died. They had one dying request: to see the golden flowers in their town where they were initially from. Since everyone was trapped Underground, their wish couldn’t come true. So, Prince Asriel absorbed Chara’s soul and took their body to the town with the flowers. When the humans in the town saw them, they thought the monster killed the human, and attacked. The prince simply smiled and took the body back underground, where he turned to dust and died.”</p><p>Mary sniffled a bit and rubbed away the tears. “That’s a sad story,” she said.</p><p>Flowey sat there awkwardly. “Well, you wanted to hear the story. We’re almost done, though.”</p><p>“O-okay,” Mary wiped away the last tear and smiled at Flowey. “I’m ready.”</p><p>Flowey nodded. “Okay. So, where was I...? Oh, yeah, the prince died. So, the king and queen, obviously, were very upset, but they handled it in different ways. The king got angry and declared war on humans; basically, any human who fell below would have to be killed, so their soul could be used to break the barrier. The queen, on the other hand, was mad at the king for his anger, so she gave up her crown and ran away to the Ruins, where no one would find her.”</p><p>“Something important to keep in mind is that the prince had brought some golden flower seeds into the underground, and they eventually grew into actual golden flowers. Some years later, the new Royal Scientist decided to try an experiment with a component of a human soul: DETERMINATION. So, she took the first golden flower from the King’s garden, something specifically without a soul, and combined it with DETERMINATION to give it sentience. Uh, basically, it would come to life. What the scientist didn’t know, though, is that that flower had dust on it... the <em>prince’s</em> dust. So, when she gave the flower determination, the flower came to life, but it had the memories and consciousness of the prince. I’m sure you can figure out the rest.”</p><p>Mary clapped her hands. “<em>You’re </em>the prince! Wowie!”</p><p>Flowey shushed her. “I kind of want that to be a secret, okay?”</p><p>“But if it’s a secret, why do you keep calling Ms. Toriel and Mr. Dreemurr mom and dad?”</p><p>“I...” Flowey looked away. “I kind of want them to figure it out on their own, you know? It’s complicated.”</p><p>“Oh... okay!” Mary bounced excitedly. “I’ll keep your secret. Ooh, can I tell my diary? It has a lock on it, so no one will be able to read it but me!”</p><p>Flowey thought for a moment. Finally, he nodded. “You better be a good secret keeper,” he warned, “or else I’ll eat you.”</p><p>“Okay!” Mary giggled. “Oh, I owe you something...” She unwrapped the chocolate bar and snapped it in half, giving Flowey one piece as she shoved the other in her mouth.</p><p>Flowey snatched the bar away and held it close. “You should probably sit down, Mary. The other parents and teachers should be here soon.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #40: “Ebott Bars” are an old town treat, famous for only selling above the 60% darkness level. Well, technically they’re only famous in the Ebott area; it’s a local thing.<br/>-<br/>Mary is about 8 or 9, I imagine, so is she old enough to learn about the monster war? Honestly, this is probably just a slightly more detailed version of the story she's learned from her monster history classes with Toriel, so she already knew some of the beats.<br/>-<br/>I imagine that the monsters were as transparent as possible with what they did and felt, and while a lot of humans were upset, after a while it calmed down a bit, because honestly, haven't humans done things just as bad, if not worse to other humans? Some humans still hold a grudge against the monsters, and no one can really blame them, as long as they try to keep things civil.<br/>-<br/>Apparently, I had originally wanted Gloria to be the one to ask about Flowey's secret, but I think it's better that he shared it with another child. Also, I didn't mention this, but there's a chocolate bar in Toriel's fridge in the game, and it's hinted to be a reminder of Chara. Lots of people head canon Chara to like chocolate in its purest form (i.e. the higher the percentage, the better). This makes a lot of sense to me, and it kind of accidentally foils Sans, who prefers white chocolate in this AU (hot debate: does white chocolate count as actual chocolate? Discuss).<br/>-<br/>The next one is kind of fun, featuring everyone's favorite person whose only purpose is to progress the plot! I'll see you around. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Extra, Extra! Read All Ab-Otto It!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I remember the reason for writing this one, vaguely. I was on the internet, trying to find some PTA Undertale fanart or something, when I noticed the title of a news article about some school's PTA. I was like, "hmm... if there was ever a PTA that would end up in the news, wouldn;t it be the monster x human school PTA? And thus, this was born. See you at the bottom of the page.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Good evening, viewers, and welcome to Ebott News.” Alfred Deanston smiled cheerily at the camera man in front of his desk. “Straight into the news: today, we’ll be looking at the monster x human school PTA meetings! On the scene is Katie Messer; Katie, how are things going at the school?”</p>
<p>The camera flicked to a different camera’s view, this one at the front of the cafeteria doors at the monster x human school. A woman with dark skin and hair smiled just as brightly as her coworker and lifted the microphone to her mouth.</p>
<p>“Good evening, Alfred. I’m outside today’s PTA meeting room with Mr. Otto, or The Official PTA Person with Official Business Whose Only Purpose Is to Progress the Plot. Sir, how are you doing today?” She held the microphone to his face.</p>
<p>Otto didn’t smile, but simply said, “I’m fine.”</p>
<p>“Alright, Mr. Otto, you’ve given this school’s PTA a B+ as an overall rating. Can you explain your reasoning?”</p>
<p>Otto adjusted his black tie. “Well, you have to understand the complications of having a monster x human school. There’s a lot of attention on this school, from all sorts of government officials. As an Official PTA Person with Official Business whose Only Purpose is to Progress the Plot, it’s my job to make sure the meetings go peacefully and that the members are doing the right thing.”</p>
<p>“Of course,” Katie said, “but what about the grade you gave this school? Why a B+?”</p>
<p>“W-well,” Otto loosened his tie a bit. “There’s a lot of tension between monsters and humans in the world, and we need to make sure both parties are being fair to each other.”</p>
<p>“Are you saying the human and monsters aren’t being fair to each other?”</p>
<p>“Well, you see, from my first supervision of a PTA meeting at this school, it was clear to me that the monsters were insistent on not having a nativity scene for their winter play, to the protests of some of the humans. There was a lot of back and forth between the two, and the head of the PTA and the PTA president—who are both monsters, mind you—sided heavily with the monsters. I gave the PTA at this school such a high grade because of how quickly they were able to evenly divide the judging for the winter choir.”</p>
<p>Katie frowned. “So... you’re saying you gave them a bad grade because they tried to not show religious preference in the school? And because monsters stand up for each other?”</p>
<p>“A-ah, well—“</p>
<p>“Yeah, that’s basically why,” a new voice behind Otto said. A skeleton was crawling on his back. Otto made a frightened noise as the skeleton in a blue jacket and pink slippers hopped off of Otto’s back and next to Katie. Katie jumped at the sudden presence, but quickly held the microphone to the skeleton’s mouth.</p>
<p>“Hello, uh... sir?” The skeleton nodded. “Sir, would you mind being interviewed? What is your connection to the PTA at the monster x human school?”</p>
<p>“I’m Sans. Sans the skeleton,” Sans said. “And I’m a member of the PTA.”</p>
<p>“ROOOOOOOOOOLL CREDITS!” A woman in a pink #2 Sister T-shirt popped her head through the doorway to the meeting room before retreating just as quickly.</p>
<p>“Who was that?” Katie asked.</p>
<p>“Just The Author. Don’t mind her; she’s not playing a serious role in the chapter today.”</p>
<p>“Chapter...?” Katie shook her head and returned to reporter mode. “Sans, as a member of the monster x human PTA, do you feel Mr. Otto’s grade was fair?”</p>
<p>“Hey, a B+ is a passing grade. Still,” he glanced at Otto. “I feel like maybe there’s a little monster hate in this particular branch of the government.”</p>
<p>“How so?” Katie prompted.</p>
<p>“Well, as Otto said, there’s a lot of tension between humans and monsters right now, and I’m not saying the PTA is free from that, either. A few of the human parents here still try to be exclusive of monster practices and some monster parents are still wary of humans. But, since there’s so much attention on the success of this school, we get a lot of funding from the government, namely the PTA Supervision branch. Unfortunately, most of that funding use is decided on by said branch, so we get a lot of ‘monster minded’ purchases for the school.”</p>
<p>“Can you please elaborate?” Katie asked.</p>
<p>“I thought this was supposed to be my interview...” Otto muttered. Katie ignored him.</p>
<p>“I remember a year or two back that the school was given funding in the form of towels.”</p>
<p>“...Towels?” Katie asked.</p>
<p>Sans nodded. “Apparently, the government thought the monsters would leave behind a residue, so the towels were to wipe up the school and for monsters to use for themselves. The PTA’s been doing their own fundraisers to pay for things the school actually needs.”</p>
<p>“I see,” Katie nodded. She looked up to see a blond woman standing a few feet away. It appeared as though she had been walking to the PTA meeting room and was waiting for the interviewer to leave. Katie jumped at the chance. “Excuse me, miss! Would you mind doing a group interview?”</p>
<p>“Hey, Linda,” Sans said, waving slightly. Linda slowly walked up to the reporter.</p>
<p>“I. um, haven’t prepared to speak,” she said tensely.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, ma’am, this will be very straightforward.” Katie held the mike up to Linda. “Would you tell us your connection to the school PTA?”</p>
<p>“Actually, I’m a member of the PTA.”</p>
<p>The Author popped her head back through the door way. “I never knew I wanted this day to come, but now that it has, I’m quite pleased! ROLL CREDITS AGAIN!” She disappeared again from the doorway.</p>
<p>“...Okay, anyway,” Katie smiled at Linda. “Linda, what’s your opinion on the grade the monster x human PTA got from the PTA Supervision team?”</p>
<p>Linda thought for a moment. “Wasn’t that grade from a few years ago? I feel like we should have gotten a new grade at some point, to better reflect the current PTA.”</p>
<p>Katie nodded, and then held the mike to Otto. “What do you have to say about this, sir?”</p>
<p>“Um, w-well—“ Otto sweated for a bit, then lowered his head. “I’ll... ask my PTA Supervision Supervisor about a possible second grading.”</p>
<p>“Very good to hear,” Katie returned to Linda. “Now, Linda, how would you describe your relationship with the other members of the PTA, monster and human?”</p>
<p>Linda was quiet for a moment. “I’m... not actually that popular among the other parents. I have a few friends, of course, and I participate in every event I can for my son, but I guess it’s just not enough.”</p>
<p>“Don’t forget your occasional monster racism. She’s getting better though,” Sans said before Linda could protest. “Some of her friends are actually monsters now. Or two of them are, at least.”</p>
<p>“Who are these two monster friends, Linda?” Katie asked.</p>
<p>“Papyrus the skeleton and Asgore Dreemurr,” Linda replied quickly. “Though everyone likes Papyrus, so that might not count.”</p>
<p>“Hey, it matters to my bro,” Sans smiled, a slightly more genuine one.</p>
<p>“Isn’t Asgore Dreemurr the ex-king of monsters?” Katie asked.</p>
<p>“His ambassador goes to this school,” Linda replied. “He doesn’t come often, but he brings this wonderful tea with him when he does.”</p>
<p>“That’s lovely to hear,” Katie smiled and turned to the camera. “Well, Alfred and viewers, there may be some issues to work out for this school, funding and relation wise, but I think this is a good sign that monsters and humans are on their way to getting along for the future and their children. Back to you, Alfred.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #41: Sans, as in Undertale, is at least partially aware of the fact that he’s a character in a fanfiction. The only difference here is that he knows who the “player” is (The Author), and the story is mostly moving forward, with only the occasional change to previous chapters.<br/>-<br/>Now here's some notes about the characters today:<br/>Alfred Deanston and Katie Messer get along well, but just as friends. Alfred has a wife and son that goes to a fully human school a couple miles away from the monster x human school, and Katie is a bisexual colored woman who's closeted to most people. She's told a few close family members (who support her) and Alfred, who also supports her, hence their good friendship.<br/>Linda has been dropping in popularity for a long time, even before the monsters came to the surface. She wasn't that popular among her old PTA because of her need to be in control of everything; she's not popular among monster parents and teachers because of her occasional racism; and now she's not even that popular with human parents and staff because of her slowly becoming accepting of monsters. She's always wanted the perfect life, but after three divorces and not succeeding much after college, she's kind of lost hope for such a thing. But, as Sans said, she's getting better, and the few friends she has are very good for her.<br/>-<br/>The next one is a Thanksgiving chapter, because it was that season when I wrote it. Anyway, I'll see you all later. Until then.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. A Historically Accurate Thanksgiving (Or Not)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The story behind this one is that it was Thanksgiving and that's it. Not a particularly interesting one, but the next one should be a little more so. See you at the bottom of the page.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bee-dede-dee-de-bee-dede-dee-de! Dee-debedebede-bee!</p>
<p>“Alright everyone! Gather round!” Flowey called. In the teacher’s lounge, the parents and teachers who had been hanging around the snack table and eating Undyne’s tea cookies, for fear of what would happen if no one did, returned to their seats.</p>
<p>Undyne had her feet on the coffee table and her arms behind her head in true anime hero fashion. Alphys sat next to her and sweated apologetically at the humans who eyed Undyne’s behavior disapprovingly.</p>
<p>Flowey opened the folder next to him. “Okay, I know this is sure to spark some sort of headache-inducing argument, but here’s the main thing we have to decide today: a Thanksgiving play before break starts. Any ideas for what we should do?” Linda raised her hand. “I’m going to regret this,” Flowey muttered. “Yes, Linda?”</p>
<p>“When I was a child,” Linda began, “we would put on a play recreating the first Thanksgiving. I think we should do that at this school, too.” There were some murmurs of agreement from both humans and monsters. “I think the human students should be the pilgrims and the monsters should be the natives.” Fewer murmurs of agreement.</p>
<p>“...Why?” Flowey asked.</p>
<p>Linda faltered. “Oh, well, you know...”</p>
<p>“I don’t, actually.”</p>
<p>“Um—“</p>
<p>“Hang on...” Undyne swung her legs off the table and set her hands on her hips. “This reminds me of that one movie Alphys and I watched a month ago... what was it called again, hon?”</p>
<p>“T-the Addams Family?” Alphys offered.</p>
<p>“Yeah, that one. The only reason I bring it up is because they did something similar to this in the climax. All the ‘good’ children played the pilgrims and all the ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ children played the natives. You wanna know how that ended, punk?” She flashed a toothy grin and Linda flinched. “The ‘bad’ kids set the stage on fire and took over the show. It was actually kinda epic!”</p>
<p>“How horrid...” Linda muttered, and Undyne stopped grinning.</p>
<p>“Anyway, my point is, I think you’re trying to do the same thing here; making the ‘good’ humans, pilgrims and ‘bad’ monsters, natives. That’s not very fair.”</p>
<p>“What’s wrong with being a native?” Helen wondered aloud, trying to bite through her lemon square without making it look like she was trying.</p>
<p>“N-n-nothing, of course” Alphys pushed her glasses up her snout. “But I think what Undyne is trying to say is, is that the students shouldn’t be limited to a role based on their race. We should let them choose which role to play and audition for it themselves. A-also, there’s the issue of the accuracy of this play you’re proposing, Linda.”</p>
<p>“It’s not supposed to be completely accurate; it’s just to show the children the basic facts of the first Thanksgiving,” Linda said and tossed her blond hair over her shoulder.</p>
<p>“That’s another thing, actually,” Alphys said. “According to some college text books Dr. Gaster showed me, the arrival of Europeans to what would eventually become the United States had the same or even more adverse effects for the natives than benefits.”</p>
<p>“Oh. My. Stars. GUYS!” Flowey shouted. Everyone looked at him. “This is an <em>elementary school play</em>. If we can’t agree on a play for the kids, then I’ll eat Helen’s lemon squares and shoot them out of my mouth at you all like a cannon ball.”</p>
<p>“Hey!” Helen protested through a mouthful of lemon square.</p>
<p>“I could use some dodging practice.” Undyne cricked her neck and grinned.</p>
<p>“Alright, fine!” Linda snapped. “Let’s do it your way, then: humans as the natives and monsters as the pilgrims—“</p>
<p>“Y-you’re missing the point!” Alphys said in exasperation. “We need to let the students decide what role they want to play! A melting pot, like this country is <em>supposed</em> to be?”</p>
<p>“Well...” Linda hesitated, and then sighed. “Fine. I suppose you’ll want to be in charge of writing the script?”</p>
<p>Alphys shrank in on herself. “O-oh, I’m not a very good playwright, but Mettaton would know what to do.”</p>
<p>“You have a point, Al,” Undyne said. “I don’t really care for the guy, but he has a way with scripts.”</p>
<p>“Great,” Flowey said as he wrote something down in his folder. “When should auditions be?”</p>
<p>“Break starts in two weeks,” Linda said. “We should probably send out flyers tomorrow or over the weekend to give the students time to practice for the role they want to play.”</p>
<p>“Good, good, I like that,” Flowey nodded and continued to write. “What day do we want to start rehearsal?”</p>
<p>“Probably as soon as auditions are over,” Gloria offered.</p>
<p>“Mm-hm. Hey, Gloria, maybe you could help Robobo with staging and directions?” Gloria nodded, and Flowey wrote something else down. “Okay, here’s what we got: A script co-written by Robobo and Gloria, an evenly divided judging group of monsters and humans for auditions, and a premier date of the second to last day before break. Does that sound good?” Everyone murmured their agreements, and Flowey snapped the folder shut. “Awesome, I’ll get the PTA president to approve this, and then I’ll ask my mom to drive me to Robobo’s office for his help. He’ll probably say yes, but apparently it’s better to ask. Meeting dismissed.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #42: Alphys is a scientist, but given the limited knowledge monsters have of more recent human holidays (such as Thanksgiving, which has only been around for a few centuries, long after the monsters were sealed underground), Alphys is doing her best to learn and share as much as she can about human events to better assimilate monsters and humans together. It works the opposite way, too: Alphys learns as much as she can about monster holidays to share with humans.<br/>-<br/>I imagine Mettaton would get along pretty well with Gloria. Two dancers, trying to enjoy their art, and getting some success, to boot. Of course, Mettaton agreed to co-write and choreograph the play, what with him being a patron of the school and all.<br/>-<br/>The next one should be much more interesting than this one. Instead of PTA shenanigans, we'll be looking at some in-school shenanigans. And by shenanigans, I mean hurt/comfort. Let that sizzle in your brain for another 24 hours. I'll see you later. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Why, Ms. Toriel, Why?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just making this clear: I'm not sick, and no one that I'm close is sick with this as far as I know, but this was kind of based on something that happened when I was younger. Also, the title is a reference to "Why, Charlie Brown, Why?", so that should give you a hint on what's about to go down. See you at the bottom of the page.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rose fastened her cap on her head and followed the other students outside for recess. Most of the students ignored her, but a few were eyeing her warily. She knew why.</p>
<p>Her hands moved automatically to brush at a strand of hair, but there was no hair to touch. She realized this halfway through her motion, and quickly put her hand down. She was sure someone noticed.</p>
<p>Rose shook her head. This was recess, the best part of the day! Or it used to be, at least. She spotted Sam tossing a basketball back and forth with Hunter, and she meandered up to them.</p>
<p>“Hi,” she said quietly, pretending she didn’t notice them flinching. “Can I play with you guys?”</p>
<p>Sam and Hunter looked at each other for a minute before returning their gaze to Rose. “…No, sorry,” Sam said at last. “My mom says I shouldn’t play with you until you get better.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, my mom said the same thing,” Hunter agreed.</p>
<p>Rose’s shoulder’s slumped. “Oh… okay.”</p>
<p>“Feel better,” Sam called as Rose walked away.</p>
<p>Rose noticed that the other kids were acting like they weren’t looking at her, but she could tell they were looking at her from the corners of their eyes. She could also make a guess at what they were thinking:</p>
<p>
  <em>There goes Rose, she has the C-word.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m glad I’m not her.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>My parents know what’s best, so I’ll stay away from her like they told me.</em>
</p>
<p>Rose began to break into a run, though her energy didn’t last long. She managed to slip behind a tree before the coughing began. She hunched over and coughed noisily, probably loud enough for everyone to hear her, but she was so out of breath that she couldn’t care. After a minute of it, she took a few deep breaths and sat down under the tree.</p>
<p>“My child, are you alright?” A voice said above Rose. She looked up and saw her teacher, Ms. Toriel, standing over her with a concerned look on her face.</p>
<p>Without thinking, Rose grabbed Ms. Toriel’s skirt and began to cry. “Why, Ms. Toriel, why?” She managed.</p>
<p>Ms. Toriel immediately knelt down and hugged the young human. Rose took a few deep breaths and peeked up at her teacher. “Why are you touching me?” She asked. “Aren’t you worried you’ll get sick?”</p>
<p>Ms. Toriel shook her head and smiled sadly at Rose. “My child, I know for a fact that cancer is not contagious. Dr. Alphys and Dr. Gaster have taught me that well.”</p>
<p>Rose let go of Ms. Toriel’s skirt and lightly thumped her head against the tree. “My mom thinks it is, and told everyone.”</p>
<p>Ms. Toriel frowned. “Janice…” she muttered, before shaking her head and looking at Rose again. “My child, would you like to help me with an impromptu lesson for the class today?”</p>
<p>Rose looked up. “Weren’t we supposed to have a test?”</p>
<p>“Yes, but I believe this lesson will be more important than any test I could give. Would you like to help me?”</p>
<p>Rose pondered for a moment, then nodded.</p>
<p>“Very good, my child,” Ms. Toriel said with a smile. “Recess is almost over. Let’s go inside a bit early to prepare.”</p>
<p>*Ten Minutes Later*</p>
<p>Ms. Toriel lead everyone in a single file line back into the classroom. “I hope you all had fun,” she said as she stood at the front of the room. Rose was already in her seat, looking nervous. There was a murmur of kids responding to Ms. Toriel or talking amongst themselves. Once everyone was seated, she cleared her throat. “Now, everyone, I am sure you are all aware that we were supposed to have a test today…”</p>
<p>Everyone groaned.</p>
<p>“But I have decided to push it to next Monday. That will give you the whole weekend to study and prepare.”</p>
<p>Cheers.</p>
<p>“So, instead of a test, we are going to have a lesson in something I think is very important to learn. Rose, if you would come up, please?”</p>
<p>Everyone watched as Rose stood and walked up to Ms. Toriel. She put a hand on the girl’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“Hi,” Rose waved shyly at the class. A few students waved back.</p>
<p>“I am sure some of you have guessed,” Ms. Toriel began, “but today’s lesson is about cancer. Rose, why don’t you tell us a bit about yourself?”</p>
<p>“…Hi…” Rose said again. “I’m Rose, and I have lung cancer.”</p>
<p>Some of the students looked at each other and whispered. Ms. Toriel gently shushed them and gestured for Rose to go on.</p>
<p>“Um… I got cancer a few months back, and I’m taking a medicine thing called, um—Kee-mo-therapy?”</p>
<p>“Chemotherapy, yes, my child.”</p>
<p>“And one of the side effects is that my hair falls out.” Rose pulled her cap tighter on her head. “I don’t have to show them, do I?”</p>
<p>“No, my child, if it makes you uncomfortable.”</p>
<p>Rose sighed in relief. “So, uh, the doctors said that they caught my cancer early enough that they can get rid of it in a year or two. I should be healthy by then, but…” she began to sniffle. “I-it’s just so mean that no one wants to be near me, and—and—”</p>
<p>Ms. Toriel gently wrapped the human girl in a hug. The students looked at each other, unsure of what to do. After Rose calmed down a bit, Sam stood up and walked up to her. “Hey, Rose,” he said. “Sorry I wouldn’t play with you for a while… can I give you a hug?”</p>
<p>Rose gasped and nodded happily. They put their arms around each other and the class applauded, Ms. Toriel included.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #42: Since monsters are made of dust and magic, they don’t have enough physicality to get cancer. The closest thing would probably be a corruption of magic on the inside, though that rarely happens since monsters are at a relative peace with the humans at this time.<br/>-<br/>So, this is Rose, Janice and Pete's daughter, and Nate's younger sister. I imagine her to have tan skin and brown eyes, and at some point she had long and curly dark hair like her mother. Janice's love for Rose is... odd. Some may say nonexistent, others would say their relationship is more one of obligation than anything else. Why is it like this? I can't be really sure, sometimes that's just how it is. I imagine Pete does a lot of the heavy lifting of parenthood behind closed doors, while Janice only acts something like a mother for the public eye. Janice is more neglectful than straight up abusive, but not to the point that she wouldn't get Rose cancer treatment.<br/>-<br/>I feel like this story should ask as an important reminder to people-- including myself--that people with cancer are just that: people, and should be treated like everyone else. Anyway, I'll be going now. See you all later. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Penny for your Wisdom (Teeth)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>AKA I had my wisdom teeth removed last winter and I decided to write about it once I wasn't chair ridden. I distinctly remember wanting to chew, but not really being able to. Anyway, enjoy.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Aichmophobia?” Linda repeated.</p>
<p>Dr. Gaster nodded and signed the word for “needle”. “It is a fear of sharp objects, which includes but is not limited to needles. It seems you fit this category, like many other humans and monsters.”</p>
<p>“Monsters get shots?”</p>
<p>“They do now. Back in the Underground, there were only so many diseases that would evolve and need treatment, but now that we’re on the surface, there are new illnesses to defend against. And I know,” Gaster held up an extra hand to stop Linda from speaking, “I know you don’t exactly believe in vaccines, but that’s just one thing we’re going to have to disagree on.”</p>
<p>Linda huffed and leaned back in the dentist chair. Dr. Gaster settled into a blob that vaguely resembled someone sitting in a chair. It was almost time for Linda to get her wisdom teeth removed, and the mother had been surprised to see the void grandpa in the office as well. He was there for two reasons: one, he had been hoping to observe human medical procedures at some point, and two: he was simply there based on the whims of the void. It seemed the void sensed Linda would need someone to talk to that day, and Linda had agreed to let Dr. Gaster watch her extraction as long as he didn’t, quote, “get monster goop in her mouth” unquote.</p>
<p>Linda crossed her arms. “I certainly don’t want to feel the pain of tooth removal, but I just... don’t want a needle in my mouth. Is that too much to ask? Why can’t I get amnesia for my whole body so I’m not awake during the procedure?”</p>
<p>“Anesthesia,” the void doctor corrected, “and I believe it is because that would be more expensive and time consuming. Aside from your whole mouth being numb, you should be able to go about your day normally afterwards. A few shots in the mouth are a small price to pay for efficiency.” Linda was quiet for a moment. Dr. Gaster leaned forward slightly. “Penny for your wisdom?”</p>
<p>“Thoughts,” Linda corrected absently, “penny for your thoughts. I guess... I’m wondering if I’ll be able to take care of Sam while I’m recovering. I’m worried I won’t be able to cook proper meals for him so he and I can stay healthy.”</p>
<p>Dr. Gaster thought for a moment. “Perhaps you could stay with a friend?”</p>
<p>“Who?” Linda said. “Helen and Janice’s houses are barely big enough for their families, and Gloria would never let me in her house, and...” she paused. “Well... that’s it, really.”</p>
<p>“What about Frisk’s house?”</p>
<p>Linda looked up. “A monster’s house?”</p>
<p>“Now Linda,” the void doctor chided, “just because it’s a monster house doesn’t mean it’s a bad house... unless you’re playing Pokémon Mystery Dungeon; then they’re always bad.”</p>
<p>“Poke-a-what?”</p>
<p>“Please pay attention to the games you buy your child. Anyway, my point is: perhaps you should give their family a chance? Ms. Toriel can help cook while you recover, and I’m sure she’d be willing to look after you and your child after surgery. Of course, you must ask first, but I’m sure she’d be willing to help a fellow mother. Perhaps I could call her and ask for you?”</p>
<p>Linda thought for a moment. “Oh... why not?” She threw up her hands. “I suppose it couldn’t hurt to ask.”</p>
<p>Gaster gave a droopy smile. “I think that’s a good idea.”</p>
<p>A doctor in scrubs came into the room. “Ms. Linda? We’re ready.” He nodded at Dr. Gaster. “Are you willing to let this man observe your surgery?” Linda nodded. “Very good. Let’s begin...”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #43: After arriving on the surface, monsters faced a myriad of new diseases (and vice versa for humans), which has led to new vaccines (and a discovery of a fear of needles).<br/>-<br/>I myself was on a sedative medicine when I got my wisdom teeth removed, so I don't remember much about what happened. I remember a fuzzy gray blanket... and then throwing up all over it.<br/>-<br/>I also felt that it would be good to have Linda and Gaster have some friend time together. The void felt the same way, it seems. Since Gaster was in the void for so long (how exactly he got out, I'm not sure), the void has become something of a second conscious in him, in that it can slightly (or greatly, depending on Gaster's mental/emotional state) influence what he does. Today, the void more or less told him to go to Linda's dentistry and be a source of relative comfort. Gaster agreed. Think of the end of Layton Brother's Mystery Room, except less noticeable. Also play that game; it's /so/ worth it.<br/>-<br/>Anyway, I'll see you all later. I'm going to be going to be "heading" back to to college this Wednesday, by which I mean I'll be staying home and taking online classes, so I'll try to finish posting all of these by then. After that, you'll have to wait patiently until I eventually update this with a freshly-baked chapter. I'm thinking something for the anniversary, though I don't know what the topic will be yet. I might be willing to look at some POLITELY REQUESTED suggestions, but I make no guarantees. I'll catch you soon. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Why-Eating Contest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>AKA I was bored and decided to write something. Muffet, Grillby, and Frisk will be making an appearance today, so hurrah for all that. See you at the bottom of the page.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s rarely a fun day when Flowey, the head of the PTA, shows up at meetings, but it’s also rarely fun when he doesn’t.</p>
<p>Muffet glanced at Grillby, who was as stoic as ever. She could sense he was near his breaking point, though. “It’s two against one, dearie,” she said to Linda. “A pie eating contest at the Spring Festival wouldn’t be fair to monsters.”</p>
<p>Linda pinched her brow. “And why is that?”</p>
<p>“Monsters can’t eat more than their magic demands. Think of it as a health bar, like in a video game. You can’t keep healing if you’re full on health. Besides, the pies <em>you</em> want to serve at the contest are human food, which monsters on full ‘health’ would have an even harder time with eating. We vote that we hold a different kind of contest for everyone to participate in. A baking contest, for example.” Muffet started fanning herself with three of her hands because Grillby was growing hotter and hotter. If this didn’t wrap up soon, she might catch fire. Then who would take care of her bakery and spider friends?</p>
<p>“The monsters don’t have to participate in the pie eating contest—” Linda was cut short when she noticed smoke coming from Grillby’s head. “Tell your co-treasurer to control himself, Muffet!”</p>
<p>“Only when you control your tongue, <em>Linda</em>—”</p>
<p>*CLAP* CLAP*</p>
<p>The three PTA members turned to the back of the meeting room where some of the children who had to come with their parents were playing. One child was standing near the edge of the “play corner” and making their way to the table.</p>
<p>“Frisk, we’re in the middle of a grownup conversation, so if you don’t mind—” Linda stopped when Frisk started signing.</p>
<p>“They said they’d like to assist with our discussion. You seem to keep forgetting they have a ‘grownup’ job, Linda.” Muffet slowed her fanning. Frisk’s presence seemed to have calmed Grillby somewhat.</p>
<p>Muffet waited for Frisk to continue. “They think that they’ve mediated enough government arguments that a PTA discussion shouldn’t be a problem.”</p>
<p>“Please,” Grillby said quietly.</p>
<p>Linda looked between the three of them before sighing. “Fine, I give in. Mediate us, Frisk.”</p>
<p>Frisk nodded and pulled out a coin. They showed the heads side to the monster pair and the tails to the human. They flipped the coin, looked at it, then pointed to Linda.</p>
<p>“Alright, thank you, Frisk.” Linda adjusted her white blouse and straightened in her seat. “I would like for the Spring Festival this year to have a pie eating contest. From what I’ve seen on TV, they’re a very energizing event for watchers and contestants. Of course, I would be making gluten free organic blueberry pies for the contest. I… accidentally bought some blueberries in bulk.”</p>
<p>“How do you buy that many blueberries on accident…?” Muffet wondered aloud.</p>
<p>“Because I was trying to shop online and the organic blueberries were fairly cheap that day!”</p>
<p>Frisk held up their hands in an easing motion. Everyone took a breath to calm down. Grillby sent a puff of smoke into the air, but not enough to set off the fire alarm. Frisk turned to Linda again and made a “go on” motion.</p>
<p>“I just think the Festival needs some exciting event that would make people want to go. It works in the movies, so… that’s my argument.”</p>
<p>“A flimsy argument…” Muffet mumbled. Frisk snapped in her direction and wagged a finger before turning to Linda again. They nodded in contemplation, thinking through Linda’s argument, then turned to the spider and fire monsters and signaled them to begin.</p>
<p>“As the treasurers,” Muffet began, “Grillby and I believe that the money that would go to the pie eating contest could be used in better ways, and be replaced with a cheaper yet still exciting contest. We could hold a baking competition, where monsters and humans bring baked goods for judges to try, then afterwards sell the remains of those baked goods to the festival-goers. Meanwhile, the money for the pie eating contest would go to things like replacing old equipment being used for festival games, like that dunk booth with the broken target. Besides, there’s the issue of monsters not being able to compete with the humans if we <em>do</em> hold a pie eating contest.”</p>
<p>Frisk nodded again, then began to sign, Muffet translating: “Okay. Both sides have made good arguments. Linda, your idea <em>would</em> be kind of exciting, but given that we’re in a monster x human school, having a contest with only human contestants wouldn’t be very fair. On the other hand, Muffet and Grillby, your idea would be fair to monsters and humans, but for students this young, it wouldn’t be a very exciting contest. Here’s my idea: Linda is put in charge of baking blueberry pies with all the blueberries she bought for a pie eating contest, thus saving money that would otherwise have to be spent on store bought pies. My mom can also make magic blueberry pies that could be given to monster contenders. Meanwhile, Grillby and Muffet can organize the baking contest and use the extra money to replace the broken equipment. How does that sound?”</p>
<p>The three adults looked at each other. The other parents and teachers were watching, but knew this wasn’t something to interrupt. “…I can work with this,” Linda finally said.</p>
<p>Muffet started to nod, glancing again at the fire monster.</p>
<p>“…Deal,” he finally said.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #44: Grillby knows sign language, but he mostly communicates through single words and gestures. Monsters can sense his mood, and humans can learn to do it too if they spend enough time with him, like Gloria.<br/>-<br/>I figured that if Frisk is the ambassador to humans and monsters, then they should use their skills outside of the office. Thus, they were given a chance to shine today.<br/>-<br/>I imagine that Grillby has his restaraunt, Grillby's Up Top, and Muffet now owns her own bakery, name pending. This would make them slightly competitive with each other to be the most famous monster eatery, but theirs is a friendly rivalry, and they're both willing to give the other tips on how to garner more customers. They're not really trying to be super competitive, since they're very different kinds of eateries: a pub/bar vs. a bakery/cafe. It's all in good fun.<br/>-<br/>The next one is a bit more serious in tone, by which I mean a lot more serious. I'll save explanations for when it comes out, probably tomorrow. It's pretty heavy, so if you want to skip it, wait a day or two. I'll see you tomorrow. Until then.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. How to Mourn a Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warnings for death and suicide mentions. I'll explain more in the end note.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Frisk sat next to The Author. She was wearing her light pink #2 Sister shirt, as always, though now it was accompanied by a black coat and gloves. She rarely smiled anyway, but she definitely wasn’t smiling now.</p>
<p>Frisk equipped the purple notebook they had found in the Underground and wrote something with a red pen, then passed it over to her. It read: “Are you okay?”</p>
<p>The Author read this silently, then sighed. “I honestly don’t know,” she replied.</p>
<p>Frisk took back the notebook and wrote something else: “Do you want to talk about it?”</p>
<p>The Author thought for a moment. “Sure,” she nodded, “It hasn’t made me feel much before, so what’s the harm?”</p>
<p><em>Uh-oh,</em> Frisk thought. That sounded a lot like a certain flower they could mention by name. They noticed The Author was staring off to the front wall of the classroom. They had noticed her there on the way back to the PTA meeting room from the bathroom (rather than gendered bathrooms, the school had been constructed with multiple single stall bathrooms scattered throughout the building). She looked neutral, yet a bit sad. Neu-sad?</p>
<p>“…Where should I start?” She finally asked, turning back to the ambassador.</p>
<p>“Not counting previous bouts of sadness, what’s troubling you?” Frisk wrote.</p>
<p>“Well…” The Author shifted in her seat. “Back at the end of December, my cat—we’ll call her The Cat, for privacy reasons—came down with an upper respiratory infection, and when we took her to the doctor, they said she also had a scratch on her eye from rubbing her face so often and would need to wear a cone for a while. Since it was the end of December, I had to go back to college a few days later, so the last I saw of her before I left was her in pain.”</p>
<p>“Did she get better?”</p>
<p>“Relatively speaking. She got the okay to have the cone taken off after a week or two, but… she wasn’t really the same. She wasn’t going in the litterbox all the way; she was hungrier than usual and losing weight... Then, February 14 rolled around, and my parents and my little sister, The Deviant, came by my school to drop off some medicine I needed, and Mom dropped the news: The Cat had kidney disease and was going blind. She wouldn’t get better. She had to be put down. The next day.” The Author gazed at the wall again. She seemed calm, but her tone was less so.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Frisk signed, then squeezed her hand. The Author squeezed back and smiled sadly, even if she wasn’t entirely positive of what they said.</p>
<p>“When I found out, sure, I was shocked and I cried a little… but I didn’t feel as strongly as I thought I would have at the news. My little sister seemed more torn up about it, visibly. So we went home and spent as much time with her as we could, taking pictures and videos and petting her and stuff… Then Saturday, February 15, 2020 came, and at five PM we drove to the doctor and… put her to sleep. Again, I cried… but not that much, considering how much weight I had put on the idea of her being gone. We took her home in the little box they gave us, and Dad spent the night building another box for her. ‘Over-engineering it’, as Mom put it. Then Sunday, around one PM, we buried her. And I didn’t cry at all.”</p>
<p>Frisk hummed, then wrote again: “why had you put so much thought into her death?”</p>
<p>“To be honest, we kind of saw this coming. She was an old girl, about fourteen, and during January before she really went downhill, Mom would text me about how she couldn’t reach the litter box as often and was possibly getting kitty dementia. So I knew it would probably happen soon, but… not that soon. And, um, to tell you the truth, Frisk… I put a little bit of thought into what I’d do to myself after she died.”</p>
<p>They got out of their chair and hugged her. The Author put a hand on Frisk’s arm, but didn’t hug back. “I’m not going to do anything. I promised Devi I wouldn’t, and once The Cat was gone, I realized I didn’t feel broken up enough to warrant trying anything. I think that’s kind of what’s been getting at me. I’m not feeling a lot. I don’t know if I’m feeling enough. I don’t know if I’m feeling at all.”</p>
<p>Frisk looked up at her, and she tensely looked back. Her face was neutral, but her eyes were a bit shiny. They snapped their fingers suddenly, startling her, and wrote down one word: “laptop”.</p>
<p>“…What?” The Author looked confused.</p>
<p>They wrote again: “I need your laptop. Can I borrow it, please?”</p>
<p>“Um, sure, I guess… I was going to try to do some homework in a bit, but it can wait. I have all weekend.” She handed them the laptop from her backpack after turning it on and letting the screen load.</p>
<p>They opened the internet and did a quick search, clicking a few links before beginning to type.</p>
<p>“What are you writing?” She asked. They didn’t respond, giving her a small glance every so often. After a few minutes, they nodded and clicked a button. A robot voice began to speak, more clearly than most sites The Author knew of.</p>
<p>It said: “When Asriel and Chara died, Mom and Asgore were very upset, but they showed it in different ways. Asgore bottled up his feelings and declared a war, and Mom ran away from that war. They were both mourning, but they didn’t do it the same way. Sans is always afraid something will take away his happy ending on the surface and everyone he loves. You might not know it, but it makes him very scared and sad. He hides it with a smile and jokes. In a way, he’s mourning, but he’s doing it differently from Mom and Asgore. And Flowey doesn’t have a soul and lost his best friend. Even if he claims he can’t feel anything, I know he misses them and mourns them; he just does it in a different way. There isn’t a correct way to mourn; you have to do what’s right for you, even if it doesn’t involve crying. Even numbness can be a part of mourning.”</p>
<p>The Author stared at the words on the screen as the voice stopped, eyes getting just a little bit wetter. She blinked and looked up as Frisk began writing something in their notebook again: “Did you love her?”</p>
<p>“What kind of question is that?” She asked, a slight hint of indignance in her voice. “Of course I did, I just—”</p>
<p>Frisk was writing again: “Do you love your family?”</p>
<p>“…Yes?” She replied slowly, starting to see where this was going.</p>
<p>“And do you love your friends?”</p>
<p>“Well, I don’t have a lot, but I do care about the ones I have…”</p>
<p>“Then there you go. If you love her and anyone else you lose, then that’s all you need to say your sad.”</p>
<p>“But I’m not sad!” The Author said a little louder. “That’s the problem; I can’t feel anything, just that I’m numb and I miss her!” Frisk huffed. “…Sorry,” The Author said quietly.</p>
<p>They patted her hand, then began to write again: “You said you have pictures of her?”</p>
<p>She blinked and nodded. “Yeah, on my phone; I’ll show you.” She pulled out her phone and tapped at the screen a bit, then tapped a picture and set the phone in front of Frisk at the table the two of them sat at. She was a small, black and white tuxedo, with big green eyes and a little white half-a-mustache under her black nose. The fur on her ears was thin, a mark of ear mites at a much earlier age. She was sitting on The Author’s lap, either looking up at the screen or off at a wall. There was also a video or two of her being pet. Frisk reached the last picture and handed the phone back to The Author. “My pretty little baby…” she said longingly. She jumped slightly when Frisk nudged her with their notebook.</p>
<p>“Please talk to someone about your feelings.”</p>
<p>“I am,” The Author said, “I’ve been seeing my counselor at college, and I’ll probably talk about it with my psychiatrist and psychologist when I see them again. And there’s you, of course.”</p>
<p>Frisk smiled and nodded. “Of course,” they wrote.</p>
<p>“Thanks, Frisk…” The Author slowly returned her gaze to the front of the room.</p>
<p>“Come get some snacks! Mom bought her famous butterscotch cinnamon pie~!”</p>
<p>“I <em>have </em>always wanted to try that pie…” The Author put a hand to her stomach. “Okay, sure. My homework can wait.” Frisk hopped out of their seat and tugged The Author’s hand excitedly as they pulled her out of her seat and hurried to the open door. “Okay, okay, you don’t need to drag me… but we can hold hands, if you want…” she said this more quietly, though Frisk heard her and smiled up at her. Together, they walked to the PTA meeting room.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #45: The Author is a generally known entity to most in the world of the story, given her status as the writer of said story. Some know her fairly well and have generally nice feelings about her while others know of her, but not all that much (See Katie Messer from chapter 34). Either way, most people don’t see her very often outside of the chapters, since when she’s writing is the only time she can truly be in the world.<br/>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #46: The Cat is curled up on a warm and cozy bed next to another cat, who we will call Flag-waver, which is a synonym of his real name. Flag-waver was The Author’s mom’s mother’s cat, a fluffy black cat with a white spot on his belly and a little more attitude.<br/>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #47: The fallen humans, Frisk and Chara included, had at least one item in their inventory that matched their soul’s color, at one point or another in Frisk’s case. Chara had the red heart locket, Patience had a cyan toy knife (see Mad Dummy’s gift to Nate from Chapter 9), Bravery had an orange pair of tough gloves and a manly bandana, Integrity had a dark blue tutu and slippers, Perseverance had a purple notebook, Kindness had an apron with a green heart on it, Justice had a cowboy hat with a yellow star on it, and Frisk had a red Band-Aid at the beginning of the game. These humans would also choose to write in their soul color (hence Frisk writing in red; different shades for them and Chara).<br/>-<br/>So... yeah. It's been a while since I wrote this. I felt the need to express myself, and since writing is one of my only skills, I chose to write. Again, I'm not planning to try anything; at this point it doesn't feel worth it. Also not trying to profit off of my cat's death. Just needed to put some feelings into a tangible place.<br/>-<br/>School starts up again for me tomorrow, but class isn't until 5:30 PM, so I'll probably have time to post the last chapter I've got ready until I go on hiatus from this story, at least until the anniversary of the game. It's another birthday one, post-quarantine (and there was much rejoicing). So I guess I'll see you tomorrow. Until then.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. Old-Timey AC Gamer has Virtual Birthday</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It was my birthday a few months ago, and in celebration of that and the release of Animal Crossing: New Horizons, I figured a virtual birthday chapter with the Undertale gang would be fun. This is very tangentially related to PTA stuff; honestly, it could have been its own story, but it's tradition at this point. See you at the bottom of the page.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Sea planes are cool and all, but I don’t think you can beat a train with cats and monkeys on it,” The Author continued into the microphone.</p>
<p>“W-well, yes, but consider that the sea plane is being flown by extinct birds! How often has <em>that</em> happened in this series?” Alphys offered.</p>
<p>“You’re kind of being a <em>dodo</em> yourself, Alphys. Remember Kapp’n?” A low voice chuckled at the pun.</p>
<p>“That’s a mythological animal, not an extinct one, Sans. You know that.”</p>
<p>“Not that it matters either way, he’s not in the game…”</p>
<p>“…YET,” the three said together, which was followed by a mix of light laughs and humored breaths.</p>
<p>“Seriously though, the train is clearly the coolest,” The Author said.</p>
<p>“SANS!” A voice cracked faintly from someone’s line, “Is it time for the dessert lesson yet?”</p>
<p>“Not yet, Paps,” Sans called. “We’re still setting up the connection for the game. Hey, Author, got the ingredients?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, though we don’t have a potato ricer, so we had to use a thing called a colander. Keep in mind I had no idea what these things were until today. Thank goodness we had one. It’s probably not going to end up looking right, though.”</p>
<p>“As l-long as it t-tastes right, i-it can’t be that much of a problem, can it?” Alphys asked.</p>
<p>“Well, since none of us have ever had this before, I don’t think we’ll be able to tell.”</p>
<p>There was a ding in the connection. “Hang on, I think that’s the kid. I’ll let them in… Knock knock.”</p>
<p>“Who is there?” An older woman’s voice asked.</p>
<p>“Alligator.”</p>
<p>“Alligator who?”</p>
<p>“<em>Alligator</em> was a birthday card. What did <em>you</em> get for The Author’s birthday?”</p>
<p>“SANS!” Papyrus yelled as Toriel burst out laughing. “Do not ruin The Author’s birthday with your terrible jokes!”</p>
<p>“It’s okay, Paps. We’ll save one for your birthday, too.”</p>
<p>“You better not!”</p>
<p>The Author laughed aloud as she curled up into an even tighter knot of limbs on the sofa in her living room. As it could probably be fairly easily inferred, it was her birthday today. Frisk had two weeks left until the end of grade tests at Ebott Elementary and had been given a weekend break from political-medical hodge-podges, so they decided to host their friends over to their Animal Crossing: New Horizons island to celebrate The Author’s birthday. The Author had never used the online function of the family Switch before, but after being guided along by the more tech-savy monsters, she was ready and willing. Her character finally stepped out of her house and pulled out her fishing pole. “Alright, I’m on.”</p>
<p>There was a light chorus of cheers. “Alright, Author, pick your outfit if you haven’t already and head to the airport. The kid’ll pull up the code.”</p>
<p>“Oh, may we wear an outfit, Frisk?” Toriel asked. “Oh, we are? Alright. Ah, yes; we look cute today!”</p>
<p>“On it.” The Author’s character stepped back into the house and opened the cherry wood wardrobe. “Okay, let’s try something I wouldn’t normally wear… oh, but I usually wear everything in here…”</p>
<p>“Just pick something!” Flowey’s voice whined, followed by a pause and a quiet hiss. “Don’t point at me like that, Frisk! You too, Mom!”</p>
<p>“It’s her birthday, you punk!” Undyne bellowed into Alphys’s microphone, making everyone cringe at the feedback. “It has to be something special and epic!”</p>
<p>“U-Undyne, you don’t have to shout…” Alphys said quietly.</p>
<p><em>Something special and epic…?</em> The Author pondered. “While I’m picking, let’s go over who’s here so we’re not missing anyone,” she said. “Sound good?” There was a murmur of agreement. “Okay, so there’s me, Alphys, Sans, Papyrus, Frisk, Toriel, Flowey, and Undyne on the phone, with me, Alphys, Sans, and Frisk’s characters actually on the game. We’ll be at Frisk’s island, and then we’ll all move to our real-life kitchens for the main party event after we hang around for an hour or so. Do I have it all right?”</p>
<p>“Yep,” Sans said. “Got your outfit picked out yet? Paps, come on, I thought you want to see this.”</p>
<p>“Um… yep!” The Author clicked the confirmation button and nodded at her selection. “On my way now. Frisk, do you have the code yet?”</p>
<p>“We’re sending it to the chat now,” Flowey said. “It’s 61115-31545.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” The Author entered the airport. “Okay, I’ll talk to the guy at the desk—”</p>
<p>“H-hold it, Author!” Alphys stuttered suddenly. “We need to get ready first! Frisk is almost done laying out the path for you to follow, and I still need to buy the--! Um, the thing.”</p>
<p>“Way to nearly ruin it, Dr. Dumb-Little,” Flowey jabbed.</p>
<p>“Flowey…” Toriel warned.</p>
<p>“Goodness, you’re sending me into a titter with all of this!” The Author said.</p>
<p>There was a pause. “O-okay, I’m ready n-now!” Alphys said. “You can enter the code now, Author.”</p>
<p>“Alrighty.” The Author entered the code into the prompt and waited while the dodo bird searched up the island on his computer. “Let’s hope the internet cooperates. Sometimes it’s kind of—oh, he found it. Okay, here I come!” Her character walked onto the plane, and the sound of an engine turning on hummed in her ears. After a minute of loading, she could see Frisk’s island below the plane. “’The temperature is… comfortable,’” she read aloud. “Is it ever anything but?”</p>
<p>“<em>I</em> certainly won’t find it comfortable when winter rolls around,” Alphys stated.</p>
<p>The Author’s character walked off the plane and into the terminal. She expected to hear someone say something, like maybe a “hey, here she is!” But nobody (er, no sound) came. She walked out of the airport and saw the trail Alphys said Frisk had laid out, but no Frisk. Or anyone, for that matter.</p>
<p>“…Guys?” She called. Faintly over the microphone crackling, she could hear quick breathing, like suppressed laughter. She wasn’t sure what to make of it, but the connection hadn’t sent her back home, so she couldn’t have been cut off, right? “Guess I’ll follow the path…” she said to herself.</p>
<p>The path was made up of designs on the ground that had a pixelated red heart on a black background, leading up to the top right of the map. The Author passed a villager’s house here and there along the way, but didn’t stop to see if anyone was home. After a minute, she was in front of a decently sized one-room house with a red roof, with the heart pattern surrounding the entrance. She opened the door and waited for the screen to load.</p>
<p>She walked into a vibrantly colored room with three human villager characters surrounding the front hall entrance. Upon her stepping into the room, all three popped some party poppers and began making cheering reactions.</p>
<p>“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AUTHOR!” Everyone called into the mic.</p>
<p>“Aw, guys!” She had her character make a shyness reaction.</p>
<p>Someone turned on the light and she walked to the middle and spun around.</p>
<p>“I don’t think I’ve seen that outfit at the tailor’s before,” Alphys commented. “It looks kind of like one of those lace up dresses, but in black.”</p>
<p>“It’s a design of my own, actually,” The Author admitted. “I came up with it before I knew there were similar kinds of dresses already in the game.”</p>
<p>The base model was the dress with short poofy sleeves and a skirt that reached the knees. It was black with silvery blue-ish ribbons on the skirt and sleeves. It was simple and not particularly detailed, but it was hers.</p>
<p>“It looks lovely, Author,” Toriel said kindly.</p>
<p>“And we’re not <em>ribbon</em>ing you on that,” Sans said.</p>
<p>“SANS!” Papyrus yelled much closer to the mic.</p>
<p>“It’s okay, Papyrus,” The Author said. “<em>Eis</em>-ee what he was trying to do.”</p>
<p>Another pause.</p>
<p>This pause was followed by an explosion of noise, including yelling, laughing, groaning, and further punning that couldn’t be made out over the cacophony. Frisk was spamming the laughing reaction until everyone calmed down.</p>
<p>“In all honesty, though,” The Author said once she could breathe again. “Maybe we should pass out the gifts so that we can get started on the desert…? If that’s okay, I mean.”</p>
<p>“Of course, Author!” Papyrus crowed. “With my mastery over spaghetti, this German desert should be a piece of… <em>lasagna?</em>”</p>
<p>The Author thought for a moment before gasping. “Oh, I get it! Because lasagna is like pasta cake, right?”</p>
<p>“Correct!”</p>
<p>“Well, then, lass uns Spaghettieis machen!”</p>
<p>“Ja!” Everyone cheered.</p>
<p>“Sausage!” Flowey yelled.</p>
<p>“Kein wurst, Herr Flowey,” The Author chided. “Es schmeckt nicht gut in Spaghettieis oder Normaleis.”</p>
<p>“I’m a flower; I don’t speak German!”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #48: In the Ebott Town area, people are a lot more willing to take precautions during the pandemic. More masks, social distancing, etc. Also, Animal Crossing is indeed a thing in this world.<br/>-<br/>I took four semesters of German in high school and two semesters in college. It's been a while since I've had to properly speak German, but I figured using it in fanfiction was probably legitimate. Here are the translations (except for "ja", you probably know what that means:<br/>Lass uns Spaghettieis machen: Let's make Spaghettieis!<br/>Kein Wurst, Herr Flowey. Es schmeckt nicht gut in Spaghettieis oder Normaleis: No sausage, Mr. Flowey. It does not taste good in Spaghettieis or normal ice cream.<br/>-<br/>In case you didn't know, the recipe Papyrus and the gang are going to be making is a German dessert called Spaghettieis, which is ice cream that looks like spaghetti. I read about it all the time in my high school German textbooks. It's vanilla ice cream put through a certain tool (I don't know what professionals use, but homemade Spaghettieis can use something called a potato ricer) so that it turns into spaghetti strands. Then you put "sauce" (probably a jam of some kind) and "cheese" (shredded white chocolate/coconut) on top. As with my real life spaghetti, I'd probably only use a smidgen of sauce for a little flavor, then destroy it with cheese. I've never had a chance to have it, but it sounds really cool. Probably a very tactile experience. Any of you ever have it? What's it like?<br/>-<br/>Anyway, happy late birthday to me. I'll see you on the 15 of September for the anniversary. Don't know what I'm going to write yet, but it'll be something. See you all later. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. Fifth Anniversary Performance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Alright everyone, settle down. I’ve finally gotten a PTA update for all of you; and it’s being posted on the anniversary! Hurray!<br/>-<br/>Before we begin, though, I'd like to give a quick bit of advertising for someone I've been working with for over a year. They go by AlanSmithee001, and they've released the first chapter of their new story, "Being Human" today for the anniversary! I've been acting as their Beta Reader for months and months, and they've been working really hard, so if you could take the time, check out "Being Human". It's got OCs, parental issues, friendship, elaborations on canon mechanics, and considerations of what it means to be a monster or a human. Please check it out if you have time! Anyway, back to this story.<br/>-<br/>Five years ago, Undertale was a thing. Also five years ago, but a couple months beforehand, I got my fanfiction account. Five years is a long time, and a lot has changed. Hopefully, things will be changing for the better in the future.<br/>-<br/>Anyway, I’ll try not to bog you down. See you at the bottom of the page.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Alright, everyone’s in position,” Eric Richards said, wiping his balding head with a handkerchief. “Are you <em>sure</em> that everything is going to go right?”</p>
<p>“HOI!” The PTA president cheered quietly.</p>
<p>“Yes, Mr. Principal man. We’re sure. Have a little faith,” The head of the PTA chided.</p>
<p>“Have faith in an… egg?”</p>
<p>“What, you egg?” One of the teachers quipped with a giggle.</p>
<p>“Mom, shut up.”</p>
<p>“Strike two, Flowey.”</p>
<p>“GOSH—diddly dang.”</p>
<p>“That’s what I thought. In all seriousness, Mr. Richards, that child has been practicing for a week; and just in case, Sans will be there to keep things going.”</p>
<p>“Well… alright. You do have to understand, Ms. Toriel, that a lot of people raised an eyebrow at our school’s… contribution.”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, I’m well aware.”</p>
<p>“Tem… pROUD pARENT!”</p>
<p>“Wha—Temmie, get back in the audience!”</p>
<p>“HOI!!1!”</p>
<p>“Not you, Temmie; I meant the other Temmie! The one who’s not the president!”</p>
<p>
  <strong>“HOI!!!!!”</strong>
</p>
<p><em>“What is going on back here?!”</em> Another parent hissed, striding as quickly and quietly as she could behind the stage curtain to join the group. “People can hear you!”</p>
<p>“Really? ‘Cause the only thing I can hear is you complaining, Linda.”</p>
<p>“Shut up, Sans! Get back behind the curtain!”</p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p>“And <em>stay</em> there!”</p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p>“For the duration of the show!”</p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p>“Darlings…” the conductor sighed, straightening out his black coattails and bowtie over his hot pink dress shirt. “Everything is going to be fine, but only if we all calm down. No one knows the trepidation before a big performance like I do. The best way forward is to get started and do our best with what happens. Also, Linda is technically right, for once—”</p>
<p>“Hey!”</p>
<p>“—I can feel the vibes from the audience. They’re wondering what all the commotion is.”</p>
<p>“…Did you just unironically say the word ‘vibes’?”</p>
<p>“The Author does, sometimes—”</p>
<p>“Shut up! She’s not in this chapter!”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Flowey—”</em>
</p>
<p>“Two and a half! Please, Mom!”</p>
<p>“…Fine. But I’d better not hear a peep from you for the rest of the night.”</p>
<p>“Yes, Mom.”</p>
<p>“Mr. Richards, it’s twenty-six seconds past five thirty and counting; you’re on, darling!”</p>
<p>“Right.” Eric Richards wiped his brow once more before sticking his handkerchief in his suit pocket and walking as calmly as he could from behind the stage curtain and up to the mic. The audience tittered a bit. It seemed that Mettaton EX was right; The “vibes” were a bit off-kilter from what the principal had been hoping to start off with.</p>
<p>“Good evening, ladies, gentlemen, and… gender neutral chibi things.” He paused to let the more incredulous audience members chuckle in confusion. “Thank you all for coming to tonight’s concert, sponsored by the Ebott Town government and Mettaton EX. Tonight, we celebrate the fifth anniversary of when everyone’s lives changed forever: when monsters were freed from under Mt. Ebott.” A pause to let that settle. “So much has changed in five years, and we have all grown so much. Friends have been made, relations built, and relative peace established. We have a long way to go for perfect equity, but for only five years, I’d say we’ve done pretty well.” A light applause.</p>
<p>“Now, for tonight’s performance: several talented monster and human students from schools all over Ebott have come together over the past few weeks to practice for an orchestral concert, directed by Mettaton. The songs played tonight will tell the story of the history of monsters and humans-- a history that spans centuries-- in just two hours. Without further ado, please enjoy the show!” The audience applauded more heartily, and Mr. Richards clapped as well as he hurried off the stage to the front row, sitting next to Mayor Elijah Banks and the other local principals.</p>
<p>The curtains over the stage parted. The small group that had been talking behind said curtains a moment ago was gone now, leaving only the impeccably dressed Mettaton EX standing on a small box as a conducting platform. He bowed to the audience, then turned to face his orchestra.</p>
<p>It wasn’t the biggest or most varied group the world had ever seen, but a variety of people in a variety of formal outfits sat ready and waiting. Most everyone wore black pants/skirts with dress shirts in the varying colors of the rainbow. String, brass, woodwind, and percussion instruments were arranged neatly in a semicircle.</p>
<p>Mettaton raised his baton, a simple black stick with a tiny pink LED light at the tip. The musicians readied their instruments. He pointed the baton at the ceiling, and a thin track suspended by sturdy bracers lit up, just enough to illuminate what was resting at the top of the track: a hardboiled egg. There was a quiet murmur of laughter.</p>
<p>Mettaton then pointed his baton towards the pianist, a blue fish monster with red hair, dressed in black slacks, a black jacket, and a green dress shirt. She raised her hands over the keys. He swung gently.</p>
<p>As soon as she played the first key, the egg began to roll slowly along its track, clicking a button that turned on a PowerPoint. Lights glowed along the sides of the stage in time with the piano, joined by other colored lights as other instruments joined in. A woman’s voice read off the slide from off the stage:</p>
<p>“Long ago, two races ruled over Earth: HUMANS and MONSTERS.”</p>
<p>The egg continued to roll along the track, flickering every so often with a pale blue light that helped control its speed, and clicked another button. The slide changed:</p>
<p>“One day, war broke out between the two races.”</p>
<p>The music picked up a little, the lights glowing more strongly. Another button was triggered, and the slide changed again:</p>
<p>“After a long battle, the humans were victorious.”</p>
<p>Just as the music had picked up, it began to slow. Another slide change:</p>
<p>“They sealed the monsters underground with a magic spell.” The music stopped, and as soon as the word “spell” was spoken, the egg rolled across another trigger, causing the lights to flash white and making a bell ring. The chime echoed in the silence, haunting and powerful. A sound that seemed to represent one thing:</p>
<p>DETERMINATION.</p>
<p>The piano came in one last time, for a few haunting notes that ended the first song in the program: “Once Upon a Time”.</p>
<p>The audience applauded, and Mettaton turned to give a quick bow. One side of the audience was a bit loud from the sounds of intense vibration, but it wasn’t enough to cause a disturbance. The audience quieted down and Mettaton and the orchestra prepared for the next song, and the songs to follow.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #49: Most of the songs heard in the game Undertale are based on traditional monster songs that sort of act as anthems for certain people, historical events, or areas of the world/underground. Some monsters like to compose their own “theme songs” while others are fine with the songs that represent the area they live in or their favorite historical event. For example, a Waterfall resident might like the “Quiet Water” theme, or choose a song related to monster history.<br/>Head Canon I Don’t Actually Think #50: Napstablook’s “career” in the Underground involved making theme songs for people, but he wasn’t very successful since his music was seen as “weird”. His work with Mettaton’s group in the present day has helped him vary his music for a wider audience.<br/>-<br/>*Rolls the dice* Who’s going to be in the chapter today? Apparently, it’s the egg. Why did the hardboiled egg from Temmie Village get such a major role in the orchestral performance? I don’t really know, I just kind of felt like it needed some airtime, and also why not? In-universe, maybe President Temmie managed to sneak the egg’s participation into the show until it was too late for them to change it. (Now I’m wondering to myself: are PTA President Temmie and the PTA member Temmie raising the egg together? Like not necessarily married, but just partners of some kind? Maybe the whole village raises the egg, but the PTA member Temmie is the only parent? What do you guys think?)<br/>-<br/>Who else is here? *checks roster* We’ve got the Principal of the monster x human school, Eric Richards, the PTA president Temmie, the head of the PTA Flowey, monster x human school teacher Toriel, PTA member Temmie, PTA member Linda, PTA member Sans, PTA Member/school sponsor/conductor Mettaton EX, and passing mentions of Mayor Elijah Banks and PTA member/gym teacher Undyne. What a cast!<br/>-<br/>What was Flowey and Toriel’s deal with the strikes? Toriel promised to get Flowey ice cream after the performance but enforced the “three strikes and you’re out” policy after he “accidentally” threw a crumpled pamphlet at Sans (who dodged). Since Flowey ended the night with two and half strikes, he got a kiddie cone-sized ice cream, which he was smart enough to take without complaining (out loud).<br/>-<br/>Mettaton is definitely more of a radio/TV host and popstar kind of idol, but for the anniversary (and at the request of Mayor Banks, who is both a fan of him and classical symphonies) decided to try his hand at conducting. It worked pretty well. (Would Mettaton be the type to unironically say “vibes”? You tell me; I sure don’t know.)<br/>-<br/>Sans was there to help keep the hardboiled egg moving with his blue magic. Papyrus helped build the track. It goes in a loop, going over button triggers to move slides or make effects, and the buttons change what they trigger depending on the number of times they were triggered. It took a lot of trial and error to make sure it worked every time, but I’d say it was worth it.<br/>-<br/>The apparel for the orchestra members is based on actual formal attire you’d see concert people wear, though instead of black and white, it’s black and SOUL colors. Undyne was green because she’s associated with the green SOUL effect. Mettaton had pink because Mettaton.<br/>-<br/>The lights that glowed in time with the music are actually based on a real thing. Audiences who are deaf/hard of hearing can’t really hear the music, but they can see colors flashing in time and intensity with the music. I remember learning about it in a movie about a music teacher who had a deaf son. Can’t remember what it was called, but it wasn’t a bad movie. Toriel was the one reading the slides, for the sake of those who couldn’t see the words. I imagine after the monsters reached the surface; inclusivity became a major initiative.<br/>-<br/>Also, I’m not actually sure how one would refer to nonbinary people in the “ladies and gentlemen” grouping. “Gender neutral chibi things” is kind of a tradition at this point in my writing career, so I went with that.<br/>-<br/>Anyway, that’s that. Have a happy anniversary! I’ll see you all later, eventually. Until then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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